Find Hope

Dig that hole, it takes you

It is dark down here 

Fear begets fear

Look down and away

Can't see the forest for the trees

Moss grows heavy, echoes die

Hard ground

Can't stay warm

Where does it end

Horrible news today, a sad reminder that darkness is never far from any of us. A vibrant and beautiful soul of a girl that used to work for me a few years back succumbed to her mental illness. I was shocked, as I am sure many of her tribe would have been to find this out; one of those people you would never have guessed to be in a battle with the demons inside. A quiet prayer for her family and friends, for strength, grace and some form of peace when the time comes for that part of the grieving journey. 

Thoughts for those amongst us dealing with a scourge as prevalent as cancer but without the same kind of support, resources and understanding. Too often mental illness is shunted aside because of shame or failure to understand that this is quite simply an illness. An illness that robs a person of their ability to see their worth and beauty as others do. An illness that creates dark corners that are hard to get out of. An illness that, because of fear and shame, often gets hidden behind a smile, behind being busy, behind...behind.

I'm at a loss for words but I have to say that talking can help. That shining a light on the darkness can help. It will take time and it may seem insurmountable but we can always move forward to a place of safety and light. Find hope.

Awaken

Horizon is nigh 

Hope begets hope

I'm always here if you need to talk or just to listen.

D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

Hues of Life

A wonderful treat this morning, an early present just for me as I drove into work on Christmas Eve, a beautiful sunrise that this picture simply does not do justice to. The frigid morning gave way to hues of pink mirrored on the basin and stretched out across the horizon; truly breathtaking, hence stopping the car to get a shot or two before carrying on with my short commute.

When you can start a day with that kind of beauty you know it's meant to be a good one. So we find ourselves upon another Christmas Merry, my 50th if my math is right; I have a lot to be thankful for at this time of year and I have things that bring sadness too, just to keep life on an even keel I guess. I imagine we all have those conflicting emotions going on and not just at Christmas time, just that with the holidays and the plethora of holiday tunes we seem to be more aware of all emotions, positive and not, a little more. I know I am.

In a couple of days I will mark the three year anniversary of my eye cancer diagnosis. A late Christmas gift you could say. I remember thinking how is eye cancer even a thing and shortly after that thinking shit, now I have to tell my mom about it. Funny what a mind can worry about. But I am alive and kicking quite well thank you. Sadly though, my best friend is gone; losing his battle to the scourge of cancer, passing back in October.

And as if to prove the theory of Even Steven, the night before he passed, leaving the hospital after our visit with him, my wonderful and beautiful Tammy said yes when I asked for her hand in marriage along the shores of Blue Rocks in the fading twilight. It was not how I envisioned asking her but it was perfectly right for me at the moment. I got to spend sometime with Scott that I will treasure to the end of my own days, and as we left him I showed him the ring that I was going to propose with; he smiled with smiling eyes and I knew it was right.

These opposing emotions are what makes life what it is I think. The highs tempered by the lows and the lows softened by the highs and the one constant is our loved ones that we live our lives with.

"We win together, we lose together. We celebrate and we mourn together. 

And defeats are softened and victories sweeter because we did them together"

The West Wing

A year ago I couldn't imagine being where I am now, an almost dream like state where I have found my one and only. A gift for me and I couldn't be more blessed or happy, yet one that I can no longer share with my brother. Thankfully I had Tammy with me on this journey, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like without her there, the grace under that kind of pressure made the journey about the experience and not about the outcome. For that I am truly grateful. In those moments of despair I found nothing but love and compassion. 

The tapestry of my life has been weaved ever more this year, colours and texture added to fill a full life even more. Memories that will live forever and promises of new ones to come. 

For my friends, my family (old and new) and for all - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Everyday Hero

Stan Lee, iconic Marvel Comics legend and cameo master, died the other day. At 95 years old the man has been a fixture in the superhero/entertainment world for many decades. The creator of Spider-man (my favourite superhero), The Hulk, The Avengers and so many more; the world is a tad sadder today with the passing of this unique and prolific talent.

In the aftermath of his death tributes poured in and people scrambled to put together thoughts on how Mr Lee had helped shape a small part of the world for the better. Now, I'm no comic book nerd and I couldn't tell you who most of the superheroes are out there but I did hear a great interview with a free lance artist that does some work for Marvel; he threw some illumination on it all and why some people are comic book freaks, in particular why Marvel is better than DC.

This fellow spoke of the way Marvels superheroes reflect true humanity. These heroes, as he put it, are "us', they have doubts, they have flaws, they fight against their supposed calling, they are messy and they are complicated. In simplest form, they are not nearly perfect like some of the heroes from D.C Comics. Look at Superman and Wonder Woman, "just doing my job mam" kind of responses to just having saved a plane load of children when you know that Spider-man would have a quip or two to share with the world.

This got me to thinking of perfection, or the search for it at least. Young girls are inundated with images of what the world thinks they should look like, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook posts that belie the truth that it's OK to not be all the same, that you don't have to look like that model over there and that yes you are beautiful just as you are. The fallacy of this kind of search for perfection is that it is not real, people are trying to measure up to a Superman or a Wonder Woman when they should find happiness in being Spider-man. Be weird, be strange - be yourself. But maybe don't be Hulk so much.

The forces that shaped Spider-man, Thor et al, are as complex as the heroes themselves. Peter Parker turned away from helping someone out and his uncle got whacked. Thor learned what the true meaning of hubris was for his douche canoe actions. Hulk, well Hulk is green and full of rage - unbridled rage that causes great destruction and provides a cautionary tale on the folly of losing self control, spectacularly so.

The desire for perfection cuts both ways, whether we strive for it in our selves or we look for it in others really only serves to feed a beast that is probably insatiable. I think it plays a large part in why happiness is sometimes hard to come by, we're too busy looking for a version of something that probably doesn't exist. Crazy world eh?

In an interview with a magazine writer, Stan the Man gave an eloquent response to the writers question on his own sons super power dreams:

My 8-year-old son Immanuel profoundly wrote his super power would be the ability to touch someone's heart and turn evil and hate into love.

His superhero creation was Love-Man.

Given the opportunity to ask the chief creative force behind the rise of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee, his thoughts on my son's super power, the spritely 94-year-old beamed.

"If somebody could make love instead of hate throughout the world then I would say he would be the greatest super hero of all," said Lee. "So encourage your son."

Maybe Stan was a superhero in disguise as a mild mannered man about town.

R.I.P Stan Lee

Ciao
D

Where Do We Go From Here?

The wind is bitter and reminds us of the coming season. Winter is near. Accompanying the ridiculous daylight savings ritual is the knowledge that soon we will be faced with drivers that forgot that snow and ice come just about every year around this time, stores already full of the coming festive spending spree promising the latest must haves and can't live with outs. In short time we will bear witness to shoppers losing their shit over the latest deals on TV's and spending way too much money on "stuff."

This year, maybe more so than the last few years, I find myself resisting the idea that happiness is a short trip to the mall away. Not that I haven't always been a tad hateful of the mall and all it represents and I know without equivocation that happiness comes from within; rather, I think this year, after the roller coaster ride life has taken me on the last month or so I feel like I don't even want to hear about Alexa and her minions.

