Bonfire of the Vanities

My how times have changed. What once was is no longer and what mattered before matters not at all. What the hell is he talking about now you may be asking yourself. Allow me to explain if I may.

When I was a young man playing young man games I chased the same dreams a lot of people chased at that time in my life. I'm not talking about things that would have brought me to temptation and mortal sin such as were destroyed in actual bonfires in the 15th century and where the term "Bonfire of the Vanities" comes from. Although, maybe they are in the same category come to think of it.

I coveted a sky blue 1968 Camaro RS that I walked by everyday on my way to school. It was a cool looking car that conjured images and sounds that resonated with me when I was all of 14. I recall dreaming of the bachelor life in a bachelor pad on the fringes of the downtown core when I was 18. I was looking for freedom and opportunity; the real American dream when you add in the pursuit of the almighty dollar. Of course at 18 that is what I was missing, the dollars to afford my lifestyle dreams, not to mention a direction to go in with my future endeavours.

I was never what I considered a fashion maven so clothing and anything remotely attached to style were not in my wheel house of desire. Except for once when I really wanted construction boots one year, since all my buddies had them and they were the best for "soccer baseball"; instead I ended up with sensible Cougar winter boots that sort of looked like the colour of construction boots. Sigh.

I still have the stereo system that I convinced my folks to get for my 18th birthday. On occasion laying down some vinyl for a spin. But that pretty much checks off my vanity list. Because, like most "normal" people I grew up and matured, ever so slightly. Other things became important and they were not tied to a thing.

Taking pride not in my car or the clothes I wore, I instead took pride in the things that still matter most to me now. My family being at the top of the list of course. The very best part of me is wrapped up in them. The way I am as a person as well. Far from perfect but not a bad guy at the end of the day. Living a life out loud and being proud of it is not such a bad place to be.

I suppose in the end the passage of time coupled with life experiences has taught me the importance of being at peace with where my life is. Accepting that I won't be flying jets or riding motorcycles, summering in the South of France and being consulted by statesmen on state affairs doesn't detract one bit from the happiness I feel today and for what will come tomorrow.

As some of you may have noticed I have been writing less here in this blog o' mine. I began to wonder about this and the best I can say about it is that I feel more at peace and centered in my life then I can ever recall. My pontifications have been proclaimed, I have railed against many things that needed railing against and I have, quite publicly, said a lot of shit over the past three years that I needed to say. I like to believe that my desire to say something is being channelled into other places that perhaps require more then a few minutes to read; after all, I do have a typewriter now so one never knows where one might be reading my words.

Not that I will forgo this place entirely, it has brought me much happiness over the past three years. A place of exploration, a place of comfort and of reason. Like my stereo I will always have this special place to call on when needed.

Ciao
D

 

Stop Thief!

There is, I think, something to be said for the supposed benevolence of the man. When the powers that be can get their act together to try and make a bad situation better for the people that are affected; thinking of disasters, natural and not, it is easy to see the immediate benefit of troops sandbagging against the rising river or the heroic actions of so many when the towers came down that sunny September day. Not many would argue that big brother wasn't needed. But when it comes to the idea that big brother had it right when it comes to First Nations, well - the jury has already come to a decision there and it's not pretty by any stretch of the imagination. There may have been snippets of trying to do good but overwhelmingly we have acted poorly.

We all know the history to one degree or another;  a cultural genocide that featured such gems as The Gradual Enfranchisement Act, which sounds good but really wasn't, which led to The Indian Act which gave us reneged treaties, residential schools, The 60's Scoop and on and on and on. If you think we are any different to our neighbours to the south please think again. Our country has a dark stain on its heart for what we have done to the original owners of the land we call Canada.

I'll be the first to admit that my own knowledge of the depth of the horrific treatment of the tribes of Canada is paltry but it doesn't take a PhD to figure out that we have been without honour in our dealings for far too long. Where does this post come from? Yesterday listening to commentary from individuals that were responding to the premier of Saskatchewan and his apology for his provinces part in the 60's Scoop. These people sounded hollow to me, as if they've had enough of fighting to simply get someone to stand up and say sorry. That the mere effort to get to this stage had drained them completely, and it upset me. Why? Because we have, on full display for the world to see, the systematic racism that First Nations people face every day. There is no escaping it; it is fact and it is ugly. It may be better than it used to be but it ain't good. I have seen it in daily dealings from everyday people and I have read stories of the high incarceration rates, children sniffing gas on reserves and the abject horror of murdered and missing women. We have been and continue to steal a culture away from a people that deserve our support and protection just as if it was little Ashley or Jordan down the street.

