The one where they went to Toronto

Back from the big smoke now and getting myself back into the work groove after a busy few days in Toronto.  My oldest daughter and I had a great time playing tourist and catching up with family and friends.  The reason for the trip, of course, was a follow up appointment on the tumour (fuck cancer) and I am happy to report that the tumour is shrinking and genetic testing has indicated that I have a 96% survivability rate out ten years....YES!!!!  

Much relief in my world.  Family and friends have shown me nothing but love and support and I love you all dearly for it. I'm a true believer in positive vibes and thoughts over coming things and this is an example.  Sorry for scaring the bejesus out of you...I swear I didn't plan it that way.  I of course had no doubts.  Well, ok maybe a few.  Those moments of quiet reflection that would occasionally turn to tears at the unknown future.  A bit of fear that would gain momentary control of my thoughts. Thankfully I didn't give into the fear.  I moved on to, you know, living.

I think in light of everything I am going to keep blogging.  I've come to enjoy the exercise and I somehow feel a tad more enlightened by the process.  Not smarter or anything silly like that, just more self aware.  That can't be a bad thing.  Right?  I suppose we will see.

That's really it for now.  A simple update with that good news and a promise of more rambling thoughts.

Ciao for now

D

And Aaron Sorkin with you

George Carlin famously said he would pray to the church of Joe Pesci instead of any organized religion based on the invisible man in the sky. That's a good choice George but I think I will try Aaron Sorkin as my deity.

The man writes what I think and feel. He captures the human condition and succinctly puts it into words and dialogue that truly inspires. Once again, smarter people than I with the answers already. Sure he is a lefty's wet dream and the ideals he espouses in his various shows and movies isn't realistic in our time, but does that matter? No I say. What are not dreams but something to strive for. A way forward to us all, if you believe in those tenets...if not, well, he's a communist and should be jailed or killed. Right?

"Words! Words! Words when spoken out loud for the sake of performance are music. They have rhythm and pitch and timbre and volume. These are the properties of music. And music has the ability to find us, and move us, and lift us up in ways that literal meaning can’t."

I like to think that people will do the good thing, the right thing more often than not. Of course, I'm stupidly naive so what the hell do I know. I do take people literally a little too often and I wish that the words people say or hear me say are taken at face value but of course we know that's not true. Which, of course, is too bad. Because I'm pretty sure if we stopped to actually listen, we might learn something. We might learn something profound even. I want to be moved, inspired and brought to tears because of the simple joy of hearing or seeing something beautiful. I yearn for it. I think a lot of people do, they want to be inspired. They want to feel moved to the point of action and reaction. I like that about myself. Call it corny if you will, like I care, but there is something refreshingly beautiful in being brought to tears because something moved you emotionally.

Here are two excellent examples of the ballsy writing that I so enjoy....

From The West Wing...

You're a son of a bitch, You know that? She bought her first new car and You hit her with a drunk driver. What? Was that supposed to be funny? "You can't conceive, nor can I, the appalling strangeness of the mercy of God," says Graham Greene. I don't know whose ass he was kissing there, 'cause I think You're just vindictive. What was Josh Lyman - a warning shot? That was my son. What did I ever do to Yours but praise His glory and praise His Name? There's a tropical storm that's gaining speed and power. They say we haven't had a storm this bad since You took out that tender ship of mine in the North Atlantic last year. Sixty-eight crew. You know what a tender ship does? Fixes the other ships. It doesn't even carry guns. It just goes around, fixes the other ships and delivers the mail. That's all it can do. Gratias tibi ago, Domine. Yes, I lied. It was a sin. I've committed many sins. Have I displeased You, You feckless thug? 3.8 million new jobs, that wasn't good?

Bailed out Mexico. Increased foreign trade. Thirty million new acres of land for conservation. Put Mendoza on the bench. We're not fighting a war. I've raised three children. That's not enough to buy me out of the doghouse? Haec credam a Deo pio, a Deo iusto, a Deo scito? Cruciatus in crucem. Trus in terra servus, nuntius fui, officium perfeci. Cruciatus in crucem. Eas in crucem.

You get Hoynes.

From The Newsroom...

“It’s not the greatest country in the world professor, that’s my answer.

Sharon, the NEA is a loser, yeah, it accounts for a penny out of our paycheck but he gets to hit you with it any time he wants. It doesn’t cost money, it costs votes, it costs air time, it costs column inches. You know why people don’t like liberals? Because they lose. If liberals are so fucking smart, how come they lose so god damn always?

And with a straight face you’re going to tell students that America is so star spangled awesome that we’re the only ones in the world that have freedom? Canada has freedom. Japan has freedom. The UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, BELGIUM has freedom.

So, 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom.

And you, sorority girl, just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day there’s somethings you should know. One of them is there’s absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we’re the greatest country in the world. We’re 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, Number 4 in labor force and Number 4 in exports, we lead the world in only three categories: Number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending where spend more than the next 26 countries combined, 25 of whom are allies.

Now none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student, but you none the less are without a doubt a member of the worst period generation period ever period, so when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Yosemite?