If you have been following over the past three years or so you will know I am about doing stuff as opposed to owning stuff, this is not new territory for me. What is new is where I am. Last month I got engaged and my best friend died the next day. Both were expected, both were emotional and both will have a lasting impact on my life. This past weekend a friend I had watched with pleasure and awe grow up got married and my oldest daughter had an engagement party to celebrate a future walk down the aisle. Everyday there is something uplifting and life affirming; and often there is something to remind us that hope is the one thing keeping us afloat some days.

The appeal of hope is what brought Barrack Obama to the presidency and 8 years later we were rudely reminded what fear and everything that can derive from it can do. But hope is still there. It springs forth eternally it would seem from the very bosom of our collective lives. We had it 100 years ago as The Great War ended and we have it now. And thank God we do. There is darkness in the world, we all know that as we weaponize everything from the bible to our own words. We drive wedges between everything and seemingly standing on someone else's throat is the best way to make us feel we have a chance at grasping whatever wish we may have for ourselves.

Of course that is not the case for us all. In fact I would argue that there is more good than not out in the great wide open world. And that is where hope and love come into the equation. Allowing for "love opening the door" leads us, I think, to a better place to be and one I will always try to stay in. And in times of doubt and fear, when the best course of action seems to be hiding from it all remember this - the sun comes up again tomorrow:

"You push everyone away

But you don't want to be alone

You still don't know what you want

But you have to let that go

And trust that the sun will rise

In the morning"

The Trews

So, while it seems it might just be us now, it doesn't have to be that way. On the "other side of fear" is hope and love. While my best friend has departed, his memory will not, and I know him well enough to know that he would haunt me in the worst possible way if I didn't keep moving forward and living life out loud and large.

I hope you join me.

Ciao
D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

A Thousand Points of Light

Last night I watched with interest the Munk Debates featuring Steve Bannon and David Frum arguing the future of populism; a lively and somewhat passionate exchange of two conservative figures in the world of politics and all things right leaning. I say somewhat passionate because I didn't see the kind of fire that comes from liberals when they rail against the latest injustice, real or not, inflicted upon the world. I suspect that is for two reasons a) David Frum is polished and in control, he's not likely to lose his cool in any situation and b) Steve Bannon on the other hand looked like he has been working on keeping his frothing at the mouth in check. He has learned that there is a time and place for his particular brand of rhetoric. Last night was not his time to spew vileness but use carefully chosen catch phrases to help don the cape of acceptability. Watch it for yourself to decide what makes more sense to you.

Unsurprisingly I began watching with my "lefty liberal" mind pre-disposed to throw bricks at Bannon. He is, after all, one of the brains behind the rise of a populist movement that espouses the politics of division, of hate and of fear. To my mind there is no debating that fact, no matter how many times he says Drumph loves everyone. But I watched with an open mind none the less, because I believe in allowing everyone a voice and I wasn't for the notion of cancelling the debate because Bannon is a racist homophobic douche. If you subscribe to the notion that only light can drive out the darkness than you must allow for a voice to be heard from the "other" side; slamming the door on them only breeds more discontent, and we certainly have too much of that already.

So, what did I think? Frum did a good job of painting a picture that acknowledges that yes, we have problems that need to be fixed. Very gracious of him considering he was part of the machinery that threw the world into chaos as a member of the Bush administration. He coined the phrase axis of evil for good ole "W"; think on that for a moment or two. Frum is right wing to the core and he even acknowledges that he was an odd choice arguing for the liberals. But he did address that in such a way that I was impressed with his tight rope walking act. He is not a fool, I may not agree with his politics but I do respect his intelligence and reason.

Further more, Frum, a Canadian by the way, used as his main rebuttal of Bannon the fact that he does agree with Bannon on the fact that there are  problems that need to be solved. Too many people are left behind as the gap between the have nots and the haves grows almost exponentially. In the middle there is a wide gap of discontent and fear. Frum contends that using the divisions that are espoused by Drumph and his enablers is only creating a world of us against everyone else. It's not your fault, it's not my fault - it's their fault! Jews, Mexicans, Muslims, Canadians...it doesn't matter.

And of course this gap is where the fascists like Bannon jump head long into. You "deplorables" need to tear down the system and get rid of the "elites". Yeah, how far away are we from concentration camps at this rate - oh wait, we're already there aren't we? Bannon spoke well and addressed his concerns and how he sees the world shaping in the future. Problem is, that for his brand of politics to work someone has to be blamed.

Wedge issues like abortion and health care; the economy of the everyday man and woman that doesn't give a crap about the stock market because they are too busy working three jobs to make ends meet. These are fertile grounds for both sides to stake ground in. How each side portrays this battleground and what they put forward for answers is the difference. Drumph and allies are calling the migrant caravan an invasion and responding with troops massing on the border. Democrats and actual honest to God Republicans (all three of them) are, for the most part, looking to address the issue of border hopping "illegals" in a fair and compassionate way. Same issue, different response. You decide for yourself.

It's easy to be against something; people protested last night because they were against allowing Bannon on the stage. Tiki carrying white nationalists are against tearing down statues honouring Confederate generals that fought for slavery, but really they are just scared and hateful of blacks. It's a lot harder to reach across the table and try and work out the differences that drive us apart. You can respond with hate or you can do the hard work that brings about real change. Do the hard work and do it everyday.

At Scott's funeral I met his namesake and his "brother from another mother", a lovely man named Robert Steele. He was the guy that Scott was talking about near the end because he was doing things to address injustice. When we met at the funeral we did what brothers do when we need each other - we hugged each other tight and shed a tear or two for our dearly departed best friend. And this is just part of his story CBC This is the little guy trying to right a wrong in a world that tells him to sit down. Here in Canada we think it's an American problem, it is not. It's everywhere and so it is everyone's problem.

Hide behind a cause if you will but most of us can see right through your vitriol and hate. Bannon, you spoke well but your message, your views and your actions cannot be ignored. I am confident that the thousand points of light that are the rest of us will slowly but surely bring us back.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King

Rest Easy Brother - See You on the Other Side

Do you know what crowbar funny is? This was, of course, indicative of how Scott would start many conversations. A question or a statement that would get you to wondering what he was about to unload on you. I didn't know what crowbar funny was but I knew it would be good.

So he goes on. We're camping with the kids in SplitPea, SplitPea being their lime green Westphalia still parked in the drive way up the road a bit. Fiona and Sarah have just gotten into the van and the boys and Scott are still outside. Looking over at Simon and Courtney, he says watch this, this is crowbar funny. He grabs a June bug, which both Fiona and Sarah are scared to death of, whipped open the door to the van, threw it in and slammed the door shut and sat back down to watch the show. Illuminated from inside it was hilarious to watch nothing for a moment and than to see their silhouettes lose it - bouncing around the inside of the camper with arms flailing. Crowbar Funny is doing something knowing full well you stood the chance of getting whacked with a crowbar by the small but mighty Fiona.

That was essential Scott - anything for a laugh. It didn't matter if you or anyone else found it funny, he did, and that was the point. Thankfully for all of us, he was almost always funny. That wry smile and raised eyebrow were his calling card. That's all anyone ever needed, that's all he ever needed and to quote his spirit animal, George Carlin -

"People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point" 

I'm certain there are more stories than we can count among us all - they will be shared over the days, months and years to come as we both mourn the loss of and celebrate the life of a father, a husband, a brother, and a friend. Scott touched many people in his life. Proof of that is here in front of me and proof of that was witnessed at his fun-er-all back in April after we learned of the sad and tragic news that his days were numbered. It was an outpouring of love and support for him and his loving family.

