Impressions

Name something about your personality that you like.  Go ahead.  Be honest.  I won't be testing you on this.  OK, did you name a bunch?  I did.  I'm no expert in, well anything really, but social behaviour was where I was going with this but I suspect that a lot of us would have put down what we hope other people see in us.  A validation of some sort I guess, again not being an expert or anything similar.

The on-line dating world is chock a block full with people trying to make impressions.  Some do it with a picture, some with a picture and a write up on their profile and some simply with their write up.  I find it both aggravating and terribly interesting to figure out the real person behind the profile. I joke that I'm going to write a book about my dating experiences because there are simply too many good stories out there to leave them untold.  Mind you, the stories aren't all good, people being people means there are a fair share of negative stories.  Perspective plays a huge roll I think in how we end up dealing with it all.

So genius man, what impressions are you making out there?  I don't know, you tell me.

If I had to choose something that I like about my personality, I might say my naivete and probably my sense of humour, such as it is. And if I'm being honest, I'm not worrying about making an impression, I'm interested in being myself.  My humour is for me.  If other people find it funny, great, if not...I'm ok with that as well.  My naivete is another subject entirely but again, it's my naivete, intrinsically tied to my outlook on life and what I find important.  Read the list of quotes in my last posting to see what inspires, humours and confuses me...and all of that is tied to the tapestry of my life.  There is that word again!

My dad used to say that how many languages you speak that is how many men you are.  That's pretty cool.  I like to go further and say that the same sentiment applies to many aspects of how many "men" you are. Seeing that I can't speak any other languages other than English, and not very well sometimes, I may be grasping at straws but I don't think so.  Oh, I can still swear a bit in Croatian if that is any help.  We all have played the greater fool to some extent in our lives.  I think it is an inescapable truth to us as humans that we act irrationally against all facts.  So what I say.  It was a moment in time, not the be all and end all of our stories.  If we are being honest with ourselves, and we really should be, given the opportunity, would you make a different decision? I would have still opened the B & B.  Is that the right choice?  In hind sight, possibly not, in the moment, yep. Remember, no regrets.

I will pass along something that a dear friend of mine said to me once.  She said I reminded her of a summer market in Provence, an old Italian fellow whistling at girls in the piazza and an Irish gentleman setting off on a long walk down a country road.  I can't whistle but my God did I ever like that sentiment.  In my bones I know I belong in Europe for extended parts of the year and I am taking baby steps to realizing that goal down the road...and if successful, I think those three images of me will suit me well.

I can't wait...maybe you will come for a visit.

Ciao
D

Just because...

"This is the worst party I've ever been to. And I was at Jonestown" – Gracie & Frankie

“You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: Did he have passion?" – Serendipity

“Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will 

To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” – Tennyson

“When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfil? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?” – One Week

“I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” – Mahatma Gandhi

 "In a gentle way, you can shake the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.” - Margaret Mead

“All you need is love” – The Beatles

“Drink, drink, drink oh fiddly dink, I can dance with a drink in my hand” – Elvis Presley

“What contemptible scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch?” – W.C Fields

“Days turn to minutes
And minutes to memories
Life sweeps away the dreams
That we have planned
You are young and you are the future
So suck it up and tough it out
And be the best you can” - John Mellencamp

“Does any one know where the love of God goes

when the waves turn the minutes to hours?” – Gordon Lightfoot

“Well my friends are gone and my hair is grey
I ache in the places where I used to play” – Leonard Cohen

“I don't have faith in faith
I don't believe in belief
You can call me faithless
I still cling to hope
And I believe in love
And that's faith enough for me” - Rush

“If you want to improve be content to be thought foolish and stupid” – Epictetus

“Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.” – The Godfather

 “Boronus, boretis, boremus. I came, I saw, I bored” - MASH

Filters! We don't need no stinking filters!

Top of the morning to ya!  Sunny beautiful but not entirely warm day today in Halifax.  And that is the extent of my small talk skill set.  It actually hurt me to write that.  I can't do small talk, I missed that day at school.  Same with the day they introduced "x" into math class and quite a bit of grammar I think. But those are stories for another day.