It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons. We passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons. We waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors, we put our money where our mouths were and we never beat our chests. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and cultivated the world’s greatest artists and the world’s greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men, we aspired to intelligence, we didn’t belittle it, it didn’t make us feel inferior.

We didn’t identify ourselves by who we voted for in the last election and we didn’t scare so easy. We were able to be all these things and do all these things because we were informed, by great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore. Enough?”

I could lift all kinds of quotes from his shows and movies but I suspect you get the idea by now. And now, perhaps, you are getting a little more clarity with regards to me as well. Whether that is a good thing or not is a totally different matter and I'm ok with that. Ambiguity can be my middle name if you wish. My brain works funny, to quote Sorkin. I think that might be frustrating for some people, kind of funny for others and something entirely different again to others. Perhaps that's why I seem to be a love/hate guy. You either love me or you hate my guts....you can imagine how I feel about the latter. If not, read my previous posts.


I go back to Toronto next week for a follow up on my surgery. I still can't see out of my left eye, which sucks royally and makes me a dnager to people driving at night or beside me...haha, sorry silver Honda Civic. My daughter is coming with me and we will be doing some father/daughter things while getting spoiled by the grand parents...should be fun.


Well, that is it for now. Catch you on the flipside


Ciao

D

"No country for old men"

I must have been drunk or high on pain killers when I wrote my last post.  Disjointed, even for me.  I was going to remove it but thought better of that move.  Who cares. I'm not trying to write the next great novel, just a guy venting, pontificating and hopefully being slightly amusing.  So there (insert tongue sticking out emoji)

Now on to today.  It's a Monday, after a very busy few days at work last week.  And after that kind of busy you can imagine the tired feet and sore joints.  It would be easy to think that the title of this blog post refers to that.  Well, it doesn't.  Certainly working "the line" is a young mans game, one I have no wish to play any more, and a number of 14 hour days can happen during busy times leading to the aforementioned aching feet, but this is about Yeats and the slow inevitable "decline" we go through as we age.

I will easily confess that I am no fan of poetry.  My response to it is the same as Chandlers on the TV show Friends, what??? I come to little nuggets of poetry through what others write or say about the original or how they incorporate them into their own work.  Call it the McNuggets if you will. Grasping at the low hanging fruit that may make me seem smarter than I really am, but that's not what grabs my attention or why I may use them, the McNuggets. I think it opens the door or window into exploring said art form.  Same for music for me. Case in point:  The West Wing, one of the top two shows ever in my books, had a wide casting net of music that was used on the show.  One episode played a catchy, broody jazz piece that really caught my attention.  I needed to find out about it.  Turned out to be Take Five by Dave Brubeck (R.I.P) Great song used effectively.  I learned more about the song and the artist, and thus, opened a new door for me to explore.  Any art really does that for me, and maybe that's just good enough for the artist.  Did my work cause something?  Anything? Does it matter that you didn't get what I was conveying, but you did get something.  That's pretty fucking cool in my book.

As usual, off in left field.  Back to the title.  Yes my feet hurt.  But that's not the point.  I feel it's about watching the perceived exuberance, risk taking and gumption (yes I used the word gumption) of young people while I "play it safe" and work for the man; fall into routine and comfort.  Of course, when I was young I watched older people and thought, never.  Never will I be that.  Never will I be my parents.  Ha!!!  Most of us realize by our mid thirties that it's almost certain that you will.  And happily so I say to you.  My parents, in their own ways, are awesome. And my desire to set the world on fire with my talents has been replaced by an understanding that what is important to me now has nothing to do with what was important when I was 20.  Decline?  No, I don't think so.  Wonder, understanding, dare I say - wisdom.  These are the traits that I appreciate now and have come to understand that the important things aren't things at all.  It is the experiences, the memories, family and friends.  All of that.  And so much more. I may have a year to live or I may have 40 years to live. Which ever it is, I hope that I spend my time being happy in whatever I am doing.  Sucking every morsel from bone, marrow included. Life is too short to spend any time being miserable. Believe me on that point. In the end that is why I decided to leave my ex-wife.  I was going through the motions. I wasn't happy any more in our relationship and despite repeated attempts to make changes, I knew it wouldn't change.  And I couldn't do it any more. I recall the moment vividly and it was like a switch went off...not one more day.  I cannot.  It's been hard on a lot of people but I do not regret my choice. Which in the end is really what this is about...no regrets.  Seems to be a theme running through the last few posts I think. I promise, next time I will take a different theme on.  Ha!!!!  You're so gullible.

So Sailing to Byzantium is not about the destination or the end, but about the journey, not leaving the world to youth as we stare into the abyss, but learning about new parts of the world, about ourselves, about each other. The whole unexamined life thing.  See, I could bore you to death with all the answers that are out there already, but I won't.  Or will I?

Enough for today.

Ciao
Daniel

Dear Mr. Prime Minister

My second entry in the Dear Mr series....

