Holes

"I'm moving through the dark

Of a long black night"

What a powerful thought. This stopped me in my tracks and for more than a pause for thought. It's been a bit of weird week, a lot of that "black night" floating about with people I know, people close to me. Try as I might I don't always understand or comprehend the pain or trials others may be feeling, but I do try and I do think that these people know that I'm doing my best to lend an ear or a shoulder to lean on.

At the close of day though, the inescapable fact is that they are in a hole. Some deeper than others. Reasons as varied as the people involved. Responses that you can surely imagine. Holes. Fucking holes.

The very first person I dated when I separated passed along a piece of sage advice that she had heard from one of her friends. It went something like this; you're in a hole now. Be in the hole. Accept that you're in the hole. Once you've accepted that you're in a hole you'll be able to figure out a way out of the hole. Really it's about accepting the fact that you have a problem, and supposedly that's half the battle right?

Well, I don't know if it's that cut and dry but I do think it's a good starting place. There will be false starts and there will be times when no matter what you do that hole only seems to get deeper, the sheerness of the walls seem insurmountable. The ropes and ladders that are lowered down to you will falter, fall in and be mirages. But you can find your way out. There is a light somewhere.

I won't be so casual with an "I know what you're going through" because almost certainly I do not. However I can jump in the hole with you. And I'm sure there are others that will as well. Family and friends that you trust, that you can turn to, that you can cry with, these are the ones that I would want down in that hole with me. They may know the way out. They may give you a boost out. Or simply lower a rope down to you so you can climb out yourself.

Be in the hole. While not OK by any means, it probably does help to accept the fact. It also helps to  remember that the hole isn't who you are. It is a part of you but it shouldn't define you, you can't be reduced to a hole, to only one thing. The hole is where you are, not who you are.

And I'm looking at the moon

And the light it shines

But I'm thinking of a place

And it feels so very real

Oh, it was so full of love!"

I believe in the ethos that tomorrow will be better, that this day is simply a prelude to the next and when you scrub away the mundane, the routine and the unimportant things you can truly see if you are working towards a better tomorrow. Be it planning to cross off a bucket list item or just taking those baby steps to get out of the hole, the journey is the point, not the thing.

Fuck Holes