I dislike getting my haircut.  Not because I think my powers come from grey locks but because of the aforementioned small talk that I cannot do.  I hear the phrase "they say it's going to rain" and I've tuned out. I'm thinking about a 78 things at once at the best of times so tuning out gives me the opportunity to focus on a couple of these while the verge gets trimmed. I miss Gino back in Toronto. He can talk to you about anything and have a great time doing it.  Wonderful guy.  "Tony" here in the city is entertaining because he insults you and everyone that walks in to the joint.  Sadly I don't always have the time to wait for "Tony".  Social butterfly that I am...ha

And you're thinking to yourself, this blog is starting to sound like small talk right about now. Haircuts and insults? Is that the best we can do? I'm getting there, chill already. I like talking about big things. Big ideas, big issues...whatever. I like engagement and authenticity.  Be genuine and original. Be you. And if you're being you know that I am, for sure, going to be me. Which brings us to the subject of filters. Not the ones with yesterdays coffee grounds in them of course.  The ones that prevent "normal" people from saying what they are thinking at any given moment. I have mentioned previously about the I don't give a damn what others think about me attitude I possess, by extension one can assume that this applies to what I say as well.  True story.  Save the filters. I try not to offend anyone and I do not look for confrontation, being happier to let people be. But given the opportunity or reason, I will tell you what I think.  Shocker eh?

As I make the approach to turning 50 I feel that filter melting away day by day. I've been told that when you turn 50 a little switch seems to go off and you are free and unfettered from filters. Woooooohoooooooooo!! Those of you that know me will probably think I have never had a pause button as I can find myself in ridiculous situations because I didn't stop for a millisecond to let my brain catch up to itself.  Oh well. I'm ok with it, you should be as well.

When I first ventured into the dating world I heard that you couldn't talk about religion, politics and past relationships on dates.  Whatever.  If a free flowing conversation goes there then it goes there. We are the sum of all things that have happened to us up to that moment so why in the hell would we pretend it didn't exist.  Our compatibility will be affected greatly if you are a Steven Harper supporter...maybe it's best to get that straight sooner than later. Don't you think. Again, filters melting away in this context.

On the subject of dating...I think I will venture into that category over time as well.  It's a treasure trove of stories...I could write a book on that alone I think. It's a crazy world and a lot of perspective is needed to not only survive in it but learn and grow from it. I look forward to the day that I am forever away from it but for now, it is what it is.  Know what I'm saying.

I think that is all for today's rambling

Ciao
D

Methinks doth quote too much

Yes, again with the quotes...so what.  It's my blog after all, you're not the boss of me.

Trading messages with a friend of mine on Facebook the other day and she dropped this little nugget on me from The Beatles "And in the end ... the love you take is equal to the love you make"  Now, I may have been dropped on my head a few times when I was younger.  I know I hit my head or was hit in the head a number of times for sure, so I am never sure about my memory and some cognitive skills (my way of saying I can be clueless) but at first I didn't know what these lyrics really mean. Mean to me. 

It looks like one of those deceptively easy riddles that really isn't that easy.  I always hated those kind of questions on tests.  Train A leaves Halifax at 9:00 heading west at 120km/h and .....blah blah, what colour is the train?  Get the hell out of here!!  True story, I answered one of these stupid ass questions once with a picture of an elephant on a tightrope.  Ask a stupid question get stupid answer.  Take that. Anyway, I digress, as usual. Back to said lyrics.  After thinking about it I want to believe it's about equality.  Being equal in a relationship as opposed to battling the ever balancing scales. Tipping in your own favour so you can "win".  I think we all do it to varying degrees in all sorts of relationships. And that in itself isn't a bad thing but it can become one over time.  A cumulative erosion if you will that saps the good out of us and out of the relationship.  

Just to be clear, I'm not giving relationship advice....said the divorced guy.  I know nothing except what I know for myself.  Chaos theory rules the roost when it comes to relationships in general so who am I to tell anyone anything.  But if I can make an observation, if we all spent a little time with empathy and understanding as our starting points, maybe, just maybe, we can be a bit happier in the "us" part of our lives. Of course I would be remiss if I didn't quote another lyric from a Beatle "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans".  Sing it John!!!!  See what I mean about the answers being out there.  Isn't life grand that way?  I can tell you that this, above all else, is what wore away my marriage.  Everything else getting in the way of continuing to build a relationship. Work, money, kids, yard work, cats...and so on.  These things all happen to us daily, that's normal, leaving nothing for the "us" to build on...say hi to my divorce lawyer.  So here I be. What will happen to me in the next half of my life?  I have no idea but I'm looking forward to it happening.