My father had a saying when I was younger - "how many languages a man knows that is how many men he is" Easy for him to say as he speaks 4 or 5 of them and I can barely speak English. But I digress - Scott too seemed to live many lives as well and his rich life provided him with a way of putting life in perspective that was unique and beautiful. He would hold up a mirror to the world around him and help make sense of it all.

He created elaborate practical jokes. Some of which I was on the receiving end of. He was a speed demon at heart - if not throwing himself from perfectly good airplanes he was motoring down windy side roads on his Ducati monster. And try beating him at trivial pursuit - I'm sorry, the answer is Moops, him with his cursed eidetic memory.

A lover of Iggy Pop and the Stooges, Bowie and Motorhead, of all things. He loved Top Gear and Formula One racing but he truly lived for gatherings that included his family and good friends usually around a shared meal. In fact, our friendship began with food and it was the underlying current for many of our experiences. Mopping up sauce from the pan of Osso Bucco or delighting in all things sushi. He and I shared a wonderful meal back in the spring where we both managed to fulfill a little dream of ours. To sit down at a great sushi place and leave ourselves in the hands of the master chef. We are yours sir, do as you wish. It was glorious and a night that I will remember to the end of my days.

In his own way he lived life out loud. Unfortunately life sometimes wasn't loud enough. As you may know Scott used hearing aids and I think maybe sometimes he needed to check the batteries more than he did. My boy and his were playing together at his house one day. Scott was busy doing the dishes and maybe he forgot that when young boys are silent, often there is trouble being brewed. So when the first dark object flew by the window he wasn't sure what to make of it. The second and third got his attention though. One could imagine his face as he bolted upstairs to see what was going on and lo and behold the mystery was solved, you see; the boys were on the little roof over the garage flinging shingles off of it. This happened to dovetail nicely with the story of the two boys that liked to open up the little spigots on the cast iron radiators upstairs, the damage noticed only when water was seen dripping from the ceiling. Secretly I was happy they were playing at Scott’s place and not mine. Despite the damage done he responded with grace and understanding, I on the other hand ended up on that roof with a rough patch job to hold the rain at bay.

While Scott was fun loving he was also fierce A fierce friend and a fierce enemy of injustice, in all its forms. Six days before his passing we were sharing what turned out to be one of his last true home meals and he was railing against racism that had reared its ugly head with a dear friend of his. Even as Scott was managing his own dying he took up the pen and fought for justice and supported a friend with action and not just words. This rise to action has been a pattern in the Steele family. When their beautiful son Simon passed away from cancer - Scott and Fiona got mad, and got involved. Right here in this place of beauty, I and many others, were in awe at their response to the tragic loss of their son. While most of us kept muttering that we couldn't imagine what it must feel like, they shook their fists and took up the cause of the Kids Cancer Ride. It was truly inspiring. And last Saturday, the night before he passed, his thoughts were of making sure that the cancer ride kept happening. This mattered to him. This was the essence of Scott, taking up arms for a cause, righting a wrong or simply speaking truth to stupid.

He will remain an inspiration to me for those reasons as well as his standing invitation to his tomfoolery. And for this reason as well. His belief in questioning everything - once again George Carlin comes to mind:

"Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. 

Teach them to question everything." 

Having the privilege of knowing his children, Courtney and Sarah and Simon - seeing how unique and beautiful they are I am comforted in knowing that the best part of Scott will live on. They are a testament to the love that Fiona and he passed on. And Fiona my dear friend – Scott liked to talk about your relationship when we got together. Mingled with stories that husbands tell he always brought it down to its simplest equation. You were, at the end of the day, the person he wanted to steal horses with. He couldn’t imagine not having you by his side for it all. Through his dry wit and raised eyebrow he loved you all fiercely.

You are missed by many Scott We will hug each other and comfort each other the best we can but we won't have you here to lighten the mood in the way only you could. You lived everyday fully, you brought laughter and joy to many lives and I will miss you deeply my brother. Say hi to Bowie and Lemmy and George and give your son a big hug for me.

Harmony

Mathematics, according to my numbers obsessed son, can explain everything. It is language, it is reason and it answers all the questions that count. I don't think I disagree with him totally because it is hard to argue against the answers that science provides; the whole fact thing versus supposition and intuition. I also believe that there is the flip side that is equally valuable and perhaps even more profound. Exploring the heart and soul of humanity answers questions and raises even more, much like numbers and their offspring.

Too often we go to one extreme or another. Too often it is only logic versus only passion. A middle ground that offers plenty of both and allows for the possibility of harmony. It is telling that followers of Pythagoras proposed that a relationship existed between heavenly bodies and that they went deeper than a product of an equation - "an ancient philosophical concept that regards proportions in the movements of celestial bodies—the Sun, Moon, and planets—as a form of musica. This "music" is not usually thought to be literally audible, but a harmonic, mathematical or religious concept." (Wikipedia) Interesting coming from people dedicated to the pursuit of science in an age that could get you killed for even suggesting something other than what the local version of Holy writ was.

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. 

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, 

and the human race is filled with passion. 

Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. 

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

I'm feeling a little Quixotic with all the noise we hear and see around us - yesterday, today and tomorrow can be assumed. Maybe I can only do for myself what works for me, in the hope that it matters to someone else as well. Maybe in a positive way somewhere down the long road ahead, the answers will become clear. It's better to travel that road together but more importantly it is imperative that we at least try our version of our best. Looking for harmony as we see it and being open to more than one way of getting there.

"We can walk our road together

If our goals are all the same

We can run alone and free

If we pursue a different aim

Let the truth of Love be lighted

Let the love of truth shine clear

Sensibility

Armed with sense and liberty

With the Heart and Mind united

In a single perfect sphere"

Rush

Ciao
D

Hey, Hey, Hey!!!

It's prisoner 24601!! Or whatever number Mr. Cosby ends up wearing. How the mighty have fallen in this case; America's Dad is going to jail and quite possibly he will die there. While wishing no ill will towards anyone, save for the throat punchy people, it's sad to see what his life has become. All of his own making of course. So let that be a lesson to the Bill's, Jian's and Brock's of the world; maybe, just maybe we are seeing the tide turn enough that #MeToo is not just a catch phrase but a call to action and justice.

And today we have Brett Kavafuck denying Dr. Ford's sworn testimony that he sexually assaulted her. One wonders how the far right and the Republican party can stand there and say the things they say about his accuser. She's a democrat sent to derail this fine man? Where was she all these years? Why now? No one in their right mind would put themselves through the meat grinder known as a senate hearing today if it wasn't true to one degree or another. Death threats from the "gone hunting" crowd and you just know the douche canoes on that committee will absolutely try and destroy her. Fuck them I say. And while we are at it, Fuck Trump!

