Everyday Hero

Stan Lee, iconic Marvel Comics legend and cameo master, died the other day. At 95 years old the man has been a fixture in the superhero/entertainment world for many decades. The creator of Spider-man (my favourite superhero), The Hulk, The Avengers and so many more; the world is a tad sadder today with the passing of this unique and prolific talent.

In the aftermath of his death tributes poured in and people scrambled to put together thoughts on how Mr Lee had helped shape a small part of the world for the better. Now, I'm no comic book nerd and I couldn't tell you who most of the superheroes are out there but I did hear a great interview with a free lance artist that does some work for Marvel; he threw some illumination on it all and why some people are comic book freaks, in particular why Marvel is better than DC.

This fellow spoke of the way Marvels superheroes reflect true humanity. These heroes, as he put it, are "us', they have doubts, they have flaws, they fight against their supposed calling, they are messy and they are complicated. In simplest form, they are not nearly perfect like some of the heroes from D.C Comics. Look at Superman and Wonder Woman, "just doing my job mam" kind of responses to just having saved a plane load of children when you know that Spider-man would have a quip or two to share with the world.

This got me to thinking of perfection, or the search for it at least. Young girls are inundated with images of what the world thinks they should look like, scrolling through Instagram and Facebook posts that belie the truth that it's OK to not be all the same, that you don't have to look like that model over there and that yes you are beautiful just as you are. The fallacy of this kind of search for perfection is that it is not real, people are trying to measure up to a Superman or a Wonder Woman when they should find happiness in being Spider-man. Be weird, be strange - be yourself. But maybe don't be Hulk so much.

The forces that shaped Spider-man, Thor et al, are as complex as the heroes themselves. Peter Parker turned away from helping someone out and his uncle got whacked. Thor learned what the true meaning of hubris was for his douche canoe actions. Hulk, well Hulk is green and full of rage - unbridled rage that causes great destruction and provides a cautionary tale on the folly of losing self control, spectacularly so.

The desire for perfection cuts both ways, whether we strive for it in our selves or we look for it in others really only serves to feed a beast that is probably insatiable. I think it plays a large part in why happiness is sometimes hard to come by, we're too busy looking for a version of something that probably doesn't exist. Crazy world eh?

In an interview with a magazine writer, Stan the Man gave an eloquent response to the writers question on his own sons super power dreams:

My 8-year-old son Immanuel profoundly wrote his super power would be the ability to touch someone's heart and turn evil and hate into love.

His superhero creation was Love-Man.

Given the opportunity to ask the chief creative force behind the rise of Marvel Comics, Stan Lee, his thoughts on my son's super power, the spritely 94-year-old beamed.

"If somebody could make love instead of hate throughout the world then I would say he would be the greatest super hero of all," said Lee. "So encourage your son."

Maybe Stan was a superhero in disguise as a mild mannered man about town.

R.I.P Stan Lee

Ciao
D

Where Do We Go From Here?

The wind is bitter and reminds us of the coming season. Winter is near. Accompanying the ridiculous daylight savings ritual is the knowledge that soon we will be faced with drivers that forgot that snow and ice come just about every year around this time, stores already full of the coming festive spending spree promising the latest must haves and can't live with outs. In short time we will bear witness to shoppers losing their shit over the latest deals on TV's and spending way too much money on "stuff."

This year, maybe more so than the last few years, I find myself resisting the idea that happiness is a short trip to the mall away. Not that I haven't always been a tad hateful of the mall and all it represents and I know without equivocation that happiness comes from within; rather, I think this year, after the roller coaster ride life has taken me on the last month or so I feel like I don't even want to hear about Alexa and her minions.

If you have been following over the past three years or so you will know I am about doing stuff as opposed to owning stuff, this is not new territory for me. What is new is where I am. Last month I got engaged and my best friend died the next day. Both were expected, both were emotional and both will have a lasting impact on my life. This past weekend a friend I had watched with pleasure and awe grow up got married and my oldest daughter had an engagement party to celebrate a future walk down the aisle. Everyday there is something uplifting and life affirming; and often there is something to remind us that hope is the one thing keeping us afloat some days.

