My Motorcycle Diaries

The past week has been a tad difficult for me. I'm not good with the sitting around doing nothing thing for long periods of time, on doctors orders I am basically helping gravity out and holding the couch in place while sousing my eye with a multitude of drops. The surgery seems to have gone well so I guess it's a small price to pay for seeing again....soon.

So, like a shut in I have been visited by friends over the past few days, bearing gifts of wine and beer but most importantly, company. The visits break up the monotony of doing nothing...and on the subject of doing nothing, how can you be exhausted from doing nothing? Weird. But I digress...Scott was one of my visitors and no sooner after he had settled in he started in on me about getting a motorcycle. Yep...I can't see yet from the left and this guy wants me on a bike for a cross country tour.

And you know what? I really want that bike. I've wanted one for years now but for one reason or another life got in the way. Something about the lure of the road, that Easy Rider freedom experience has appealed to me for a long time. I think Scott may be disappointed though, my bike choice, my steed of choice would not be his first choice. He has a Ducati Monster and I'm more along the lines of a classic Norton. While I appreciate the speed factor I'm pretty certain I will be dead if I ride the way Scott rides...I don't want my knee anywhere near the pavement. So while he is waiting at the next stop I'll be motoring along at my leisure. I imagine I'll ride the way I walk....sauntering with a bit of strolling thrown in. It would be an epic time though...so let the planning begin.

My ex and I were coming out of the theatre once after watching the movie One Week. As per usual the "what did you think?" question came out. I loved it, she did not. I loved Cloud Atlas, she thought it sucked. I thought Avatar was garbage and she loved it. Go figure. Anyway, she turned and asked if I'd like to do that kind of solo trip cross country on a bike. Not bothering to stop and think before answering I exclaimed something along the lines of "You fucking better believe I would". Wrong answer. She didn't like that at all. I can't lie though...I didn't care that she didn't like that answer, it was the truth. I would love to do that. That the movie is more relevant to me today than it was eight or nine years ago matters not...the notion of just going is a strong aphrodisiac.

Call it wanderlust, call it what you will, that sort of escapism is about the only thing I day dream of lately. Running off to Greece or Italy for a few months or riding through to Ontario, it's about the experience...not about running away from something or somebody. I have a lot of things to keep in place but a balance needs to be found to ensure that the little child in me gets what he wants. I know my kids will understand if "papa" takes off for a few months and I know that my girlfriend will understand if I take a motorcycle trip with Scott for two weeks. Balance...that's where it's at, both on the bike and in life.

So Scott...yes I will be working towards the bike. Looking forward to the ride my friend.

Ciao
D

He said what?

Hello, my name is Daniel and I'm a recovering Catholic.

It seems I was quite content with moving on with my rants against Drumph and his ilk, making the odd attempt at deep thoughts and reminiscing about the old days. And then the Pope goes and surprises the hell out of me and a lot of other people. To bring you up to speed this is what he said:

“But what is scandal? Scandal is saying one thing and doing another; it is a double life, a double life. A totally double life: ‘I am very Catholic, I always go to Mass, I belong to this association and that one; but my life is not Christian, I don’t pay my workers a just wage, I exploit people, I am dirty in my business, I launder money…’ A double life. And so many Christians are like this, and these people scandalize others. How many times have we heard – all of us, around the neighbourhood and elsewhere – ‘but to be a Catholic like that, it’s better to be an atheist.’ It is that, scandal. You destroy. You beat down. And this happens every day, it’s enough to see the news on TV, or to read the papers. In the papers there are so many scandals, and there is also the great publicity of the scandals. And with the scandals there is destruction.”

That's pretty heady stuff for a Pontiff to say, don't you think? Being an atheist is better than being a hypocritical Catholic. Like holy fuck man...what am I hearing? I know there is context in this quote that needs thinking about, but the message seems pretty clear to me and most other people that would read it. He's addressing the very hypocritical behaviour of far too many in the Catholic world...the religious world really. 

I say it again, this guy is actually impressing me a bit with his stance and his approach. I want to believe him and I would love to see this behemouth of an organization take the steps to bring it into some sort of semblance of sanity. Not because I want to join back up and drink the holy water but because in the absence of eliminating all religion we should have at least one that actually makes sense...one that is all inclusive and its raison d'être is actually one of altruism and compassion. Not much to ask I think.

I wrote a "letter" to Pope Francis last year Dear Pope Francis Today maybe it means a little more in light of his recent declaration.

Once again...God speed Francis

Ciao
D

Adieu Stuart

Time marches on, and another voice is laid silent by the scourge of cancer. Stuart McLean passed away this past week after a fight with melanoma. Platitudes aside, we are the less for it.