It seems so easy for the right to walk into a room, suck the oxygen out of it with their holier than thou jamboree and with malice and forethought, think nothing of lying through their collective teeth to paint a picture that suits their narrative. And I'm not so naive to think that the other side isn't complicit in this sort of game, think Bill Clinton and what they tried to do to Monica Lewinsky, but there is a difference here when it comes to the higher ground. Monica, by her own admission, was fully aware of her actions in that sordid story. Young and awestruck? Absolutely. And slick Willie was notorious for getting his way, but she was fully aware of what she was doing. Dr. Ford was not a willing participant and will wear those scars for the rest of her life. And in the end they will face or have faced vilification and humiliation because they came to the show when the circus was in town.

It is a sad commentary on our world to be sure, but I really do think that the tide has turned in the grand scheme of things. Maybe we have finally woken up to the simple fact that not only have we not treated women very well but there are now consequences to those actions.

About damn time!

At Your Service

Why do I do what I do? Days that call for a throat punch response aside, I generally like my chosen career. I'm good at what I do and I'm mostly respected for my abilities. I like the camaraderie of the team I work with, I have a creative outlet when I need it, it can be challenging when busy; mostly though, on those occasions I get to directly see a guests response to something that I played a part in, I enjoy making people happy. I get to impact people's lives, brief as it is with a fleeting meal.

This weekend we have L'Arche in the house for a few days. An organization dedicated to bringing people together of varying abilities in the belief that when everyone is involved then everyone benefits; the world is a better place for the compassion and justice that comes from simply taking someones hands into your own and offering to be of service to them. I was moved by what I saw when walking through the halls going about my day. There is, for me, a quiet but powerful nobility in the notion of saying how can I help you? What can I do for you? Recently it was explained to me that this is one of the ways we show love...I like that.

Too often we are bombarded by the everyday meanness of the world; if it bleeds it leads when it comes to the news. Pundits proffer reasons and predict outcomes, pontificating on everything from gay marriage causing hurricanes to why Drumph is the best or worst president ever. Yet all along we are surrounded by the simple good that the world does show itself that goes unnoticed so often. To think of the way the world could be if we promoted that as much as the people shouting from the rooftops about gun control or abortion or whatever seems to be bothering them most on this day.

Scott has entered the last of his days with us, the fuck off cancer is spreading too rapidly and palliative care is where he now finds himself. We've been blessed to have had this much time with him when he was diagnosed in March. Treasured memories to mingle with the tears that are certainly  coming. He's now going to be entrusted to the people that I think have one of the most difficult jobs in the medical world, taking their patients the final few steps to the beyond. I have no doubt it would be one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding places to practice your humanity.

I want to share a little story from the past few months. Since his diagnosis Scott and Fifi have been subjected to an almost constant stream of visitors coming to say goodbye and show love. All well intentioned of course but there is a reality to be recognized, they essentially began running a bed and breakfast while coping with the stark truth that they faced. One weekend Tammy and I stole away for a visit with an old friend and on the next day we had plans to visit Scott and Fifi. On a whim we decided that we wanted to cook for them and that is what we did instead of going out for a meal. They allowed us to give them a gift, our love being shown with the simple act of preparing a meal and cleaning it all up afterwards. They were happy and we were over the moon to have been able to do something for them. I will treasure the memory of that afternoon forever.

The earth is rotating rapidly on its axis and I know the inevitable is coming sooner than later. I hope for only one thing, the grace to help me do whatever is needed. To be able to show my love in whatever way I can.

D

Two + Two = A Bushel of Apples

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." 

Galileo Galilei

One would not need to dig too deep to find a world out there full of conspiracy "theorists", deniers of science and believers in the ludicrous. Former president, and noted thinker, George Bush claimed that the jury was still out on evolution. We have a Flat Earth Society and there are people out there, walking amongst us, that believe hurricanes and tornadoes are caused by gay people. Yep, welcome to 2018.

I've said this many times, I don't give a good God damn what you believe in, I really don't. Just keep it to yourself please. I don't want to hear about the conspiracy of gravity or the inside job on 9/11. And it's not because of the reason you may believe it to be, it's because I can't stomach your absolute inability to allow for the slightest possibility that you are wrong. Your absolutism is what keeps me away from your theories. If only you wanted to truly discuss and debate your ideas along with mine and others, then perhaps we could allow for the idea of 9/11 being something other than what it appeared to be.

But not the earth being flat. Sorry. Look up at the moon pal. During a lunar eclipse the shadow cast upon it is curved, which is due to the fact that the earth is round or spherical. Done. Lewis Black already gave us the rebuttal to Bush Jr - fossils!!! Enough said.

Whether due to a crazy amount of weed smoked in a short span of time, an anomaly of genetics or simple belief that the the YouTube guy must be right because he uses big words, there are a few too many out there that believe these things, regardless of scientific proof and general agreement by the world at large. It's perplexing to me and to others and we simply shake our heads in disbelief but to be honest I don't know what is worse for me, the absurdity of the claim or the complete binary way that people look at life. Ones and zeros may work in computer coding but not in the world at large. The world is grey, not black and white, and while there are absolutes to be sure, we can also be sure that there are far more areas of nuance allowing for a plurality of beliefs and ideas. This simple understanding is how we move forward, the underlying "how" of how we have grown as a society, Drumph and his ilk not withstanding of course.

A few years back I was visiting the Big Smoke and having a drink with an old friend. From time to time he reads this blog of mine and he wanted to ask me about my thoughts on Justin Trudeau. He was a little nervous because he didn't want to offend me but after a little bit of encouragement he let me know that he thought I was dead wrong on Trudeau. So we began a discussion on the merits and faults of our prime minister. Dom and I are at opposite ends of the political world but that has never stopped us from being best of friends for over 35 years now. We can agree and disagree on everything and we can respect each others positions because we allow for the possibility of more than one answer. While I still believe in Justin and generally like where our country is going he did open my eyes to a few things with logic and reason. so by the end of our discussion I had to agree that he was right about a few things. My world did not fall apart and I still have him as a friend. Plurality, it's a thing.

So whether we are coded one way or another I do believe it's important to note that codes can be re-written and adjusted. We can change. People used to believe that the earth was flat, now they don't, save those flat earth society types of course. We used to believe that we could literally scare the sick out of people, thankfully smarter people came along and started using science and reason to come up with better ways of curing illness. I think of my own brush with cancer, radioactive disk sewn on to my eye to kill a tumour or have Bob jump out from behind the door to scare it away? I'll take the disk and punch Bob in the throat thank you very much.

And that is my thing for today.
Ciao
D

Where Do You Draw The Line?

I have read with interest the case of Dr. Mehta at Acadia University, a tenured professor being fired for his behaviour and views that, according to the University, go beyond what would be considered both normal and acceptable. The man stands accused of fostering a hostile work place for his colleagues and a place to not only espouse his views on the world but, more dastardly, shoot down anyone that dares to question his version of said world.

So, let me go out on a limb here and state that this guy sounds like one of those nut job believers in conspiracy theories and has deeply held convictions that "they" have it too good and why should "they" get a leg up when others don't. "They" being women, minorities and any other group that seem to get preferential treatment in his view. You needn't think too hard to know where I am going to come down on when it comes to my view of the good doctor.

I will preface what I am about to say by saying that I have not met this guy, sat in his class or read anything other than what has been reported in the news. I will also say that I know this guy, more specifically, guys like this. Annoying little fucks that carry chips on their shoulders for all manner of real and perceived problems that they like to blame on everyone else but themselves. Women, minorities, aboriginals and just about anyone else gets scooped up in their vitriol, and they will mask they're racism and misogyny as free speech; and should you question them on their views you are attacking the very freedom that scores have died for. Get fucked.