The appeal of hope is what brought Barrack Obama to the presidency and 8 years later we were rudely reminded what fear and everything that can derive from it can do. But hope is still there. It springs forth eternally it would seem from the very bosom of our collective lives. We had it 100 years ago as The Great War ended and we have it now. And thank God we do. There is darkness in the world, we all know that as we weaponize everything from the bible to our own words. We drive wedges between everything and seemingly standing on someone else's throat is the best way to make us feel we have a chance at grasping whatever wish we may have for ourselves.

Of course that is not the case for us all. In fact I would argue that there is more good than not out in the great wide open world. And that is where hope and love come into the equation. Allowing for "love opening the door" leads us, I think, to a better place to be and one I will always try to stay in. And in times of doubt and fear, when the best course of action seems to be hiding from it all remember this - the sun comes up again tomorrow:

"You push everyone away

But you don't want to be alone

You still don't know what you want

But you have to let that go

And trust that the sun will rise

In the morning"

The Trews

So, while it seems it might just be us now, it doesn't have to be that way. On the "other side of fear" is hope and love. While my best friend has departed, his memory will not, and I know him well enough to know that he would haunt me in the worst possible way if I didn't keep moving forward and living life out loud and large.

I hope you join me.

Ciao
D

Photo courtesy of my good friend Margo

A Thousand Points of Light

Last night I watched with interest the Munk Debates featuring Steve Bannon and David Frum arguing the future of populism; a lively and somewhat passionate exchange of two conservative figures in the world of politics and all things right leaning. I say somewhat passionate because I didn't see the kind of fire that comes from liberals when they rail against the latest injustice, real or not, inflicted upon the world. I suspect that is for two reasons a) David Frum is polished and in control, he's not likely to lose his cool in any situation and b) Steve Bannon on the other hand looked like he has been working on keeping his frothing at the mouth in check. He has learned that there is a time and place for his particular brand of rhetoric. Last night was not his time to spew vileness but use carefully chosen catch phrases to help don the cape of acceptability. Watch it for yourself to decide what makes more sense to you.

Unsurprisingly I began watching with my "lefty liberal" mind pre-disposed to throw bricks at Bannon. He is, after all, one of the brains behind the rise of a populist movement that espouses the politics of division, of hate and of fear. To my mind there is no debating that fact, no matter how many times he says Drumph loves everyone. But I watched with an open mind none the less, because I believe in allowing everyone a voice and I wasn't for the notion of cancelling the debate because Bannon is a racist homophobic douche. If you subscribe to the notion that only light can drive out the darkness than you must allow for a voice to be heard from the "other" side; slamming the door on them only breeds more discontent, and we certainly have too much of that already.

So, what did I think? Frum did a good job of painting a picture that acknowledges that yes, we have problems that need to be fixed. Very gracious of him considering he was part of the machinery that threw the world into chaos as a member of the Bush administration. He coined the phrase axis of evil for good ole "W"; think on that for a moment or two. Frum is right wing to the core and he even acknowledges that he was an odd choice arguing for the liberals. But he did address that in such a way that I was impressed with his tight rope walking act. He is not a fool, I may not agree with his politics but I do respect his intelligence and reason.

Further more, Frum, a Canadian by the way, used as his main rebuttal of Bannon the fact that he does agree with Bannon on the fact that there are  problems that need to be solved. Too many people are left behind as the gap between the have nots and the haves grows almost exponentially. In the middle there is a wide gap of discontent and fear. Frum contends that using the divisions that are espoused by Drumph and his enablers is only creating a world of us against everyone else. It's not your fault, it's not my fault - it's their fault! Jews, Mexicans, Muslims, Canadians...it doesn't matter.

And of course this gap is where the fascists like Bannon jump head long into. You "deplorables" need to tear down the system and get rid of the "elites". Yeah, how far away are we from concentration camps at this rate - oh wait, we're already there aren't we? Bannon spoke well and addressed his concerns and how he sees the world shaping in the future. Problem is, that for his brand of politics to work someone has to be blamed.

Wedge issues like abortion and health care; the economy of the everyday man and woman that doesn't give a crap about the stock market because they are too busy working three jobs to make ends meet. These are fertile grounds for both sides to stake ground in. How each side portrays this battleground and what they put forward for answers is the difference. Drumph and allies are calling the migrant caravan an invasion and responding with troops massing on the border. Democrats and actual honest to God Republicans (all three of them) are, for the most part, looking to address the issue of border hopping "illegals" in a fair and compassionate way. Same issue, different response. You decide for yourself.