We are not alone in this world when it comes to how we treat the founding nations; we are part of a fraternity of nations that I wish we were not but hiding our heads in the sand is not the answer. We have to face the truth and continue to work at redemption. Words matter but actions will make the most difference. Healing the sins of our fathers will take time, education and true engagement - I hope we are up to the task.

Ciao
D

 

Find Hope

Dig that hole, it takes you

It is dark down here 

Fear begets fear

Look down and away

Can't see the forest for the trees

Moss grows heavy, echoes die

Hard ground

Can't stay warm

Where does it end

Horrible news today, a sad reminder that darkness is never far from any of us. A vibrant and beautiful soul of a girl that used to work for me a few years back succumbed to her mental illness. I was shocked, as I am sure many of her tribe would have been to find this out; one of those people you would never have guessed to be in a battle with the demons inside. A quiet prayer for her family and friends, for strength, grace and some form of peace when the time comes for that part of the grieving journey. 

Thoughts for those amongst us dealing with a scourge as prevalent as cancer but without the same kind of support, resources and understanding. Too often mental illness is shunted aside because of shame or failure to understand that this is quite simply an illness. An illness that robs a person of their ability to see their worth and beauty as others do. An illness that creates dark corners that are hard to get out of. An illness that, because of fear and shame, often gets hidden behind a smile, behind being busy, behind...behind.

I'm at a loss for words but I have to say that talking can help. That shining a light on the darkness can help. It will take time and it may seem insurmountable but we can always move forward to a place of safety and light. Find hope.

Awaken

Horizon is nigh 

Hope begets hope

I'm always here if you need to talk or just to listen.

D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

Hues of Life

A wonderful treat this morning, an early present just for me as I drove into work on Christmas Eve, a beautiful sunrise that this picture simply does not do justice to. The frigid morning gave way to hues of pink mirrored on the basin and stretched out across the horizon; truly breathtaking, hence stopping the car to get a shot or two before carrying on with my short commute.

When you can start a day with that kind of beauty you know it's meant to be a good one. So we find ourselves upon another Christmas Merry, my 50th if my math is right; I have a lot to be thankful for at this time of year and I have things that bring sadness too, just to keep life on an even keel I guess. I imagine we all have those conflicting emotions going on and not just at Christmas time, just that with the holidays and the plethora of holiday tunes we seem to be more aware of all emotions, positive and not, a little more. I know I am.

In a couple of days I will mark the three year anniversary of my eye cancer diagnosis. A late Christmas gift you could say. I remember thinking how is eye cancer even a thing and shortly after that thinking shit, now I have to tell my mom about it. Funny what a mind can worry about. But I am alive and kicking quite well thank you. Sadly though, my best friend is gone; losing his battle to the scourge of cancer, passing back in October.

And as if to prove the theory of Even Steven, the night before he passed, leaving the hospital after our visit with him, my wonderful and beautiful Tammy said yes when I asked for her hand in marriage along the shores of Blue Rocks in the fading twilight. It was not how I envisioned asking her but it was perfectly right for me at the moment. I got to spend sometime with Scott that I will treasure to the end of my own days, and as we left him I showed him the ring that I was going to propose with; he smiled with smiling eyes and I knew it was right.

These opposing emotions are what makes life what it is I think. The highs tempered by the lows and the lows softened by the highs and the one constant is our loved ones that we live our lives with.

"We win together, we lose together. We celebrate and we mourn together. 

And defeats are softened and victories sweeter because we did them together"

The West Wing

A year ago I couldn't imagine being where I am now, an almost dream like state where I have found my one and only. A gift for me and I couldn't be more blessed or happy, yet one that I can no longer share with my brother. Thankfully I had Tammy with me on this journey, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like without her there, the grace under that kind of pressure made the journey about the experience and not about the outcome. For that I am truly grateful. In those moments of despair I found nothing but love and compassion. 

The tapestry of my life has been weaved ever more this year, colours and texture added to fill a full life even more. Memories that will live forever and promises of new ones to come. 

For my friends, my family (old and new) and for all - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. 

Everyday Hero

Stan Lee, iconic Marvel Comics legend and cameo master, died the other day. At 95 years old the man has been a fixture in the superhero/entertainment world for many decades. The creator of Spider-man (my favourite superhero), The Hulk, The Avengers and so many more; the world is a tad sadder today with the passing of this unique and prolific talent.