Why is it that these douche canoes feel like they can trample all over everyone else's rights in their search for justification and a sympathetic ear? Lurking in the not so dark and dark corners of the web, with names like Rebel Media and leaders/fans like Alex Jones and Rush Limbaugh. Under guise of academic freedom, political populism and simple free speech, emboldened by the likes of Drumph and his ilk, the truth these people speak almost always comes with a cost. The cost in human terms, for the people targeted by these Idi Amin wannabes, is dignity, peace and yes freedom. 

"Not that I condone fascism; or any ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. 

A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself."

Ferris Bueller

Yes, Ferris had it right back in the 80's. Believing in an "ism" may make you feel better, may even make sense but it will, by simple definition, lead to one group of people looking down on another and lead to exclusion and/or persecution of others. This is an almost inescapable by product of your desire to play footsie with any faction of people out there. We have seen it time and again through history. Right, left, Catholic, Jew - it doesn't matter, for one to grow it often leads to standing on the throats of the other. And that's where my problem lies with the likes of Dr Mehta. I don't care what you believe in. I really don't. Unicorns are real and sex with penguins is a turn on for you? Fill your boots, just keep your shit over there and out of my face. Don't try to convert me to your way of life and prepare for a response should you find yourself in need of belittling others within earshot. If you want to talk about things, great - I am all for healthy discussion and debate. It is when conversions and crusades come into play that I stop listening and start reacting.

Some will argue that curtailing this guys free speech is the bigger issue, we must after all preserve it regardless of how objectionable it might be. I will grant you a portion of that argument, with the strongest caveat being related to how said message is delivered and if it is to someone else's detriment. It is, I believe, against the law to yell fire in a movie theatre when there is no fire. The same as you are not allowed to joke about having explosives while waiting in line to board a plane. Your right is not absolute so you shouldn't be able to spew Nazi hate without expecting consequences of one kind or another. I'm thinking a throat punch.

This whole episode has raised my ire a tad I must say. There is little patience for this kind of douche baggery in my opinion and I do really believe that we are all obligated to stand up to this nonsense when it presents itself. So, on the face of it, good for you Acadia. Out with douches!!!

Ciao

D 

That's How I Got To Memphis

A country song? Really? Have no fear, I'm not about to don cowboy boots and buy a douche bag truck, country music remains in the same category it always has. Which doesn't preclude me from taking inspiration from a lyric or two; on these very pages I have written about Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson's You're Always On My Mind, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that this song got me thinking. It also shouldn't come as a surprise that it was an Aaron Sorkin show that brought this tune to me. See, I haven't changed.

Or maybe I have. And that's the point dear reader. As Sorkin brilliantly put it, Memphis is a stand in for where you are, it talks of how you got to where you are in life. A romance, a life change, sickness and death...insert so many other events, large and small, and see how life can sometimes leave you feeling like you're dancing on puppet strings.

"If you love somebody enough

You'll follow wherever they go"

I have changed over time. I think we all do. Not the core of us of course, I think that remains constant save for the ebbs and flows like a meandering river, which is as good a metaphor for life that I can think of. Yesterday I was walking a beach on the Northumberland Shore, seals sunning themselves on a sandbar not to far from us and simply enjoying the pleasure of spending time with Tammy and her boy. Who would have thought that six months ago? And that's the important part, being open to whatever comes your way. Being open to ending up in Memphis. The destination matters less than the journey; people we meet, things we do and the love that is built around shared expereinces as well as hopes for the future.

"If you love somebody enough

You'll go where your heart wants to go"

Milestones seem to be the word of the day, Scott's birthday; a blessing all things considered, first day of university for all three of my little birds with the youngest one starting day one in the next step of her journey while my oldest starts medical school, and last but not least, by any stretch, celebrating six months together with the love of my life. OK fine, six months and a day but I was busy yesterday with the seals and stuff. 

All around me people are journeying to their own Memphis, or is that Memphii? Some are there for the time being as I really do think Memphis is a fluid kind of place, remember, it is actually on the rivers edge.

How did I get to Memphis? Waiting outside that coffee shop for a first date, a blustery kind of day and she walks up to me a gives me a hug because she's a hugger. So am I. And in those next two hours over a hot beverage we connected. Here we are six months later planning a future together. Hello Memphis!! Life is beautiful.

"That's how I got to Memphis

That's how I got to Memphis"

Ciao

D

Scales

And what exactly does the measure of man use as a yardstick? How do we rectify all the complexities that we all own at the end of the road? Deep thoughts for a Sunday morning as I sip my java, do a little food prep and listen to the latest Spotify algorithm just for me.

This stems from John McCain passing away yesterday of course and the almost instant plethora of tributes, denunciations and online vitriol on all sides. The man died, chill out people. Show something that your parents should have instilled in you...respect. Think Aretha Franklin if you need a reminder. Anyway, this deluge got me to thinking about how no matter who you are you will have those that like you and those that dislike you. It is simply human nature. Nobody is universally loved.

So how will we think of Mr McCain in years to come? Will there always be an asterisk by his name for this thing or that? Sadly, yes. We can't just say that the man had complexities? As we all do. In the grand scheme of life, for me, the balance for McCain is more positive than negative. Whether you agreed with him politically he subscribed to the creed of public service. He served in the military, was a prisoner of war at the infamous Hanoi Hilton for five years and upon returning home he dedicated his life to serving the public as an elected representative. Ran for president a few times and never won but continued to serve. Made some political, legal and ethical gaffs along the way but still he worked hard for what he perceived his greatest duty, the people of the United States. May in rest in peace.

But that won't be it. We don't let people rest in peace anymore do we? Case in point, Mackenzie King; respected as a thoughtful, somber and serious man that led Canada longer than any other prime minister. Through World War Two no less, he also was serviced by prostitutes and spoke to ghosts according to a biography based on his own memoirs. Does all that change how we night view him? When you heard that John Lennon had a history of domestic abuse how did you feel? For someone to seek out and proclaim that love was the answer to the ills of the world how could he be a douche like that? I lost some respect for him when I heard that but in the end the overall image of him is still more positive than negative...hate the sin, not the sinner someone once said.

The Egyptian Goddess Maat was the goddess of truth, justice and balance, not to mention harmony, order and morality. Maybe deities of different stripes can pass judgement if that's the kind of thing you want or need to believe in, personally I use my own yardstick. Was that person decent? Do I trust them? Would I trust them with others that I love? Of course there are levels that corespond with how much you really can know someone but it's as good a place to start as I can think of. If the hairs on my neck stay put we're off to a good start.

We all carry imperfections around with us like so many loonies in our pockets. Most of us are not inherently bad or evil people but we are all complicated and messy. While I will never face the scrutiny that someone like McCain or Lennon have and will continue to face I take solace in the simple fact that most days I can look myself in the mirror and like what stares back. Imperfections and all we should all give ourselves a bit of a break and look to the good stuff a little more.

