The world of online dating, or even dating in general, in your 40's can, at best, be described as simply crazy, at worse...THUNDERDOME!!! The running joke for someone considering getting divorced is to let them hang out on POF or Tinder for a week and that would scare them straight. Of course that's not true for all and it leaves out the context surrounding said decision. But there is something to be said for the general sense of dread when jumping into that pond...it can be ugly.
Having said that I stand before you as proof positive that it can and does actually work. I met my one and only and I know others that have as well. I am happy to leave that world behind of course but I have to be honest, I am thankful I had my time there. The experiences I had and the people I met have led me to where I am today, I always knew I would meet her and fall madly in love, it just simply took time to get there. And so it can for everyone.
For certain I feel blessed to be 50, alive and happy at the same time. I know it's not the same for everyone as we all have shit to deal with. The severity of it all depends on circumstances and perspective, fortunately at the moment both of these are positive for me, so I'll take that scenario any day and twice on Sundays.
So what's my point? How to avoid mid-life crisis? Dating advice? Relationship classes? Laughable as they all are and fodder for all sorts of nonsense, I think my point is perspective itself. Our lives are coloured by all manner of flotsam and jetsam that we pass through. Good times, bad times and everything in between; going from diapers to prom dresses in the snap of a finger and than you have to grow up and be adulty. WTF is that all about? And now after 30 plus years of that you've got the last half of your life to live. You've won some, lost some and yet there is more to come. How we view all that has happened and look at what will happen is what, in the end, we will be most influenced by. Choose wisely I say.
Be it dating or work or any number of life experiences, how we go into the thing matters. Despite the nature of online dating I looked at it as a way to say hello without having to walk up to someone in the flesh. And when we did meet I genuinely walked in thinking, OK, maybe this will be the last time I have to do this. She could be the one. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of these encounters were positive and from them I have gained friendship and treasured experiences...see, perspective matters. If you go in negative or resigned to a position of barely veiled apathy, chances are you won't find a good result.
One of the oldest living things on earth is a tree named Methuselah in California. A Bristlecone Pine high up in the mountains past Death Valley. Maybe not the most inhospitable place on earth but certainly up there, and yet there stands a tree older than the pyramids...just living out life. That tree could provide perspective for us all. Weathering time and the elements this tree stands as a testament to resilience. Given the time to feel the passage of ages one would, hopefully, be in awe of the tree simply being. Bravo tree. Only God knows if the tree has already passed midlife crisis time or is simply getting warmed up. Given the choice, I would choose the latter as my prism to look to the future with.
So what does it take? My answer would be nothing more than being vulnerable and not afraid. Simple right? The thing is, you got to find that within you and in your own way. My rose coloured glasses fit me and me only...you could rub my arm for some of it but that might get weird so best not to. Know this, not stepping out guarantees more of whatever the same might be for you.
Ciao
D
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