Field of Dreams

I was chopping onions the other day while watching the movie Field of Dreams and I'm not sure why but I shed a few tears and almost had my version of an ugly cry...damn onions! They sometimes make an appearance when I don't even see them lying about, much less when I'm honing my knife skills...but again, the tears show up. It can only be the onions right?

Yeah, yeah...big sap I know. What I found intriguing this time around was that I've seen this movie before and I don't recall shedding a tear ever, so why now? Did my kids actually hide onions under the couch? Did I suddenly form an allergic reaction to my cat Boots? Why this movie and why now, stranger still that I had come in part way through the movie and was preoccupied with other distractions.

And this just as I was heading out to have dinner with a friend. Why I kept thinking as I drove? I don't know if I actually know the answer but if I was to guess it was related to the poignancy of the regret that Ray felt about his dad John. Or maybe it was James Earl Jones voice...what the fuck? The running theme through the movie was the "pureness" of the game of baseball, playing for the love of the game, Ray Liotta, miscast as an almost evil Shoeless Joe Jackson, claimed he would play for nothing...let the feel of the grass and the scent of his leather glove be his reward. Seriously, I can't look at Ray Liotta with out having images of Goodfella's show up in my mind, so having him play a baseball legend with dreams of wide open fields and the simplicity of bat and ball, well...it just don't work I say.

But I digress. Ray hears voices and suddenly he's building a baseball diamond in a corn field. He hears more voices and he's driving across country in a Westphalia hoping to figure it all out. He comes back to his dad often and one line stands out for me. Doc Graham essentially speaking of the "what ifs" and relating how he gave up on baseball to become a doctor..

"You know we just don't recognize the most significant moments of our lives while they're happening. Back then I thought, well, there'll be other days. I didn't realize that that was the only day."

Not regret but a case of the "what ifs" This swirling mass we call our lives seems to always be in a constant push and pull against forces seen and unseen that look for order and uniformity where there is often just the opposite, chaos and uniqueness. Why do some amongst us feel nothing but regret and others not an ounce of it? Why is happiness so elusive for some and others seem to be happier than you would think possible? Is it perspective? Wisdom? Experience? Yes...and other reasons as well. This leads me to what I think this movie is about really, closure.

Ray needed closure on his broken relationship with his dad. The baseball players needed closure with the game of baseball. Terry needed closure with his past. Actually, the past is what this is all about, be it coming to terms and acceptance with an event, a person, a crisis. Whatever it is, not letting it rule your tomorrow. I used to think of closure as a sort of forgive and forget kind of thing so I wondered if I ever did have closure on some of the major events in my life if I hadn't done the forgetting part after the forgiving part. I think differently now and I do believe that perspective is what I was missing. I will probably never forget certain people that have hurt me in my life, whether purposefully or not, it's the nature of us as humans I think. It does not, however, mean that I haven't moved on...if that's closure than I'm OK with it. I've made my peace with the past and spend little time worrying about that distant slight.

The image of Ray standing in the midst of the corn could be a metaphor for us. Standing amongst the memories of our lives, each stalk representing a time, place or person that has...here it is again, been woven into our tapestry. Like Moonlight Graham said, we don't often recognize those significant moments as they are happening. Often it comes as an "oh...right" kind of realization that there was something else entirely significant to the time you held hands with Jenny and she gave you her number, 867-5309.

Ain't life grand? I sure think so my friends.

Ciao
D