Scales

And what exactly does the measure of man use as a yardstick? How do we rectify all the complexities that we all own at the end of the road? Deep thoughts for a Sunday morning as I sip my java, do a little food prep and listen to the latest Spotify algorithm just for me.

This stems from John McCain passing away yesterday of course and the almost instant plethora of tributes, denunciations and online vitriol on all sides. The man died, chill out people. Show something that your parents should have instilled in you...respect. Think Aretha Franklin if you need a reminder. Anyway, this deluge got me to thinking about how no matter who you are you will have those that like you and those that dislike you. It is simply human nature. Nobody is universally loved.

So how will we think of Mr McCain in years to come? Will there always be an asterisk by his name for this thing or that? Sadly, yes. We can't just say that the man had complexities? As we all do. In the grand scheme of life, for me, the balance for McCain is more positive than negative. Whether you agreed with him politically he subscribed to the creed of public service. He served in the military, was a prisoner of war at the infamous Hanoi Hilton for five years and upon returning home he dedicated his life to serving the public as an elected representative. Ran for president a few times and never won but continued to serve. Made some political, legal and ethical gaffs along the way but still he worked hard for what he perceived his greatest duty, the people of the United States. May in rest in peace.

But that won't be it. We don't let people rest in peace anymore do we? Case in point, Mackenzie King; respected as a thoughtful, somber and serious man that led Canada longer than any other prime minister. Through World War Two no less, he also was serviced by prostitutes and spoke to ghosts according to a biography based on his own memoirs. Does all that change how we night view him? When you heard that John Lennon had a history of domestic abuse how did you feel? For someone to seek out and proclaim that love was the answer to the ills of the world how could he be a douche like that? I lost some respect for him when I heard that but in the end the overall image of him is still more positive than negative...hate the sin, not the sinner someone once said.

The Egyptian Goddess Maat was the goddess of truth, justice and balance, not to mention harmony, order and morality. Maybe deities of different stripes can pass judgement if that's the kind of thing you want or need to believe in, personally I use my own yardstick. Was that person decent? Do I trust them? Would I trust them with others that I love? Of course there are levels that corespond with how much you really can know someone but it's as good a place to start as I can think of. If the hairs on my neck stay put we're off to a good start.

We all carry imperfections around with us like so many loonies in our pockets. Most of us are not inherently bad or evil people but we are all complicated and messy. While I will never face the scrutiny that someone like McCain or Lennon have and will continue to face I take solace in the simple fact that most days I can look myself in the mirror and like what stares back. Imperfections and all we should all give ourselves a bit of a break and look to the good stuff a little more.

Ciao
D

POF and Methuselah

The world of online dating, or even dating in general, in your 40's can, at best, be described as simply crazy, at worse...THUNDERDOME!!! The running joke for someone considering getting divorced is to let them hang out on POF or Tinder for a week and that would scare them straight. Of course that's not true for all and it leaves out the context surrounding said decision. But there is something to be said for the general sense of dread when jumping into that pond...it can be ugly.

Having said that I stand before you as proof positive that it can and does actually work. I met my one and only and I know others that have as well. I am happy to leave that world behind of course but I have to be honest, I am thankful I had my time there. The experiences I had and the people I met have led me to where I am today, I always knew I would meet her and fall madly in love, it just simply took time to get there. And so it can for everyone.

For certain I feel blessed to be 50, alive and happy at the same time. I know it's not the same for everyone as we all have shit to deal with. The severity of it all depends on circumstances and perspective, fortunately at the moment both of these are positive for me, so I'll take that scenario any day and twice on Sundays.

So what's my point? How to avoid mid-life crisis? Dating advice? Relationship classes? Laughable as they all are and fodder for all sorts of nonsense, I think my point is perspective itself. Our lives are coloured by all manner of flotsam and jetsam that we pass through. Good times, bad times and everything in between; going from diapers to prom dresses in the snap of a finger and than you have to grow up and be adulty. WTF is that all about? And now after 30 plus years of that you've got the last half of your life to live. You've won some, lost some and yet there is more to come. How we view all that has happened and look at what will happen is what, in the end, we will be most influenced by. Choose wisely I say.

Be it dating or work or any number of life experiences, how we go into the thing matters. Despite the nature of online dating I looked at it as a way to say hello without having to walk up to someone in the flesh. And when we did meet I genuinely walked in thinking, OK, maybe this will be the last time I have to do this. She could be the one. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of these encounters were positive and from them I have gained friendship and treasured experiences...see, perspective matters. If you go in negative or resigned to a position of barely veiled apathy, chances are you won't find a good result.

One of the oldest living things on earth is a tree named Methuselah in California. A Bristlecone Pine high up in the mountains past Death Valley. Maybe not the most inhospitable place on earth but certainly up there, and yet there stands a tree older than the pyramids...just living out life. That tree could provide perspective for us all. Weathering time and the elements this tree stands as a testament to resilience. Given the time to feel the passage of ages one would, hopefully, be in awe of the tree simply being. Bravo tree. Only God knows if the tree has already passed midlife crisis time or is simply getting warmed up. Given the choice, I would choose the latter as my prism to look to the future with.

So what does it take? My answer would be nothing more than being vulnerable and not afraid. Simple right? The thing is, you got to find that within you and in your own way. My rose coloured glasses fit me and me only...you could rub my arm for some of it but that might get weird so best not to. Know this, not stepping out guarantees more of whatever the same might be for you.

Ciao
D

The Journey

Why do we travel? There will be plenty of answers, as varied as the people that answer the question in the first place. To see things, to meet people, to get away from it all, to say we did something, social pressure, because we can, because we are gluttons for punishment? Sure...whatever works for you is fine of course.

As I've written here previously, while I haven't had the opportunity to travel as much as I would have liked, the latter part of my life will be certainly more full of the travel bug. In the past year I have been to Toronto, Montreal twice and I am now back from a huge trip to Croatia. And I'm already thinking of the next little get away. So, why do I travel and aspire to even more travel? Now that's a question I can answer.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. 
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. 
You take something with you. 

Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Anthony Bourdain

This quote from the late Monseigneur Bourdain does a good job of encapsulating certain thoughts I have around that question. I like to believe that being self aware is one of my strengths in life. I have no fear about holding a mirror up to my own self because a) I don't carry regrets and b) seeing those uncomfortable bits along with the good things in life are how we improve, how we learn, how we grow. So when I say that over the past five years I have done some real growth myself simply by opening my eyes and seeing I have come to believe that the journey, and not the destination itself, is the point of it all. I know, not really an original idea, but when you come to that realization on your own as opposed to regurgitating someone else's truth, it actually means something.

So I travel because I want those experiences during the journey that reinforces the idea that we all share this little blue dot. The late night bus ride from Dubrovnik to our Air BnB with the loutish middle age wannabe karaoke star. Swiping figs from the trees on our walks into town while passing young and old locals living their lives. The two brothers running their little hole in the wall, hot as hell, food shop; when queried by another customer what the sandwich came with, the response without looking up or facial expression of "mayonnaise" made me laugh and sent the other fellow back into the street scratching his head. It's not canned, there is no set rhythm because life isn't like that. One minute you're ready to leave your kid behind in Bosnia and the next you're sharing a laugh over a rustic pizza.

We saw beautiful sights, ate great food, swam in pristine crystal clear waters, my oldest daughter got engaged and we walked amongst history. We had a thousand encounters and than had some more. I want more. Short or long, I just want to keep moving. Doing stuff as opposed to having stuff. And the more I go the more I want to have those marks left on me while I leave my marks. Whatever those marks may look like in the end I know that the journey will be something to remember.

Ciao

D