It's easy to be against something; people protested last night because they were against allowing Bannon on the stage. Tiki carrying white nationalists are against tearing down statues honouring Confederate generals that fought for slavery, but really they are just scared and hateful of blacks. It's a lot harder to reach across the table and try and work out the differences that drive us apart. You can respond with hate or you can do the hard work that brings about real change. Do the hard work and do it everyday.

At Scott's funeral I met his namesake and his "brother from another mother", a lovely man named Robert Steele. He was the guy that Scott was talking about near the end because he was doing things to address injustice. When we met at the funeral we did what brothers do when we need each other - we hugged each other tight and shed a tear or two for our dearly departed best friend. And this is just part of his story CBC This is the little guy trying to right a wrong in a world that tells him to sit down. Here in Canada we think it's an American problem, it is not. It's everywhere and so it is everyone's problem.

Hide behind a cause if you will but most of us can see right through your vitriol and hate. Bannon, you spoke well but your message, your views and your actions cannot be ignored. I am confident that the thousand points of light that are the rest of us will slowly but surely bring us back.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. 

Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

Martin Luther King

Rest Easy Brother - See You on the Other Side

Do you know what crowbar funny is? This was, of course, indicative of how Scott would start many conversations. A question or a statement that would get you to wondering what he was about to unload on you. I didn't know what crowbar funny was but I knew it would be good.

So he goes on. We're camping with the kids in SplitPea, SplitPea being their lime green Westphalia still parked in the drive way up the road a bit. Fiona and Sarah have just gotten into the van and the boys and Scott are still outside. Looking over at Simon and Courtney, he says watch this, this is crowbar funny. He grabs a June bug, which both Fiona and Sarah are scared to death of, whipped open the door to the van, threw it in and slammed the door shut and sat back down to watch the show. Illuminated from inside it was hilarious to watch nothing for a moment and than to see their silhouettes lose it - bouncing around the inside of the camper with arms flailing. Crowbar Funny is doing something knowing full well you stood the chance of getting whacked with a crowbar by the small but mighty Fiona.

That was essential Scott - anything for a laugh. It didn't matter if you or anyone else found it funny, he did, and that was the point. Thankfully for all of us, he was almost always funny. That wry smile and raised eyebrow were his calling card. That's all anyone ever needed, that's all he ever needed and to quote his spirit animal, George Carlin -

"People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point" 

I'm certain there are more stories than we can count among us all - they will be shared over the days, months and years to come as we both mourn the loss of and celebrate the life of a father, a husband, a brother, and a friend. Scott touched many people in his life. Proof of that is here in front of me and proof of that was witnessed at his fun-er-all back in April after we learned of the sad and tragic news that his days were numbered. It was an outpouring of love and support for him and his loving family.

My father had a saying when I was younger - "how many languages a man knows that is how many men he is" Easy for him to say as he speaks 4 or 5 of them and I can barely speak English. But I digress - Scott too seemed to live many lives as well and his rich life provided him with a way of putting life in perspective that was unique and beautiful. He would hold up a mirror to the world around him and help make sense of it all.

He created elaborate practical jokes. Some of which I was on the receiving end of. He was a speed demon at heart - if not throwing himself from perfectly good airplanes he was motoring down windy side roads on his Ducati monster. And try beating him at trivial pursuit - I'm sorry, the answer is Moops, him with his cursed eidetic memory.

A lover of Iggy Pop and the Stooges, Bowie and Motorhead, of all things. He loved Top Gear and Formula One racing but he truly lived for gatherings that included his family and good friends usually around a shared meal. In fact, our friendship began with food and it was the underlying current for many of our experiences. Mopping up sauce from the pan of Osso Bucco or delighting in all things sushi. He and I shared a wonderful meal back in the spring where we both managed to fulfill a little dream of ours. To sit down at a great sushi place and leave ourselves in the hands of the master chef. We are yours sir, do as you wish. It was glorious and a night that I will remember to the end of my days.

In his own way he lived life out loud. Unfortunately life sometimes wasn't loud enough. As you may know Scott used hearing aids and I think maybe sometimes he needed to check the batteries more than he did. My boy and his were playing together at his house one day. Scott was busy doing the dishes and maybe he forgot that when young boys are silent, often there is trouble being brewed. So when the first dark object flew by the window he wasn't sure what to make of it. The second and third got his attention though. One could imagine his face as he bolted upstairs to see what was going on and lo and behold the mystery was solved, you see; the boys were on the little roof over the garage flinging shingles off of it. This happened to dovetail nicely with the story of the two boys that liked to open up the little spigots on the cast iron radiators upstairs, the damage noticed only when water was seen dripping from the ceiling. Secretly I was happy they were playing at Scott’s place and not mine. Despite the damage done he responded with grace and understanding, I on the other hand ended up on that roof with a rough patch job to hold the rain at bay.

