365 Days

When I first sat down a few days ago to reflect on the one year anniversary of my treatment I found myself a little lost at what to say. I managed the title and that was pretty much it. Here I am five days later and not entirely sure of what to say but I know I want to say something.

In these past few days I have also been searching for a possible theme to my decision on the tattoo I want to get. The artist I talked to suggested I think of what the words I wanted to put on my arm meant to me and perhaps a symbol or picture would form to represent the words as opposed to the actual words themselves. A tall order since I have very little in the way of artistic ability...I may very well be too literal for the abstract world of imagery. Who knows?

This sort of restless barrier to my thoughts was driving me slightly batty so I threw it out to some friends with what I would consider an artistic flair and whose opinions I like to hear for their thoughts on what my lyric choice might symbolize to them...see if anything struck a chord with me. With some nice ideas to ponder I came to the realization that this wasn't going to work for me. The words mattered...and you're sitting there reading this thinking, no shit Sherlock. Any of the multitude of quotes I have leaned on meant something because they were words, not pictographs representing the sentiment. Back to the fucking drawing board for me.

A day later it hit me. And soon you will be able to see what I was thinking....I'll save that for later though, the big reveal so to speak. But clearing my head of that obstacle seems to have cleared it up for what I wanted to say on 365 days, well..now 370 days.

The fact that I am alive today is, probably, the most important part of my reflection. Because my sister badgered me and the health care system responded to the dreaded "C" word (FUCK CANCER) I sit here doing what I am doing. But there is so much more. I am truly humbled by everything that has transpired over the past year and to be quite honest, I'm kind of choked up by it as I type...so pardon the tear stains on your screen.

As shock and fear gave way to uncertainty and finally resolution I was moved by the support from family and friends. I wasn't doing this alone, I had a few people in my corner and that made all the difference in the world to me. I discovered things about myself that I don't think I could have if not through this sort of shared experience. From my family and their unwavering love to my friends, both close and casual...I was showered with positive love and support. I can't thank you enough...ever. I don't think I ever gave into the woe is me routine because it's not in my nature first, and second...I had it easy comparatively speaking. Despite the rarity of this little bugger my prognosis was good, once again...thanks Natalie...you saved my life. But sadly I have come to know all too well the scourge of this pain through others suffering. It sucks. Sucks ass bags really.

One of my responses to this turn of events is this blog. A sort of fist shaking exercise that has turned into so much more for me. I feel like I am on the road to finding my voice. And the platform has allowed me to articulate my thoughts and opinions giving me an outlet to express and share my thoughts with...well, with you. Be it a somewhat funny story from my youth or a reflection on The Hip's last show or a rant on Drumph, I have found a place to say those things out loud. No fear, no filters. Wise or not, this has been a pretty honest refection for me over the past year.

The roller coaster ride we know as life has no destination set in stone, that feather dancing on the wind can land anywhere, how we react to it and how we take the next step is all we really have to be measured by when it comes down to it. I for one am content knowing that I am having a good time being myself, learning new things all the time, laughing everyday and loving life as best I can. While I didn't learn to do this in the past year, it certainly has become more apparent and important in that time. And I suspect will continue to be a large part of my life going forward.

The tumult of the year has brought much to think and care about. Brains have been stretched, heart strings have been pulled and eyes have been opened. I have no idea what this year will bring but I am comforted in the knowledge that whatever it is it will be fine. I have you and that's a very good thing.

Much love my friends
D