In the aftermath of his death tributes poured in and people scrambled to put together thoughts on how Mr Lee had helped shape a small part of the world for the better. Now, I'm no comic book nerd and I couldn't tell you who most of the superheroes are out there but I did hear a great interview with a free lance artist that does some work for Marvel; he threw some illumination on it all and why some people are comic book freaks, in particular why Marvel is better than DC.

This fellow spoke of the way Marvels superheroes reflect true humanity. These heroes, as he put it, are "us', they have doubts, they have flaws, they fight against their supposed calling, they are messy and they are complicated. In simplest form, they are not nearly perfect like some of the heroes from D.C Comics. Look at Superman and Wonder Woman, "just doing my job mam" kind of responses to just having saved a plane load of children when you know that Spider-man would have a quip or two to share with the world.

This got me to thinking of perfection, or the search for it at least. Young girls are inundated with images of what the world thinks they should look like, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook posts that belie the truth that it's OK to not be all the same, that you don't have to look like that model over there and that yes you are beautiful just as you are. The fallacy of this kind of search for perfection is that it is not real, people are trying to measure up to a Superman or a Wonder Woman when they should find happiness in being Spider-man. Be weird, be strange - be yourself. But maybe don't be Hulk so much.

The forces that shaped Spider-man, Thor et al, are as complex as the heroes themselves. Peter Parker turned away from helping someone out and his uncle got whacked. Thor learned what the true meaning of hubris was for his douche canoe actions. Hulk, well Hulk is green and full of rage - unbridled rage that causes great destruction and provides a cautionary tale on the folly of losing self control, spectacularly so.

The desire for perfection cuts both ways, whether we strive for it in our selves or we look for it in others really only serves to feed a beast that is probably insatiable. I think it plays a large part in why happiness is sometimes hard to come by, we're too busy looking for a version of something that probably doesn't exist. Crazy world eh?

In an interview with a magazine writer, Stan the Man gave an eloquent response to the writers question on his own sons super power dreams:

My 8-year-old son Immanuel profoundly wrote his super power would be the ability to touch someone's heart and turn evil and hate into love.

His superhero creation was Love-Man.

Given the opportunity to ask the chief creative force behind the rise of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee, his thoughts on my son's super power, the spritely 94-year-old beamed.

"If somebody could make love instead of hate throughout the world then I would say he would be the greatest super hero of all," said Lee. "So encourage your son."

Maybe Stan was a superhero in disguise as a mild mannered man about town.

R.I.P Stan Lee

Ciao
D

Where Do We Go From Here?

The wind is bitter and reminds us of the coming season. Winter is near. Accompanying the ridiculous daylight savings ritual is the knowledge that soon we will be faced with drivers that forgot that snow and ice come just about every year around this time, stores already full of the coming festive spending spree promising the latest must haves and can't live with outs. In short time we will bear witness to shoppers losing their shit over the latest deals on TV's and spending way too much money on "stuff."

This year, maybe more so than the last few years, I find myself resisting the idea that happiness is a short trip to the mall away. Not that I haven't always been a tad hateful of the mall and all it represents and I know without equivocation that happiness comes from within; rather, I think this year, after the roller coaster ride life has taken me on the last month or so I feel like I don't even want to hear about Alexa and her minions.

If you have been following over the past three years or so you will know I am about doing stuff as opposed to owning stuff, this is not new territory for me. What is new is where I am. Last month I got engaged and my best friend died the next day. Both were expected, both were emotional and both will have a lasting impact on my life. This past weekend a friend I had watched with pleasure and awe grow up got married and my oldest daughter had an engagement party to celebrate a future walk down the aisle. Everyday there is something uplifting and life affirming; and often there is something to remind us that hope is the one thing keeping us afloat some days.

The appeal of hope is what brought Barrack Obama to the presidency and 8 years later we were rudely reminded what fear and everything that can derive from it can do. But hope is still there. It springs forth eternally it would seem from the very bosom of our collective lives. We had it 100 years ago as The Great War ended and we have it now. And thank God we do. There is darkness in the world, we all know that as we weaponize everything from the bible to our own words. We drive wedges between everything and seemingly standing on someone else's throat is the best way to make us feel we have a chance at grasping whatever wish we may have for ourselves.

Of course that is not the case for us all. In fact I would argue that there is more good than not out in the great wide open world. And that is where hope and love come into the equation. Allowing for "love opening the door" leads us, I think, to a better place to be and one I will always try to stay in. And in times of doubt and fear, when the best course of action seems to be hiding from it all remember this - the sun comes up again tomorrow:

"You push everyone away

But you don't want to be alone

You still don't know what you want

But you have to let that go

And trust that the sun will rise

In the morning"

The Trews

So, while it seems it might just be us now, it doesn't have to be that way. On the "other side of fear" is hope and love. While my best friend has departed, his memory will not, and I know him well enough to know that he would haunt me in the worst possible way if I didn't keep moving forward and living life out loud and large.