While Scott was fun loving he was also fierce A fierce friend and a fierce enemy of injustice, in all its forms. Six days before his passing we were sharing what turned out to be one of his last true home meals and he was railing against racism that had reared its ugly head with a dear friend of his. Even as Scott was managing his own dying he took up the pen and fought for justice and supported a friend with action and not just words. This rise to action has been a pattern in the Steele family. When their beautiful son Simon passed away from cancer - Scott and Fiona got mad, and got involved. Right here in this place of beauty, I and many others, were in awe at their response to the tragic loss of their son. While most of us kept muttering that we couldn't imagine what it must feel like, they shook their fists and took up the cause of the Kids Cancer Ride. It was truly inspiring. And last Saturday, the night before he passed, his thoughts were of making sure that the cancer ride kept happening. This mattered to him. This was the essence of Scott, taking up arms for a cause, righting a wrong or simply speaking truth to stupid.

He will remain an inspiration to me for those reasons as well as his standing invitation to his tomfoolery. And for this reason as well. His belief in questioning everything - once again George Carlin comes to mind:

"Don’t just teach your children to read… Teach them to question what they read. 

Teach them to question everything." 

Having the privilege of knowing his children, Courtney and Sarah and Simon - seeing how unique and beautiful they are I am comforted in knowing that the best part of Scott will live on. They are a testament to the love that Fiona and he passed on. And Fiona my dear friend – Scott liked to talk about your relationship when we got together. Mingled with stories that husbands tell he always brought it down to its simplest equation. You were, at the end of the day, the person he wanted to steal horses with. He couldn’t imagine not having you by his side for it all. Through his dry wit and raised eyebrow he loved you all fiercely.

You are missed by many Scott We will hug each other and comfort each other the best we can but we won't have you here to lighten the mood in the way only you could. You lived everyday fully, you brought laughter and joy to many lives and I will miss you deeply my brother. Say hi to Bowie and Lemmy and George and give your son a big hug for me.

Harmony

Mathematics, according to my numbers obsessed son, can explain everything. It is language, it is reason and it answers all the questions that count. I don't think I disagree with him totally because it is hard to argue against the answers that science provides; the whole fact thing versus supposition and intuition. I also believe that there is the flip side that is equally valuable and perhaps even more profound. Exploring the heart and soul of humanity answers questions and raises even more, much like numbers and their offspring.

Too often we go to one extreme or another. Too often it is only logic versus only passion. A middle ground that offers plenty of both and allows for the possibility of harmony. It is telling that followers of Pythagoras proposed that a relationship existed between heavenly bodies and that they went deeper than a product of an equation - "an ancient philosophical concept that regards proportions in the movements of celestial bodies—the Sun, Moon, and planets—as a form of musica. This "music" is not usually thought to be literally audible, but a harmonic, mathematical or religious concept." (Wikipedia) Interesting coming from people dedicated to the pursuit of science in an age that could get you killed for even suggesting something other than what the local version of Holy writ was.

"We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. 

We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race, 

and the human race is filled with passion. 

Medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. 

But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for."

Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society

I'm feeling a little Quixotic with all the noise we hear and see around us - yesterday, today and tomorrow can be assumed. Maybe I can only do for myself what works for me, in the hope that it matters to someone else as well. Maybe in a positive way somewhere down the long road ahead, the answers will become clear. It's better to travel that road together but more importantly it is imperative that we at least try our version of our best. Looking for harmony as we see it and being open to more than one way of getting there.

"We can walk our road together

If our goals are all the same

We can run alone and free

If we pursue a different aim

Let the truth of Love be lighted

Let the love of truth shine clear

Sensibility

Armed with sense and liberty

With the Heart and Mind united

In a single perfect sphere"

Rush

Ciao
D

Hey, Hey, Hey!!!