Ciao
D

POF and Methuselah

The world of online dating, or even dating in general, in your 40's can, at best, be described as simply crazy, at worse...THUNDERDOME!!! The running joke for someone considering getting divorced is to let them hang out on POF or Tinder for a week and that would scare them straight. Of course that's not true for all and it leaves out the context surrounding said decision. But there is something to be said for the general sense of dread when jumping into that pond...it can be ugly.

Having said that I stand before you as proof positive that it can and does actually work. I met my one and only and I know others that have as well. I am happy to leave that world behind of course but I have to be honest, I am thankful I had my time there. The experiences I had and the people I met have led me to where I am today, I always knew I would meet her and fall madly in love, it just simply took time to get there. And so it can for everyone.

For certain I feel blessed to be 50, alive and happy at the same time. I know it's not the same for everyone as we all have shit to deal with. The severity of it all depends on circumstances and perspective, fortunately at the moment both of these are positive for me, so I'll take that scenario any day and twice on Sundays.

So what's my point? How to avoid mid-life crisis? Dating advice? Relationship classes? Laughable as they all are and fodder for all sorts of nonsense, I think my point is perspective itself. Our lives are coloured by all manner of flotsam and jetsam that we pass through. Good times, bad times and everything in between; going from diapers to prom dresses in the snap of a finger and than you have to grow up and be adulty. WTF is that all about? And now after 30 plus years of that you've got the last half of your life to live. You've won some, lost some and yet there is more to come. How we view all that has happened and look at what will happen is what, in the end, we will be most influenced by. Choose wisely I say.

Be it dating or work or any number of life experiences, how we go into the thing matters. Despite the nature of online dating I looked at it as a way to say hello without having to walk up to someone in the flesh. And when we did meet I genuinely walked in thinking, OK, maybe this will be the last time I have to do this. She could be the one. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of these encounters were positive and from them I have gained friendship and treasured experiences...see, perspective matters. If you go in negative or resigned to a position of barely veiled apathy, chances are you won't find a good result.

One of the oldest living things on earth is a tree named Methuselah in California. A Bristlecone Pine high up in the mountains past Death Valley. Maybe not the most inhospitable place on earth but certainly up there, and yet there stands a tree older than the pyramids...just living out life. That tree could provide perspective for us all. Weathering time and the elements this tree stands as a testament to resilience. Given the time to feel the passage of ages one would, hopefully, be in awe of the tree simply being. Bravo tree. Only God knows if the tree has already passed midlife crisis time or is simply getting warmed up. Given the choice, I would choose the latter as my prism to look to the future with.

So what does it take? My answer would be nothing more than being vulnerable and not afraid. Simple right? The thing is, you got to find that within you and in your own way. My rose coloured glasses fit me and me only...you could rub my arm for some of it but that might get weird so best not to. Know this, not stepping out guarantees more of whatever the same might be for you.

Ciao
D

The Journey

Why do we travel? There will be plenty of answers, as varied as the people that answer the question in the first place. To see things, to meet people, to get away from it all, to say we did something, social pressure, because we can, because we are gluttons for punishment? Sure...whatever works for you is fine of course.

As I've written here previously, while I haven't had the opportunity to travel as much as I would have liked, the latter part of my life will be certainly more full of the travel bug. In the past year I have been to Toronto, Montreal twice and I am now back from a huge trip to Croatia. And I'm already thinking of the next little get away. So, why do I travel and aspire to even more travel? Now that's a question I can answer.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. 
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. 
You take something with you. 

Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Anthony Bourdain

This quote from the late Monseigneur Bourdain does a good job of encapsulating certain thoughts I have around that question. I like to believe that being self aware is one of my strengths in life. I have no fear about holding a mirror up to my own self because a) I don't carry regrets and b) seeing those uncomfortable bits along with the good things in life are how we improve, how we learn, how we grow. So when I say that over the past five years I have done some real growth myself simply by opening my eyes and seeing I have come to believe that the journey, and not the destination itself, is the point of it all. I know, not really an original idea, but when you come to that realization on your own as opposed to regurgitating someone else's truth, it actually means something.

So I travel because I want those experiences during the journey that reinforces the idea that we all share this little blue dot. The late night bus ride from Dubrovnik to our Air BnB with the loutish middle age wannabe karaoke star. Swiping figs from the trees on our walks into town while passing young and old locals living their lives. The two brothers running their little hole in the wall, hot as hell, food shop; when queried by another customer what the sandwich came with, the response without looking up or facial expression of "mayonnaise" made me laugh and sent the other fellow back into the street scratching his head. It's not canned, there is no set rhythm because life isn't like that. One minute you're ready to leave your kid behind in Bosnia and the next you're sharing a laugh over a rustic pizza.

We saw beautiful sights, ate great food, swam in pristine crystal clear waters, my oldest daughter got engaged and we walked amongst history. We had a thousand encounters and than had some more. I want more. Short or long, I just want to keep moving. Doing stuff as opposed to having stuff. And the more I go the more I want to have those marks left on me while I leave my marks. Whatever those marks may look like in the end I know that the journey will be something to remember.

Ciao

D

Che

Listening to the CBC the other day I heard an interview with Ernesto Guevara's younger brother, Juan. A set piece to be sure but an interesting one none the less, with a couple of tid bits that caught my attention and thus this little post on this humid Sunday afternoon.

The image of Che is both as complicated and ubiquitous as just about any other in the modern day. I suppose when you live your life out loud as he did you will make your fair share of supporters and enemies, people will love you or they will fear you, and as we know, fear will make people do some awful things. His face is plastered around the world supporting the oppressed and down trodden while also selling t-shirts and promoting Cuban tourism. Proving once more that an image can be a powerful tool for who ever wants to pursue a message.

I'd recommend reading his story through his own writings, there are plenty of samples and books out there should you choose to. He was as complicated as you would guess, a doctor that killed, a restless revolutionary figure that truly desired better for the voiceless and master manipulator that knew the power of passion and conviction. That image above is the most recognizable part of his story and his life, obviously there is much more.

But I'm not here to do a history lesson. Something that his brother said caught my attention. Talking about his older brother and the mythic proportions he has reached...

“fight this myth and give back to my brother his human face … Ernesto was a man. We need to pull him down off his pedestal … He would have hated being turned into an idol … 

It is important to understand that he began as a normal, even ordinary person, 

who became an exceptional person who others can emulate.”

Whether you think him as a dangerous figure fomenting sedition or a romantic handsome hero fighting for the people, or somewhere in the middle of it all, he represents a complicated relationship with the world, but he was simply a man at the heart of it all. He had a family, he had dreams, he had doubts and he had fears. Just like us. And he was more than what we may think of him or even know of him, just like us.

Who the hell knows with any certainty what he would have thought about how his life has been portrayed since his death in the jungles of Bolivia. Like so many pundits there are a thousand opinions out there and everyone can be right and wrong at the same time, me thinks we spend too much time on that kind of question instead of what was really important. Like the nonsense surrounding Drumph, we have people on all sides flapping all kinds of gums in an effort to either curry favour or rally the troops. What gets lost in the noise are the very real issues that are around us as plain as day to see. Much like the abject poverty and hopelessness that Che saw on his ride through the Americas south and how he became radicalized as a result, we need to see what has been  happening for a very long time but now seems so much more prevalent because of our interconnected world. We're not very nice to each other and often not to ourselves. And sometimes I think we can't see it for the same reason that fish can't see water, we're in it.

