Tata

Not long ago I wrote about moms and Mother's Day...in my world, as you may recall, Mother's Day is huge. Brunch buffets out the wazoo, flowers everywhere and people tripping over themselves to proclaim their mom to be the boss mom. Fast forward to today and are we busy prepping for a huge Father's Day? Nope. In the history of the restaurant business nothing has ever really worked when it comes to Father's Day celebrations. We try and try but nothing ever really sticks.

I was foolishly asked to sit in on a sales meeting at a former job for my perspective on revenue generating ideas. I was asked, as a father, what would I consider doing for a themed weekend get-away? I looked around the table, considered my audience for the briefest fraction of a second and responded with the following....Do you know what we want for Father's Day? To be left the fuck alone. I didn't get invited to many more sales meetings after that...most likely because I once suggested turning part of the resort into a brothel for revenue generation, but I digress.

Don't get me wrong my friends, the very best thing I am, the thing I am most proud of is being a father to my kids. I adore them. Over the years Father's Day for me has changed. When they were younger it was breakfast in bed or handmade cards, as they got older and the divorce took hold we had a ritual of going to Peggy's Cove for a few hours clambering over rocks and grabbing a bite somewhere. Doing stuff instead of having stuff sort of thing. Alas, tomorrow we will not be clambering....bum knee and limited time, but we will go for breakfast and that will be more than enough for me.

You see, personally, I'm not one for a big production to be made for me. I don't care to be the centre of attention, I feel somewhat awkward. Actually I was recently asked if I was going to have a big party for my 50th next year...nope. Not by my planning at least. I'd certainly love to see people and be convivial while enjoying a libation or two but I couldn't plan my own party anymore than I could lick my elbow. I suspect I'm not alone with the male species in that way. Speaking personally and somewhat anecdotally, we men do like our alone time. Sure, shower me with love and I'm happy as a clam, but I'm not really in the mood to spend $50 for a buffet....I'd be much more interested in say, a round of golf and a barbecue. A good game of whack fuck maybe topped only by a solo motorcycle ride through the country, at least I think it would, not having a bike yet. We do like our time when we can get it.

Dad's are a special breed don't you think? Stupid jokes, stern messaging, out of touch likes, music and hobbies all rolled into an integral part of the world. Where would I be without my dad? By sheer force of will and by example he has helped shape my life into what it is now. An ever evolving ethos that is about respect and doing the right thing. I'm reminded of the Al Pacino speech in Scent of a Woman, where he talks of coming to the crossroads many times in his life. Knowing without a doubt the right choice but never making it because it was "too damn hard". My dad instilled in me respect for respect and working hard. Be the best you that you can be, in my dad's words...be a man and do the right thing. Choose the right road.

"An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind"

I remember as a young guy my dad getting me to help him with his little projects. Be it fixing the door on the shed, changing the tires over for winter or patching holes in drywall. In hindsight, he was teaching me things I would probably need to know in life...things that would save me money and instil a sense of accomplishment. Being a little fuck head know it all meant that I was more interested in the hockey game or chasing girls....or really anything but standing there watching my dad choose screwdrivers. Thankfully I came to find out that this was normal behaviour for boys growing to be men. I was not alone in this type of behaviour. The reflective me wishes that maybe I had paid attention a little more, been a little more engaged with him. Not because I would be a better handyman but because I would know him better. Sometime in the future he won't be around anymore and I can't imagine that, I can't imagine a life that he is not in. There would be a massive hole that I simply can't comprehend. For all his faults he is still one of the best persons I have known in my life. He has gone through a lot in his life, worked harder than anyone I have ever known and come through on the other end as Dide (Croatian term for grandfather). For a small glimpse in to what I'm talking about read this previous post The Game The guy that carried candy in his pockets when my kids were young to sneak them a treat. The guy that goes for long walks and meets every neighbour in the surrounding enclave of suburban sameness. Handyman extraordinaire. Maker of the bean stew I hated as a kid but now wish I could eat more of. My dad. Tata

My dad enjoys his alone time. Be it his walks or working in his workshop, I think this is when he collects his thoughts. Ruminates over whatever he needs to and than acts accordingly. Preferring one on one interactions over large scale celebrations...not being the centre of attention. I know how he feels. And that's what I meant by leave us alone. Give us our space to think, give us time to be what we need, to be the men we want and need to be. My dad knows this and I know it now as well....good job on, you know, helping to raise the kid thing.

Happy Father's Day Tata...see you in a few days

Mucho Love
D