It's prisoner 24601!! Or whatever number Mr. Cosby ends up wearing. How the mighty have fallen in this case; America's Dad is going to jail and quite possibly he will die there. While wishing no ill will towards anyone, save for the throat punchy people, it's sad to see what his life has become. All of his own making of course. So let that be a lesson to the Bill's, Jian's and Brock's of the world; maybe, just maybe we are seeing the tide turn enough that #MeToo is not just a catch phrase but a call to action and justice.

And today we have Brett Kavafuck denying Dr. Ford's sworn testimony that he sexually assaulted her. One wonders how the far right and the Republican party can stand there and say the things they say about his accuser. She's a democrat sent to derail this fine man? Where was she all these years? Why now? No one in their right mind would put themselves through the meat grinder known as a senate hearing today if it wasn't true to one degree or another. Death threats from the "gone hunting" crowd and you just know the douche canoes on that committee will absolutely try and destroy her. Fuck them I say. And while we are at it, Fuck Trump!

It seems so easy for the right to walk into a room, suck the oxygen out of it with their holier than thou jamboree and with malice and forethought, think nothing of lying through their collective teeth to paint a picture that suits their narrative. And I'm not so naive to think that the other side isn't complicit in this sort of game, think Bill Clinton and what they tried to do to Monica Lewinsky, but there is a difference here when it comes to the higher ground. Monica, by her own admission, was fully aware of her actions in that sordid story. Young and awestruck? Absolutely. And slick Willie was notorious for getting his way, but she was fully aware of what she was doing. Dr. Ford was not a willing participant and will wear those scars for the rest of her life. And in the end they will face or have faced vilification and humiliation because they came to the show when the circus was in town.

It is a sad commentary on our world to be sure, but I really do think that the tide has turned in the grand scheme of things. Maybe we have finally woken up to the simple fact that not only have we not treated women very well but there are now consequences to those actions.

About damn time!

At Your Service

Why do I do what I do? Days that call for a throat punch response aside, I generally like my chosen career. I'm good at what I do and I'm mostly respected for my abilities. I like the camaraderie of the team I work with, I have a creative outlet when I need it, it can be challenging when busy; mostly though, on those occasions I get to directly see a guests response to something that I played a part in, I enjoy making people happy. I get to impact people's lives, brief as it is with a fleeting meal.

This weekend we have L'Arche in the house for a few days. An organization dedicated to bringing people together of varying abilities in the belief that when everyone is involved then everyone benefits; the world is a better place for the compassion and justice that comes from simply taking someones hands into your own and offering to be of service to them. I was moved by what I saw when walking through the halls going about my day. There is, for me, a quiet but powerful nobility in the notion of saying how can I help you? What can I do for you? Recently it was explained to me that this is one of the ways we show love...I like that.

Too often we are bombarded by the everyday meanness of the world; if it bleeds it leads when it comes to the news. Pundits proffer reasons and predict outcomes, pontificating on everything from gay marriage causing hurricanes to why Drumph is the best or worst president ever. Yet all along we are surrounded by the simple good that the world does show itself that goes unnoticed so often. To think of the way the world could be if we promoted that as much as the people shouting from the rooftops about gun control or abortion or whatever seems to be bothering them most on this day.

Scott has entered the last of his days with us, the fuck off cancer is spreading too rapidly and palliative care is where he now finds himself. We've been blessed to have had this much time with him when he was diagnosed in March. Treasured memories to mingle with the tears that are certainly  coming. He's now going to be entrusted to the people that I think have one of the most difficult jobs in the medical world, taking their patients the final few steps to the beyond. I have no doubt it would be one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding places to practice your humanity.

I want to share a little story from the past few months. Since his diagnosis Scott and Fifi have been subjected to an almost constant stream of visitors coming to say goodbye and show love. All well intentioned of course but there is a reality to be recognized, they essentially began running a bed and breakfast while coping with the stark truth that they faced. One weekend Tammy and I stole away for a visit with an old friend and on the next day we had plans to visit Scott and Fifi. On a whim we decided that we wanted to cook for them and that is what we did instead of going out for a meal. They allowed us to give them a gift, our love being shown with the simple act of preparing a meal and cleaning it all up afterwards. They were happy and we were over the moon to have been able to do something for them. I will treasure the memory of that afternoon forever.

The earth is rotating rapidly on its axis and I know the inevitable is coming sooner than later. I hope for only one thing, the grace to help me do whatever is needed. To be able to show my love in whatever way I can.

D