A cartoonist had posted his tribute of Stuart and it showed, quite vividly, why he mattered to us...an look inside showed that Stuart McLean had a maple leaf for a heart. I think that pretty much summed him up. A unique talent that held us spell bound with human connections.

Much as Gord Downie last year was celebrated as a Canadian icon telling our stories and being dork like while doing it, Stuart McLean connected us to each other with humour and warmth...and dork like cheese. Hearing his voice gave one an instant case of the warm and fuzzy's...his stories of Dave and Morely and everyone around the Vinyl Cafe are legend. Like the Hip, he held up a mirror to our collective selves and showed us what it was to be Canadian. To once again quote Gord Downie "with my music I will give you the confines of my heart"...yeah, it's a safe bet to say that those words will resonate with me till I die and they certainly do justice for Stuart.

While I have only been paying attention for the past six or seven years I have fallen under his spell many a time. Often stretching a drive to make sure the story was uninterrupted by the mundane everyday. Dave Cooks a Turkey or Sam's First Job...simplistic joy in the telling of our stories. Relatable and almost always poignant Stuart would tug at your heart strings and leave you wanting more. A rare talent. A rare human being.

To see him perform was to see how spoken word should be seen. He combined music, almost always choosing a local act, with his stories and his letters. And he really did perform, in constant motion his hands and arms would conduct his stories the same way Maestro would conduct the orchestra. It was an honour to to have seen him twice. I won't forget.

What he left behind is what we will remember him for. Those tiny perfect tapestries that reminded us of why we should care about our neighbour, why family matters and how the little things are the notes and sounds of our orchestral movement....binding it all together in the warmth of his unique take on the world around us.

"We may not be big but we're small" 

 

Just a little off the top please

Going to Tony's Barber Shop is always an adventure awaiting. You never know what insult will be hurled or what interesting conversation might be had. The very first time I wandered in there I sat listening as "Tony" berated everyone he knew that managed to walk in that morning. This guy for being a Newf and that guy for having thew audacity to wait an extra week in between haircuts. I held the newspaper up to cover my smiling face and silently wished I would be next. Like Norm at the bar in Cheers, I may have found my place that I could finally get a haircut and actually enjoy it again. Sadly time does not always permit the leisure of going to Tony's but I have managed to go there a few times in a row now.

So there I found myself on Friday. Just getting into a "discussion" about the train wreck known as the Drumph presidency when I was called to the comfortable leather clad chair. Warm wood wrapped around the perimeter of the room, old photographs and memorabilia dotted the shelving and of course the scissor waving barbers we're plying their trade. Alas, "Tony" was busy with a young lad and I was seated with a Slavic looking fellow. My suspicion was instantly affirmed when he spoke, certainly from the home country or near by. Turns out he was from Macedonia, and Skopje to be exact. When he found out that my family hailed from the former Yugoslavia I was one of the club...despite my horrible lack of language skills I was as close as he could have that day for a compatriot.

As the snipping and trimming began he made small talk, which as you may know, annoys me a tad. So I leapt in and asked him, with Europe so close, why would he make the journey to Canada instead of say Germany or France or wherever in Europe, surely the opportunities were there as well. I was surprised by the answer, although maybe I shouldn't have been. Racism came the reply. If it wasn't for the fact that he had his clippers on me I would have let my head drop in disgust.What came next was a young mans view of what ails that part of the world.

We've all heard of the backlash against asylum seekers from the Middle East but I found it strange that this would be the case from what would seem naturally allied countries. Why would the German people or the Dutch refuse entry or make it difficult for the Macedonians, Polish, or Albanians to join their society? Resistance to change and scapegoating mask the fact that people just seem incapable of letting go past hatred. Be it based on religion or skin colour, heritage or past slights, perceived or real, isolationism is running rampant and it doesn't look good for the world at large.

Instead of taking a train to any number of countries where he might have even had a support system to fall back on, he ended up on the streets of Toronto sleeping the subway stations for two days until finding refuge. Crazy or what? Somehow he found his way to Halifax and after a three year forced exile from Canada he is now here as a landed immigrant, working his way towards to citizenship. I've said it before, I don't think I could uproot my life in that way in the hope of finding a better future...simply the hope. While his country debates toilets and the sewage system he's here looking for a better way to build a new life. Crazy ass world we live in.