Take a moment to find an interview that Mandy Patinken did on "Q" with that douche bag Jian Gomeshi.  They were talking about The Princess Bride and Mandy said something that struck a deep resonance with me.  Talking about the enduring appeal and magic of the movie and he recalls telling his wife at a screening that he didn't have the time to dream that he would be in something so wonderful.  He hadn't had the chance to even dream about doing this film.  Well, kick me in the throat that is brilliant.  Pie in the sky dreaming that might make your eyes roll...I don't care.  That is exceptional.  That is inspirational.  I don't know what's coming but I am never going to be afraid of it.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JGp7Meg42U

Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake, fake!!

There was an event back in grade nine that has helped shape my entire life since then.  Actually, the event isn't the thing, as I don't actually remember the specifics but my reaction to it.  I was probably being made fun of by the "cool" kids or something similar because my hair wasn't a certain way and my shoes didn't have the requisite tassels on them.  There and then I came to the conclusion that my life was my own and I wouldn't care what other people thought of me.  I would no longer worry about living up to someone else's idea of what I should be.  Truth be told, I was probably always like that but it took until that grade, that age and that moment for me to actually understand the totality of what I was thinking.  Pretty cool I think when you come to realize that a lot of people still haven't figured that out.

I won't lie to you and say that some things said don't bother me or that there isn't anything about me that I wouldn't change, that's just crazy, and not very honest.  But I don't let those things rule my life or cripple my ability to think for myself.  And therein lies the lesson.  I like to think that anyone that knows me knows that I am genuine and authentic.  I hate fake people.  I'm not fake.  So it stands to reason that I don't get along with fake people.  And there are so many of them out there....ugh, come on throat punchers.

Donald Drumph is not fake.  Stupid and dangerous, yes for sure.  But he is genuine and that's why a lot of people that need to be punched in the throat like him.  He has, because of bombast and chutzpah he has tapped into simmering hatred, disgust and desire for change.  Conversely, on the other side of the political spectrum, Bernie Sander (Go Bernie) has done the same.  Let us compare and contrast....never mind, you should know the difference.  Bernie, also no fake.  I don't know if I will ever understand "fakeness" and all that it entails and maybe I'm not supposed to.  I'm happy with who I am and that should be enough for all.  If not, please read any post that I have made...you have my response.

So, what's the point pontification man?  Well, here are some things that I like and now I'm sharing it with you.  I can't say non existent readers any more because I have shared this with a few people and it seems that I have been read in the US and Europe (Hey Poland and Ukraine!!!)  Who knew?

The things I am going to admit to liking or showing an interest in....hmmmmm  I like the show Friends, my little guilty pleasure that I share with my youngest daughter.  There are some chick flicks that I like, not many but I don't dismiss them out right.  I have become enamoured with Choir, Choir, Choir out of Toronto and their You Tube videos...so much so that I may search out something similar here in Halifax.  I can't sing but I enjoy singing.  Ask the lady walking crossing the cross walk in front of me yesterday....good laughs. Hopefully I made that part of her day enjoyable.  And, this one is for you Daveda and Scott, I do like a little ABBA.  Saccharine coated bubblegum nonsense?  Sure. So what, some of the songs are catchy and it always brings a smile to my face when I can torment Daveda with an unexpected ABBA song in her ear or in an email.  She is after all, the Dancing Queen.  Scott will probably run into me with his Ducati Monster and ridicule me for the rest of my days, but he will always be the wus.

I'm sure there are many more that I can share, but all in good time.

That all for today

Ciao
D

Change changing places

I wonder how many songs written are about change.  Not even close to how many have been written about love I'm sure but I can rhyme off a few from the top of my head so I suspect there is a fair amount.  Like death and taxes, change is one of those given constants...always to be counted on happening in one way or another.  To some an unbearable stress point and to others, like myself, no big deal.  Or is it?

I like to think of myself as someone that adapts easily to the ever changing landscape around me. Personally, professionally, existentially...whatever.  Right?  Yes, mostly.  The tumult that my life has been over the past few years, what with divorce, cancer and my kids growing up without my permission I have had some changes.  I handled most of them well.  And by that I mean, I'm not in a position where I look back with regret. Have things been hard?  Yep, you bet.  I have learned and by extension grown because of these hard things.  That's probably my nature, and I'm glad it is, but I wonder if I am over simplifying things.  Am I glossing over events as an unknown defence mechanism on my part.  I hope not but I do now ask that question of myself...what of the road not taken?