I voted for you Justin.  I, and so many other people, want to believe that you will be the man that we need you to be.  This country, this world, needs people of good will to fight the good fight.  And as much as I do believe in grass roots solutions, the world needs the people on top to do the right thing. Obama inspired hope that the world would be a better place....sadly that train wreck of a country is happier being partisan and obstructionist instead of doing the work they were sent to do. We don't have that issue here in Canada...so you have no one to blame if you do falter.  Do the right thing and if you do falter, fess up and make it right.  Now I must say, so far things have been going well.  Feminism, refugees, economy, environment (a little).  Keep it up and you can be Prime Minister forever in my book.

I have said on many occasions in my life, smarter people then me have already come up with the answers, we just need to listen.  Writers, artists, song writers, poets and so on have collectively shown us the way...so why do we still falter.  Fear I say.  A woman I met not long ago once told me that people let fear rule their lives.  Fear of change, fear of the unknown, fear of failing. The people that stand up and say, I don't care what this will cost me, this is the right thing to do, this is more important than "me" are the ones that make the differences in the world.  Imagine if we had a leader who pulled a Rosa Parks and said, no more, we aren't selling arms to Saudi Arabia until we can see changes to the human condition in its population.  Or perhaps we can simply look in our own backyard and address the whole issue around poverty.  It's not just money...it's everything.  Is it hard?Yep.  Is it going to be universally applauded?  Nope.  So....do the right thing.

When Norway discovered oil off it's shores it did something smart.  It didn't throw a never ending party of low taxes and out of control spending at the prospect of rivers of money flowing into its coffers.  It set up a legacy fund.  Like a pension fund that grows and invests in the country as a whole. The money from this fund will outlast the oil they are pulling up.  They have high taxes.  They also have a country that is happy, healthy, literate and is always in the top spots when it comes to rankings of the best country in the world.  Leaders decided that.  Alberta take notice please....sorry, too late.

Neil Peart and Pye Dubois wrote "and the men who hold high places, must be the ones to start, to mould a new reality, closer to the heart". We have to choose what we want our country, our world to be.  Once we decide that, getting there will be less onerous.  Having a goal is half the fight I think.

Instead of subsidizing oil and drugs, how about farmers?  Why can I buy pop cheaper than milk? Processed foods cheaper than whole fresh food?  And you wonder why we have such issues around obesity and diabetes....fuck. There is a better way, we just need to be strong enough to go that way.

See, I told you my brain works funny.

Enjoy the day

Ciao
D

Tapestry

Full disclosure here, todays theme is brought to you by the good folks of Star Trek.  There was an episode way back where Jean Luc gets to go back in time, courtesy of Q, and fix the mistakes of his youth.  Needless to say, it didn't turn out well for him and he was left a simpering half man bereft of passion.  According to good old Captain Picard.  The notion that by pulling at the frayed uncomfortable threads of your past, you could unravel the you that you know, and hopefully love, is fascinating

We are a product of everything that we have done, said, seen or thought of over the years.  I could no more change my view of stupid people than I could chew my own arm off.  It is who I am now.  I may change in time but I doubt it.  And my past is the reason.  The very fibre of my being has been hard wired, re-wired and re-wired again by everything that has happened to me over the years. Nothing really earth shattering here just a prelude to how I am approaching my thoughts today.

Today my youngest daughter turned 16.  I can't tell you how awesome she is...so accept that she is. All my kids are of course, in their own ways and I'm so proud of the people they are becoming.  It's an honour to watch them grow up.  And while my ex-wife and I don't see eye to eye on many things, we do at least have the kids to be proud of.  So, another milestone and I am feeling reflective again.  I seem to be doing that a lot lately.  And in my fit of reflection I reached out (I hate that phrase by the way) to someone I knew 30 years ago in the hopes that she could connect me with someone else from 30 years ago.  Filling in the holes a little bit and reminiscing over the past can be both fun and painful.  I will admit I was in love with this girl.  She was, to me, the perfect women back then. Bright and positive, beautiful and a good soul.  And as was my habit, because I was so inept with women, I made friends with her.  Yes, I know.  You tool, don't be friends...you can't go from friend to sex.  It doesn't happen.  In my defence, I did know that, as I had suffered through a few of these in high school...but I did it anyway.  And I am glad I did, despite the heart ache. I loved having her as a friend.  And I would be honoured to call her friend again.  I don't regret for a moment anything of the sort from those days....given the chance to go back and change things, I can't see myself changing a thing.  I've said it before, living for the what ifs is not my thing.  I won't be pulling at those frayed uncomfortable threads in my life...they are part of me, for better or for worse.  I won't be sharing them with my kids but they are there.

Socrates says an unexamined life is not worth living.  I tend to agree.  Over thinking is my issue lately but I do like to "think" about things.  Perspective and reason are gained by looking closer.  Not jumping to conclusions or going off the deep end give me an aura of mild mannered professionalism. While inside I am ready to punch you in the brain...or the throat.  Age and experience have given me the ability to be calm....thank God really, otherwise I'm probably in jail right now.  Whatever.

I suppose this blog no one is reading is my way of thinking out things.  Putting word to paper, so to speak, allows me to try and understand what I am going through, what I am thinking  and how to respond to stimuli around me.  Ring, ring....key the salivating.

Well, I hope that wasn't too much rambling and tangential thinking.  If it was, too bad.

Ciao
D