Which brings us to the damn point....I feel like maybe we are starting to forget the past...and I think it will be to all our detriment. Ism's are arising all over the place and it's scary to see the similarities between the orange turd and Hitler... the whole doomed to repeat it thing comes to mind here. I don't think it really matters what the powers to be are using as a wedge these days, religion is an obvious choice as is skin colour, what is important is the fact that it's happening in greater numbers and one gets the feeling that the forces of darkness are playing a new kind of game. Or maybe an old game brought back and shined up for the new era. Fake media, enemies of the state, dissent is shouted down...historians will tell you this isn't new. And it should scare the bejesus out of us all.

I don't know what else to say other than keep resisting....look for truth, don't follow the herd and think above all else. Those fuckers can't succeed without tacit approval, in the form of a deafening silence, coming from the majority. And they are fuckers...every throat punch worthy ass hat and douche bag that seeks their own well being while stepping on others.

A simple haircut eh? And I'm not sure if I liked the cut either.

Ciao

P.S.

I go in for eye surgery on Tuesday....where I will literally be subjected to having a needle stuck in my eye while I am awake. I warned the doctor he might get kicked.

My Devils

Grabbing the table with both hands, I squeezed as hard as I could to keep myself from shaking. Instead, my anger simply made the table wish it wasn't a table in front of me. I was furious and beyond the pale with pure rage. No good...the kid is going through that wall over yonder and damn the consequences. And he would have had it not been for another student seeing the look on my face, somehow recognizing it for what it really was and stepping in front of me long enough to diffuse. So instead the student went to the office....not to be seen for two weeks. True story.

That was a long time ago, nearly a lifetime really. It was also the moment when I realized that I needed a new direction or a new place to live or a good dose of yoga to calm me the fuck down. Within six months I had moved to Halifax with my new bride and started on a new adventure. That was one way of dealing with what had been causing my anger to percolate...it made sense back then but probably it isn't always possible to deal with something by running half away across the country. Perhaps delving into the anger and what was causing it would have been a better response. Maybe not. Who knows and who cares really?

What I do know is that I don't get angry like that anymore. Much. I won't lie to you and say I don't get frustrated or angry with the swirling mass of whatever in my world, that's simply not realistic, but I do like that my perspective is more along the lines of don't sweat the small things and sunny days ahead as opposed to literally throat punching someone. My devils are somewhat under control.

Going back to the idea of life as a tapestry, those stray pieces of string that may be uncomfortable can sometimes lead to those things about you that you may wish didn't exist. I have a few of those,,,traits that I think we probably all have to one degree or another, that are uncomfortable to think of. Unappealing quirks or mannerisms, ways of thinking or feeling that are a shade to dark for comfort. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

For me, that anger response is probably one of my most uncomfortable devils of my own. You really don't want to see me angry...as Bruce Banner used to say. It's not pretty and can be downright scary. Having said that the last time that bastard showed up was seven or eight years ago at work...cleared a whole room full of cooks and servers in the middle of serving three weddings. Stop poking that bear would ya.

So what has changed? Extracting myself from an uneasy and unhappy marriage would be the most obvious answer. Perspective changed when I made that decision to leave. Those were the hardest steps I have ever taken but despite it all they were the right steps to take. No doubt and no regret. We weren't happy and we were both at fault. Changing the equation made all the difference in the world and now I'm writing about it all here....lucky you eh?

There are others of course...but I think coming to terms with them and understanding that they are a part of you as opposed to the whole of you is a good place to start in mitigating their influence. Age plays a factor here as well, the perspective that experience and time bring are invaluable and in the end are really where wisdom comes from. Dealing with my devils as opposed to ignoring them has led to a greater awareness of how limiting they are....how destructive they are. So, fuck off you devils.

But wait, let us not cast them off so quickly because as we know, that whole tapestry thing here, it's a part of you. Maybe that anger fuels something else or is part of an equation that feeds your passion. Well, yeah...that makes total sense now that you put it that way. The devil does some good after all. I like that...the complex combination of what makes a person tick one way and someone else another is fascinating. Spend a few hours riding the subways to see how those differences manifest themselves in people....simply amazing really. Even with a superficial look, we can see so much when we pen our minds to people and their differences.

Runnin' with the devil

Ciao
D

Please sir, I want some more

I came across a blog post by Mark Manson today that piqued my curiosity. Titled "The Disease of More" it was a good quick read talking about how people are always looking for more in their life, thinking that happiness was just around the corner. If they got that next promotion, jumped a pay level or found a better looking mate they would finally be able to answer that ageless question, on a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you?, with a resounding 10.