Two things this week have prompted this little post.  My sister has developed an issue with her eye. Thankfully not like my eye issue but certainly difficult to deal with for all involved.  My poor mother is probably beside herself.  And, sadly, my girlfriend and I have gone our own ways.  We simply couldn't get back the magic we once enjoyed.  These are changes.  Like a pinball bouncing around inside a machine, it sometimes feels like there is no plan, no direction known...just reaction to bumpers and flippers.  Look at me driving down this highway enjoying the scenery....crap, a pony just crossed the divide.  Now what?????

I don't want to get into the whole God and religion debate here.  I believe to each is own.  Just don't presume to convert me or pass judgement on me.  You'll get an earful and then some.  Just random thoughts hopefully begging more discussion...I feel I will come back to this post.

In the mean time....hug your mom

Ciao
D

I quote, therefore I am

If you've read this far you may have come to the realization that I am enamoured with other peoples observations on life and by paying homage to them I am incorporating their thoughts and words into my own.  Sometimes through osmosis and sometimes through what one can  best describe as a piano being dropped on your head.  So when I quote I am paying one of the highest of tributes that I can think of...and my God, the material to draw from is vast.

I love wine.  Correction, I love good wine.  And one of the best things I have ever heard about wine is from the movie Sideways.  A wonderful little film with the equally wonderful Paul Giamatti.  The film is rife with little nuggets of wisdom and humour, think "I'm not drinking any fucking Merlot" But I love, love, love this piece where Maya talks about the life of wine...

"No, I- I like to think about the life of wine.

How it's a living thing. I like to think about what was going on the year the grapes were growing; how the sun was shining; if it rained. I like to think about all the people who tended and picked the grapes. And if it's an old wine, how many of them must be dead by now. I like how wine continues to evolve, like if I opened a bottle of wine today it would taste different than if I'd opened it on any other day, because a bottle of wine is actually alive. And it's constantly evolving and gaining complexity. That is, until it peaks, like your '61. And then it begins its steady, inevitable decline.

And it tastes so fucking good."

Could that be a metaphor for life?  Growing old, learning new things, our experiences making us who we are today, and how we will be different tomorrow...a year from now, 10 years from now.  The same but different.  The people that have passed through our lives and the ones that are still there.  I spent sometime this weekend catching up with some friends that I haven't seen in a while.  Sipping some coffee and chatting about whatever crosses our minds.  I enjoyed it thoroughly.  No agendas, no games and no worries.  Simply enjoying each others company and the spring like day.  Life can be grand, if we let it be.  Those kinds of experiences are what interest me now.  Learning about people and the world and in turn about myself.  All part of the process I suspect and one that I am truly enjoying.

A while back I asked you to remember to ask me about "we just decided to".  Well, you all failed. Not one of you reminded me, and since my memory is spotty the fault is all yours in my failing to talk about this...haha  Anyhooooooooo.  To touch back on Mr Sorkin and his show The Newsroom.  Charlie Skinner gave a little speech to Will that went thus..

"Charlie: For a long time now, I badly wanted to watch the news on my TV at night. Then it occurred to me-- I run a news division.

Will: She's indifferent to ratings, competition, corporate concerns, and, generally speaking, consequences.

Charlie: Good, 'cause you just described my job. I'm Don Quixote, you can be Sancho, she'll be Dulcinea, and everyone out there is the horse.

Will: Donkey. How did you know about that conversation?

Charlie: I know everything. Anchors having an opinion isn't a new phenomenon. Murrow had one and that was the end of McCarthy. Cronkite had one and that was the end of Vietnam.

Will: I'm not those guys.

Charlie: I'm betting all my money on you're wrong. You know what, kiddo? In the old days of about 10 minutes ago, we did the news well. You know how? We just decided to."

How awesome is that? In light of the train wreck known as the American presidential elections and all the nonsense it brings forth, one wishes for that.  Simply deciding to do the right things and actually doing it.  My fervent hope is that Bernie Sanders ideas get the just examination they deserve if he can't be president.  Better still would be the ideas actually being implemented....how?  Because they decided to.

Ciao

D