Find Hope

Dig that hole, it takes you

It is dark down here 

Fear begets fear

Look down and away

Can't see the forest for the trees

Moss grows heavy, echoes die

Hard ground

Can't stay warm

Where does it end

Horrible news today, a sad reminder that darkness is never far from any of us. A vibrant and beautiful soul of a girl that used to work for me a few years back succumbed to her mental illness. I was shocked, as I am sure many of her tribe would have been to find this out; one of those people you would never have guessed to be in a battle with the demons inside. A quiet prayer for her family and friends, for strength, grace and some form of peace when the time comes for that part of the grieving journey. 

Thoughts for those amongst us dealing with a scourge as prevalent as cancer but without the same kind of support, resources and understanding. Too often mental illness is shunted aside because of shame or failure to understand that this is quite simply an illness. An illness that robs a person of their ability to see their worth and beauty as others do. An illness that creates dark corners that are hard to get out of. An illness that, because of fear and shame, often gets hidden behind a smile, behind being busy, behind...behind.

I'm at a loss for words but I have to say that talking can help. That shining a light on the darkness can help. It will take time and it may seem insurmountable but we can always move forward to a place of safety and light. Find hope.

Awaken

Horizon is nigh 

Hope begets hope

I'm always here if you need to talk or just to listen.

D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

Hues of Life

A wonderful treat this morning, an early present just for me as I drove into work on Christmas Eve, a beautiful sunrise that this picture simply does not do justice to. The frigid morning gave way to hues of pink mirrored on the basin and stretched out across the horizon; truly breathtaking, hence stopping the car to get a shot or two before carrying on with my short commute.

When you can start a day with that kind of beauty you know it's meant to be a good one. So we find ourselves upon another Christmas Merry, my 50th if my math is right; I have a lot to be thankful for at this time of year and I have things that bring sadness too, just to keep life on an even keel I guess. I imagine we all have those conflicting emotions going on and not just at Christmas time, just that with the holidays and the plethora of holiday tunes we seem to be more aware of all emotions, positive and not, a little more. I know I am.

In a couple of days I will mark the three year anniversary of my eye cancer diagnosis. A late Christmas gift you could say. I remember thinking how is eye cancer even a thing and shortly after that thinking shit, now I have to tell my mom about it. Funny what a mind can worry about. But I am alive and kicking quite well thank you. Sadly though, my best friend is gone; losing his battle to the scourge of cancer, passing back in October.

And as if to prove the theory of Even Steven, the night before he passed, leaving the hospital after our visit with him, my wonderful and beautiful Tammy said yes when I asked for her hand in marriage along the shores of Blue Rocks in the fading twilight. It was not how I envisioned asking her but it was perfectly right for me at the moment. I got to spend sometime with Scott that I will treasure to the end of my own days, and as we left him I showed him the ring that I was going to propose with; he smiled with smiling eyes and I knew it was right.

These opposing emotions are what makes life what it is I think. The highs tempered by the lows and the lows softened by the highs and the one constant is our loved ones that we live our lives with.

"We win together, we lose together. We celebrate and we mourn together. 

And defeats are softened and victories sweeter because we did them together"

The West Wing

A year ago I couldn't imagine being where I am now, an almost dream like state where I have found my one and only. A gift for me and I couldn't be more blessed or happy, yet one that I can no longer share with my brother. Thankfully I had Tammy with me on this journey, I couldn't imagine what it would have been like without her there, the grace under that kind of pressure made the journey about the experience and not about the outcome. For that I am truly grateful. In those moments of despair I found nothing but love and compassion. 

The tapestry of my life has been weaved ever more this year, colours and texture added to fill a full life even more. Memories that will live forever and promises of new ones to come. 

For my friends, my family (old and new) and for all - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.