Rightly, I think, he points out that you probably won't change your tune regardless of what next level you reach. The thinking is, and it is backed up by some research, that most people fall into a range of six or seven on that scale. There are highs and lows to be sure, but after the euphoria wears off, you slip back to number seven. I can see that, it makes sense since most of us know, or should know, that money really isn't going to buy happiness. Neither will the faster car...but an Aston Martin Vanquish would be a sweet ride I think. I am as guilty as anyone thinking that winning the lottery will make everything easier and thus more enjoyable, I feel that way not because I will be happier with a bigger TV or faster car, but because since I am already happy I can now do other things that I know will continue to make me happy. Throw off the yoke of having to work and do things that I want to...be it travelling, learning or helping people out in some way.

He goes on to talk about how as we age we really aren't looking for advancement and constant growth as much as trading off one thing for another. For example, if I decided that I wanted to be a trapeze artist instead of a chef, I'm not advancing myself as much as I am trading one career for another. I'm not sure I totally agree with that though, I think maybe Mr Manson is a tad young...lacking the perspective that can only come with age. No disrespect, as I do like his writing and his approach, but at 32 I have clothes that are older than he, so it stands to reason he may think other things in the years to come.

I like to think that my choices now are about growth, but not necessarily about advancement in the traditional sense. I've grown in the past few years in ways I didn't think were in me. My go fuck yourself attitude, while still very much a part of me, has led me to a better understanding and acceptance of differing points of view. I have opened up to new possibilities and become even more pluralistic. Call it wisdom, call it what you will, but as the clock ticks towards the big 50 next year I feel like I have a better grasp on life in general...I feel a foot smarter.

I think it's good to want that kind of more. Personal growth I don't think can be considered the disease of more, it's not the same as wanting a bigger house or faster wife, I mean car. Certainly he is right in saying that we need to learn to appreciate the here and now...allowing ourselves to actually enjoy what we have as opposed to chasing the next thing, but don't dismiss the desire to move forward. Whatever it is that you are looking for, if you still haven't found what you are looking for, shouldn't be viewed as an impediment to betterment. As long as you're not a douche bag I say go right ahead. The right "more" is the key here.

Ciao
D

One Word

I've recently taken to Facebook to express my feelings towards Drumph and his self serving and under qualified bunch of heathens...also known as his administration. Generally one word, just to express my general thought of him and what he does...I type idiot and walk away. For better or worse this mental midget, that carries the title of POTUS gets his feelings hurt often and takes to Twitter and Facebook to express himself. Calling legit news orgnaizations like CNN and the NY Times "fake news" and bitching because some department store won't carry his daughters line of clothing. Yep. Almost hard to believe.

I don't expect anything from my little posting other than to make myself laugh and help to keep up the resistance. This blog serves the same purpose but is infinitely more pleasurable to me. Although I think my year would be made if I got under Drumphs skin in some way, but I suppose he is busy sitting on Uncle Bannon's knee. Every once in awhile a fire and brimstone conservative will tell me to mind my own business or question my parents sanity for having me...but generally this little troll is left alone.

So why do it? I told you, for my own amusement. But also as a safety valve kind of thing. Typing that one little word releases a bit of tension caused by this insipid buffoon. As bad as I thought it would be when he won I feel it's going to get much worse, so instead of trying to get my ass down to Washington to throat punch him I'll have to settle for this minor protest in the social media world.

I read these two op-ed pieces the other day:

David Frum and Ezra Klein

Respected thinkers and writers from opposite ends of the political spectrum. Frum, who is Canadian and used to work in the junior Bush White House, is a neo con that coined the phrase, axis of evil. So a bleeding heart liberal he is not. And Ezra, well, what can one say about Ezra....I may have an article or two of clothing older than this guy, he's a left leaning wunderkind. Both of them paint a rather scary picture of the possible future with the orange turd at the helm, Mr Klein writing his column in response to Mr Frum's mini tome. I want to agree more with Ezra on this because I do have a hope that at some point in the near future a few Republicans will pull their heads out their asses long enough to see the folly in following Trump. But as you all know I am a cock eyed optimist with a healthy streak of naivete running through me. The other option is just down right scary and doesn't even touch on nuclear weapons being discharged. 

So typing idiot on his feed isn't really a proper response to this bag of pus. But I can't do what is required to ensure that the moron Republicans that support him are taken out of the game. The moron Democrats have to do that. You see, I'm not an American citizen, so I can comment only. Maybe a throat punch can be applied as well but it's the Dems that have to actually get busy and do the grassroots thing. Like the Tea Party before them they need to get down and dirty and take back control of city councils, state houses and congressional districts. It's fine and well to have lofty goals and speak of hope and inclusion, but you need to be able to deliver on all fronts to truly get back to a government of the people by the people.