Messy and uber complicated, Che did something for what he believed in. Whether you agree with his methods or not you can't deny his passion in pursuing his beliefs, he died from them in the end. So as a man and not a symbol his brother believes he is worthy of emulation, and in some ways so do I.

Ciao
D

Yes Professor

It's funny what you can remember. Years after the fact, picking up some tid bit of knowledge or insight from an event, a song lyric, a passage in a book. This morning I'm thinking of a book that I had picked up in the airport when traveling to Europe way back when. A long plane ride ahead I chose a spy thriller set during World War Two. I remember it being a good page turner with plausible intrigue and colourful characters. I won't spoil it for you but there is one scene that got me thinking in different terms last night as I tried to fall asleep.

Our hero David is breaking into the German embassy in Sweden and long story short he is faced with a floor in front of him riddled with sensors that will detect a change in weight should even a cat run across the floor. Don't think sensors as we think of them now, these were as described, spring loaded cones that would vibrate should enough force be applied to the floor above them. The vibration would complete an electrical connection and BAM....Gestapo at your feet.

So how did our protagonist overcome the seemingly impossible obstacle? This guy was an average kind of guy so no spider webs, no teleportation, no flying through the air. He remembered what a long dead violin professor had taught him years ago. Play to the center young man. There is more give in the strings when you move away from the bridge. So he reasoned, accurately, that by staying as close to the wall the floor boards would give less flex and thus spare him from an uncomfortable interview with a goose stepping Nazi.

Our boy succeeded in stealing what he went to steal and the story continued on. And 30 plus years later I'm thinking of that advice. Play to the center. I think a lot of us do, at work, in life, in love. It just seems safe there. You're not looking for attention, you're not looking to be singled out and maybe you've got a sense of happiness that comes from that middle road.

We hide in the crowd while people clearly not in the middle hurl rocks and obscenities and false claims in pursuit of what they are pushing for. Be it the right or the left, religious or atheist, north or south...there are always sides to be chosen. Human nature some would argue but in our case, as reasoning bipeds, we have free will, 24 hour cable crap and no lack of opinions held by all sorts of people to try and convince us that they are right.

I like to think that my point of view and response to the madness out there is fair and balanced and articulated from the left, but clearly, from the perspective of an ultra right evangelical, I am dangerous and thus need to be silenced. Scary in its own way to be sure, maybe more so by the fact that there are so many of them. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and play to the center. Except that only works in times of "peace", not when we are quite literally in a war with facts, dignity and humanity. At this point we have to choose sides, we need to stand up.

When it comes to love, and I've said this a few times, you have to be willing to be vulnerable to whatever comes your way. There is no center here, not for a truly inspiring and deep love the kind most of wish to have. Here we need to stand up for ourselves as much as anywhere else because our desire to be understood, seen and valued is at the very core of what true happiness can be.

Not the easiest thing to do. Comfort, out right apathy, fear and aggressive response will kick you in the stomach at every turn. Turning the tide takes time, perseverance and not a little bit of faith, quite a lot actually. Think of what Gandhi faced? The odds were stacked high against him but he gave us this:

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world"

Perhaps playing the hard notes brings a few more fence sitters to your side as the ones on the other side continue their barrage. By playing those hard notes we open ourselves up to the possibilities of love. Or maybe you get a shoe to the head. Either way, stay the course. If you truly believe in what you have to say, say it. Take your voice and your gifts and lead, allow time and perseverance to help you out. Don't let fear rule.

Ciao
D

Shine a Light

Ah, a season of milestones have come and gone. My oldest daughter graduated from Dalhousie and my youngest graduated from high school. Both of them have many years ahead of them to hit the books in pursuit of higher education, but today serves as a chance to look around and take in the show. Proud and reflective are the two emotions running through the noise of the day. And looking to tomorrow.

Facebook posts abound with friends and family celebrating the same things in their worlds, the spring right of passage as we move through the seasons and our lives. Watching our kids and the kids of our loved ones grow up right before our eyes. What will tomorrow bring?

The Light That Failed is the title of a book by Kipling that I have never read so this won't be a book review, sorry to disappoint. I bring it up because I am a fan of elegant verse that can mean so much to so many, and this one title has been knocking around for a little while in my melon head. I'm not sure why but I suspect that the words strike somewhere deep for me.

As parents most would agree our biggest fears revolve around our kids safety and happiness. Nurture and nature come to the fore ground as we wish "success" for our babies. What that success looks like is less about stuff and more about the heart. Life is messy at the best of times but if we spend a little time ensuring our hearts are taken care of then those messy bits will, hopefully, be more manageable, not as over bearing as they can sometimes be.

I wonder what the future holds for my three little birds not only in a personal way for them but in the greater world at large. Sometimes it does feel like we are at a cross roads of sorts lately. The orange idiot is doing more harm then most of us could have foreseen and every new day something else happens to darken the horizon a bit with him and people like him at the reigns of power. I'm not going to get into a diatribe about all that now as there might be one or two minor posts about all that already and there may be one more or so in the future. This is about staying in the light.

We all have choices to make in our lives and my hope is that my kids and all of us around them are making choices that are beneficial for all of us, not just a few or for one alone. In this season of prom dresses and grad pictures there is always great hope mixed with terror at what tomorrow brings. For all of us. Taking either baby steps or grand leaps into the future one should know that the only thing that is certain is that the future is coming, the world is spinning on its axis and it ain't gonna stop.

I am both filled with hope and not a little bit of fear for what tomorrow brings. I'm not fearful for myself but for all of us together. But when I hear of the amazing things that people can accomplish, that humanity, sacrifice and love are still the norm I have to believe in the better angels to finally shut down the devils that seem to never sleep.  The good things are often drowned out and simply not broadcast as much because lets face it, if it bleeds it leads, which means we have to work harder and smarter to ensure that the light doesn't fail.

What will tomorrow bring? I don't know. My hope is for more love and laughter and a shift to a gentler version of the world. Fighting everyday to keep that light from failing because darkness is no place for anyone to live a life in.


Bonne chance mes amours

D

Dear Fuckheads 2.0

I feel like a little explosion of aimed vitriol is in order today. And you won't even need to guess at whom. Please excuse me while I lose my shit for a moment or two.

You orange fuck face! You douche canoe of the highest order. I don't even know where to start, what douchey thing matters the most? You, as dotard in chief, have muddied the world of just about everything that you aim your stupid fuck face at. Trade, immigration, international relations, the gun debate, the health and welfare of your people, truth, justice, sanity and everything in-between. You sir have managed to normalise and thus desensitise the world to your bat shit crazy proclamations, antics and twitter rants. By sucking the oxygen out of the world you have changed the environment. Between you and those laughable congressional sycophants "fucked up" doesn't go far enough in describing the world that is around you.

I suppose if you ask any of the the hundreds of families that have children locked up in converted Wal Mart's and quasi concentration camps they would definitely say that their plight needed the most attention. The image of a mural of Drumphs face, the American flag and the saying "sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war" in one of these facilities is simply chilling to me. "Arbeit Macht Frei" (work will set you free) at the entrance of Auschwitz comes to mind. Or the old Soviet posters from the cold war era proclaiming the glory of the state and triumph of the worker. How is this possible? How can a country founded on the principles contained within their constitution, strengthened by generations of welcoming the world and being a beacon of freedom turn into this fucking mess? When you use the bible to try and justify your actions you are no better, excuse me, you are exactly like the Taliban and their ilk.