I hope you join me.

Ciao
D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

A Thousand Points of Light

Last night I watched with interest the Munk Debates featuring Steve Bannon and David Frum arguing the future of populism; a lively and somewhat passionate exchange of two conservative figures in the world of politics and all things right leaning. I say somewhat passionate because I didn't see the kind of fire that comes from liberals when they rail against the latest injustice, real or not, inflicted upon the world. I suspect that is for two reasons a) David Frum is polished and in control, he's not likely to lose his cool in any situation and b) Steve Bannon on the other hand looked like he has been working on keeping his frothing at the mouth in check. He has learned that there is a time and place for his particular brand of rhetoric. Last night was not his time to spew vileness but use carefully chosen catch phrases to help don the cape of acceptability. Watch it for yourself to decide what makes more sense to you.

Unsurprisingly I began watching with my "lefty liberal" mind pre-disposed to throw bricks at Bannon. He is, after all, one of the brains behind the rise of a populist movement that espouses the politics of division, of hate and of fear. To my mind there is no debating that fact, no matter how many times he says Drumph loves everyone. But I watched with an open mind none the less, because I believe in allowing everyone a voice and I wasn't for the notion of cancelling the debate because Bannon is a racist homophobic douche. If you subscribe to the notion that only light can drive out the darkness than you must allow for a voice to be heard from the "other" side; slamming the door on them only breeds more discontent, and we certainly have too much of that already.

So, what did I think? Frum did a good job of painting a picture that acknowledges that yes, we have problems that need to be fixed. Very gracious of him considering he was part of the machinery that threw the world into chaos as a member of the Bush administration. He coined the phrase axis of evil for good ole "W"; think on that for a moment or two. Frum is right wing to the core and he even acknowledges that he was an odd choice arguing for the liberals. But he did address that in such a way that I was impressed with his tight rope walking act. He is not a fool, I may not agree with his politics but I do respect his intelligence and reason.

Further more, Frum, a Canadian by the way, used as his main rebuttal of Bannon the fact that he does agree with Bannon on the fact that there are  problems that need to be solved. Too many people are left behind as the gap between the have nots and the haves grows almost exponentially. In the middle there is a wide gap of discontent and fear. Frum contends that using the divisions that are espoused by Drumph and his enablers is only creating a world of us against everyone else. It's not your fault, it's not my fault - it's their fault! Jews, Mexicans, Muslims, Canadians...it doesn't matter.

And of course this gap is where the fascists like Bannon jump head long into. You "deplorables" need to tear down the system and get rid of the "elites". Yeah, how far away are we from concentration camps at this rate - oh wait, we're already there aren't we? Bannon spoke well and addressed his concerns and how he sees the world shaping in the future. Problem is, that for his brand of politics to work someone has to be blamed.

Wedge issues like abortion and health care; the economy of the everyday man and woman that doesn't give a crap about the stock market because they are too busy working three jobs to make ends meet. These are fertile grounds for both sides to stake ground in. How each side portrays this battleground and what they put forward for answers is the difference. Drumph and allies are calling the migrant caravan an invasion and responding with troops massing on the border. Democrats and actual honest to God Republicans (all three of them) are, for the most part, looking to address the issue of border hopping "illegals" in a fair and compassionate way. Same issue, different response. You decide for yourself.

It's easy to be against something; people protested last night because they were against allowing Bannon on the stage. Tiki carrying white nationalists are against tearing down statues honouring Confederate generals that fought for slavery, but really they are just scared and hateful of blacks. It's a lot harder to reach across the table and try and work out the differences that drive us apart. You can respond with hate or you can do the hard work that brings about real change. Do the hard work and do it everyday.

At Scott's funeral I met his namesake and his "brother from another mother", a lovely man named Robert Steele. He was the guy that Scott was talking about near the end because he was doing things to address injustice. When we met at the funeral we did what brothers do when we need each other - we hugged each other tight and shed a tear or two for our dearly departed best friend. And this is just part of his story CBC This is the little guy trying to right a wrong in a world that tells him to sit down. Here in Canada we think it's an American problem, it is not. It's everywhere and so it is everyone's problem.

Hide behind a cause if you will but most of us can see right through your vitriol and hate. Bannon, you spoke well but your message, your views and your actions cannot be ignored. I am confident that the thousand points of light that are the rest of us will slowly but surely bring us back.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King