The Tea Baggers, Christian conservatives and anyone that believes in alternative facts and creationism being taught alongside the theory of evolution are turning a blind eye to the blatant and effective way that Trump is setting himself up to line his pockets some more. The gaslighting has reached the oval office and the prospects of anarchy are very real indeed. People truly believe that Jesus is working through Drumph....what the fuck? I mean really, what the fuck?

Billionaire bankers taking a pay cut to serve the people? Right? An education secretary that has a vested interest in charter schools....meaning for profit education. This isn't going to end well so it needs to end quickly, which means that enough Republicans need to come over to the less evil side and impeach this fuck wad. It's the only way. I think Pence is a horror story in waiting if he becomes president but at least he can be counted on to be predictable. And he would be on the shortest of leashes when it comes implementing crazy ass bans on Muslims, building walls and harpooning the judiciary. Between that outrageous turn of events and the alternative facts (i.e. bald faced fucking lies) proclamations we are in danger of seeing the remaining vestiges of freedom and democracy be washed away.

Let us all hope that the Dems do what they need to do and enough good people who actually want to serve the public, as opposed to get their share of the pie, join them for the betterment of the republic. I will continue my one man Idiot chant.

Ciao

D

Kavorka and Things Unseen

A thousand years ago a bunch of us were sitting around a patio table enjoying a few drinks at somebody's house. Peter, Caesar, Wendy, another girl I don't remember, Debbie (my ex's cousin) my ex and myself. After a few drinks Caesar decides to play a little game that I'm sure he pulled out of Cosmo. I ended up getting myself into trouble because of my filter issues with this little exercise. No real surprise I guess.

We were asked to assign a person to the colours that Caesar was about to read off. For example, when I think of green I think of Peter...and so on. No real thought to this, just react...word association using colours and real live humans. The data was collected, studied and ready for dissemination and analysis.

I don't recall what the other colours meant or who was chosen but when it came to the colour red, which according to Caesar was supposed to signify who you wanted to have sex with, I was the overwhelming choice of all the women (save for my ex...go figure). 75% of the women at the table wanted to have sex with me....touchdown!!! Unfortunately that is exactly what I did, I threw my hands up in the universal signal for a touchdown. The ex was not amused. Everyone else was, but not so much her. In the interest of fairness, I didn't pick her either...a harbinger maybe?

No, I chose Wendy. Why? The allure...that indescribable pull to one person over another. She reminded me a little of Alanah Myles, long black wavy curls, smouldering eyes and bit of the devil in her. To me, she was stunning. But beauty wasn't even her biggest drawing card, she was intelligent. A big beautiful brain to go along with those looks...perhaps the ex could see I was smitten so when I threw my hands up in mocking celebration it was simply the nail in the coffin. I know it's July but someone turn the heat up, this patio got cold all of a sudden.

Wendy had the Kavorka...the female version of it at least. That mythical Latvian word for the lure of the animal. The desire to posses and be possessed, that one person you can't resist. True? I think maybe there is something to it to be honest. In my four years of single life I have heard and seen some crazy shit in the dating world. It's going to be a book...at least I keep saying it will be.

What attracts you to someone? A warm smile, kind eyes, hair just so? Sure, that all matters but for me it has to be more. Be genuine and authentic. Be real. Be warm and funny. Be engaging. Be intelligent. Be yourself. It's never one thing of course, the whole swirling mass of what it is to be you forms into a desirable, attractive, alluring person. It seems easy to list but hard to define...and to that end it becomes hard, some say impossible, to get to the real reason of why it works with one person and not another.

Having said that, I also believe the following to be true....we are our own worst enemies when it comes to finding a happy and healthy relationship. We overthink, a lot. I mean really a lot. We look for the easiest path and a lot of times we aren't willing to put in the hard work. You know what? It's OK that it can be hard...I think it should be a little hard. And I also know that we have to let go of fear. Holding back, even a little means you're not allowing yourself to get kicked in the stomach. Be all in. And that doesn't mean proposing on the second date...it means taking down barriers to potential. We all have deal breakers to be certain, but we do need to be careful of having too many of them. We end up spending our time ticking off boxes instead of investing in the other person and the "us". All this from the divorced guy...I know, ironic.

So my lesson for today all you daters in the digital world....well, get out of your own way of course. Sure, be careful and be wary but don't let fear hold you back. You literally have no idea what could walk in the door the next time you sit down to have a drinky poo with a POF date. It could be the love of your life sitting across from you and you're going to focus on her hair? Do yourself a favour and don't.

Live without fear

Love without regret