Of all the gin joints...

Buried deep on one of my Spotify playlists is the Tom Waits classic "I Hope I Don't Fall in Love With You". If you're unfamiliar with it go listen to it a few hundred times before proceeding. Go ahead, I'll wait.

Now, for the rest of us...what does that song mean to you? Love lost? Love found? Not sure? What the fuck are you talking about? The gravel like voice of good ole Tom over a simply strumming guitar. Heart laid open for all to see...you can almost see his puppy dog eyes. For me....well, it's complicated.

Taken personally, I can apply this to women I have known over the years. In a literal way I can connect this song through it's lyrics to a few people and for better or worse this song strikes a chord when thinking about a time in my past. Once again...music doing what it does best.

"Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you

'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,

Well the music plays and you display

Your heart for me to see,

I had a beer and now I hear you

Calling out for me

And I hope that I don't fall in love with you."

Mostly it's about fear I think. Fear of exposure, of hurt, of letting go and of falling in love. I've said this before and I truly believe this, you have to be willing to get kicked in the teeth to find true love. As Epictetus said "If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid." To me it's not caring a wit about what anyone thinks about you and deciding to live life on your terms...and if declaring your love for someone results in humiliation and failure, you have let it all hang out for the world to see. That is living. That can also be pretty terrifying for some. Lay your heart and soul bare for all to see? Hmmmmmmm

If you subscribe to the belief in the idea of "no fate but what you make" then the above matters a great deal. To find your true love you have to decide to find her or him or it. It's your imperative to let yourself go and open up the door to the possibility. In essence you are setting yourself up for that epic kick to the mouth.

If you believe that you are simply reacting to what fate presents to you then you're either going to get kicked in the mouth or you will not. In the end though what does it matter, you're still the one that has to be willing to get kicked. And I mean really willing....no lip service here pals.

Doors open and close throughout our lives and no one, not one of us can say with any certainty what will be coming our way...who will walk into our joint and change our lives forever? While the end goal is important, how we get there is just as vital for me. I for one am eyes wide open to any possibility and I refuse to build walls to protect myself or limit myself. When I hit that wall you will see a hole in the shape of me in the aftermath. No fear.

"Now it's closing time, the music's fading out

Last call for drinks, I'll have another stout.

Well I turn around to look at you,

You're nowhere to be found,

I search the place for your lost face,

Guess I'll have another round

And I think that I just fell in love with you."

Repeat often....no fear.

Ciao

D