If you ask nations that have been allies and trading partners to that train wreck of a country on our border then you would get a whole new set of answers when it comes to incomprehensible trade policies and foreign relations. Canada is a security risk now? Really? We burned down the white house? That stupid Cheeto actually stood there and said that trade wars were easy to win. I know, I can't help but laugh either. They are not you ignorant piece of shit, they cause collateral damage that is next to impossible to quantify and if I was a betting man somehow you and your pals will come out just fine. Instead you cosy up to the likes of Kim Jong Un, Rodrigo Duterte and your pen pal Putin while casting shadows on your traditional allies and strongest trading partners. You don't run foreign policy like a dry run of your insipid show The Apprentice you dumb ass.

Your constant lies and attacks on the free media are simply Hitler's regurgitated and extruded spam like shit. Your lies are making the world an uglier place and unfortunately for the half of your country that doesn't support you America is being dragged down further than anyone thought possible. How sad a commentary is it to say "God I miss W".

What really is the icing on the cake, or in this case the ring around the latrine is the way so called Republicans follow you blindly down that shit strewn garden path you have imagined. I can't fathom how anyone can look in the mirror and lock eyes with the reflection in front of them...shame on you all. If you actually believe and support the shit he spews then you are without a doubt an idiot and a racist. If you are going along because you want to bask in the reflected orange glow then you are simply a piece of shit. End of story.

I admit I have grown weary of the gas lighting and constant barrage of lies and more lies. The brain can take only so much of this. But then I remembered that what these twits want is for you to lose interest, shake your head in disbelief and change the channel. This way they can simply do more of the same without anyone paying to close attention. And I remember this quote from Edmund Burke:

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

That is everyone. You, me and them. We let this fuck wad win again with his blithering band of supporters and he will be scraping the faces off of Mount Rushmore and replacing them with his head. How he plans to colour that monument is beyond me but you get the sense that he would do it and open up a golf course nearby serving the best chocolate cake ever.

No, I'm afraid we need to turn up the volume and speak the truth about all the ism's this ass hat represents. So join me in a resounding "Fuck Trump!!!"

Elegy for a Chef

When you grow up in an industry such as mine you don't often find role models and heroes

to emulate, sure we had cook books and recipes and history to look back on and learn from but not a lot of the inside scoop as it were. Our traditions were passed through stories about the good old days, every cook you came across would have their versions of the same stories you were living. Epic screw ups, tyrant chefs, idiotic co-workers and the constant hum of foolishness that runs through a younger persons world. Before the advent of the celebrity chef you simply didn't know, on a wide scale, what really went on behind those doors to the kitchen. Anthony Bourdain changed that.

He released Kitchen Confidential in 2000 or so and it spilled the guts on a world that I lived in, minus about 10 years and one incredibly large city as a backdrop. The book was an expression of honesty and debauchery that shined a light on a world that is hard to believe is real. There are chapters contained within that you could easily insert my life into as just about any other cook I know. The people we know and work with, the patrons, the owners and bosses and all the other players in an industry whose sole purpose is to do for others. Service, the good and the bad, is at the heart of it all. I recommend the read highly, Bourdain had a way with words that painted a picture that was both beautiful and raw, no illusions of grandeur or false sense of importance. It was ok that we simply cooked food, did our best to have fun while working in conditions that nobody would willingly want to go into and lived to tell about it. He was the enemy of pretension and froo froo in food and in people. He was authentic and imperfect and he will be missed.

The book not only laid bare the inner workings of the kitchen world but opened up his life to scrutiny. He was painfully honest about his addictions and demons, he struggled mightily to overcome the day to day battles, too often with chemical help. The fact that he was as honest as we was endeared him to many of us in the trenches and in some ways we took his victories as ours because we know how it really is to be surrounded by fire, raw meat and sharp knives. Along the way he shone a light not only on the world of restaurants but on humanity itself and this I fear is where we will miss him the most.

Through his seemingly dream like job of travelling and eating his way around the world he showed us the essence of humanity. As he pointed out we all have traditions around the simple and fundamental act of sharing food. As much as we are different we care for our children and have a need for community, dignity and love in much the same ways. He showed us this by being an honest broker of authentic life around the world. Tales from around the table over dishes both humble and extravagant are at the heart of his ability to connect us all together. This broken and imperfect man did more then tell you how to braise a lamb shank, at the very least he showed that it was more than ok to walk beside uncomfortable waters and experience the dark, because in the end that was the way to truly see and appreciate the light.

It's interesting to me that Scott introduced me to his book all those years ago because in many ways Scott and Bourdain are alike. Iggy Pop fans, off kilter anarchists and left leaning truth speakers, as hard as it may be to hear that truth sometimes. No reservations indeed.

Bourdain transitioned from crazy ass chef to world travelling conscience of the common man. Winning awards and walking the red carpet didn't take away from the fact that he wanted to bring everyday stories to us all, for in those stories he was sharing not only authentic food but authentic people with the rest of us. And saddened as we may be by his end, with questions and disbelief, I think we are better for having him here for a small part in our lives. His wit, his view and his humanity will be missed.

R.I.P. Chef

The Dance of Love and Freedom

If you were to look through the multitude of posts I have written here you may come away with the notion that I am a cockeyed optimist and a not so secret hopeless romantic at heart. Well, you'd be right. My rantings about a multitude of things aside, the over arching message in the tapestry of my life, especially over the past 5 years or so, has been about being the way I am. Always.

Putting words here has been cathartic and enlightening, helping me to process the things I needed to process. In the same way putting myself out there in the dating world since my separation and divorce has been at times illuminating, invigorating, frustrating and to say the least interesting. I've learned things from every single relationship I have had and I have also learned that there is no one right way to do this, it simply is a case of putting yourself out there and waiting for the right person to walk in to your life.

And then it happened, seemingly out of nowhere I met her and the world became a different place. None of the "rules" I had come to know and expect were being followed. The heart decided and the mind followed closely behind, as "they" say, "when you know, you know". I knew, with very little doubt, that it would happen for me at some point. I always kept an optimistic outlook when it came to matters of the heart so when we met and we knew, it wasn't at all scary or shocking. What was shocking was the way it took hold. Almost instantaneously, as if we saw in each other exactly what we wanted and even more importantly we saw the other person whole.

So this is what it's supposed to feel like? Totally raw and exposed and yet without fear. The words to describe this sometimes do not do it justice but being utterly and completely in love sure goes a long way. Truly I am feeling blessed that she has come into my life, allowing me to be myself, both free and completely open. Everything I have said over the past few years here about living life out loud and without fear or regret is being played out in real time, for both of us. There is nothing we can't deal with as we journey together to whatever our future is. We do things for each other not to score points on some virtual tally sheet but because we want to. It brings us pleasure to do for the other. To know these things and to understand them is the essence of what I feel true love is.

Tammy my love, I get lost in your eyes and in your smile so much that I feel I might miss something if I look away. Your open and wide heart is full of a love that I didn't know existed and you have made me a better person simply by walking into my life that brisk March day. You have me completely and fully. Always.

Je t'aime Bella

Daniel