At Your Service

Why do I do what I do? Days that call for a throat punch response aside, I generally like my chosen career. I'm good at what I do and I'm mostly respected for my abilities. I like the camaraderie of the team I work with, I have a creative outlet when I need it, it can be challenging when busy; mostly though, on those occasions I get to directly see a guests response to something that I played a part in, I enjoy making people happy. I get to impact people's lives, brief as it is with a fleeting meal.

This weekend we have L'Arche in the house for a few days. An organization dedicated to bringing people together of varying abilities in the belief that when everyone is involved then everyone benefits; the world is a better place for the compassion and justice that comes from simply taking someones hands into your own and offering to be of service to them. I was moved by what I saw when walking through the halls going about my day. There is, for me, a quiet but powerful nobility in the notion of saying how can I help you? What can I do for you? Recently it was explained to me that this is one of the ways we show love...I like that.

Too often we are bombarded by the everyday meanness of the world; if it bleeds it leads when it comes to the news. Pundits proffer reasons and predict outcomes, pontificating on everything from gay marriage causing hurricanes to why Drumph is the best or worst president ever. Yet all along we are surrounded by the simple good that the world does show itself that goes unnoticed so often. To think of the way the world could be if we promoted that as much as the people shouting from the rooftops about gun control or abortion or whatever seems to be bothering them most on this day.

Scott has entered the last of his days with us, the fuck off cancer is spreading too rapidly and palliative care is where he now finds himself. We've been blessed to have had this much time with him when he was diagnosed in March. Treasured memories to mingle with the tears that are certainly  coming. He's now going to be entrusted to the people that I think have one of the most difficult jobs in the medical world, taking their patients the final few steps to the beyond. I have no doubt it would be one of the most difficult and yet most rewarding places to practice your humanity.

I want to share a little story from the past few months. Since his diagnosis Scott and Fifi have been subjected to an almost constant stream of visitors coming to say goodbye and show love. All well intentioned of course but there is a reality to be recognized, they essentially began running a bed and breakfast while coping with the stark truth that they faced. One weekend Tammy and I stole away for a visit with an old friend and on the next day we had plans to visit Scott and Fifi. On a whim we decided that we wanted to cook for them and that is what we did instead of going out for a meal. They allowed us to give them a gift, our love being shown with the simple act of preparing a meal and cleaning it all up afterwards. They were happy and we were over the moon to have been able to do something for them. I will treasure the memory of that afternoon forever.

The earth is rotating rapidly on its axis and I know the inevitable is coming sooner than later. I hope for only one thing, the grace to help me do whatever is needed. To be able to show my love in whatever way I can.

D

Two + Two = A Bushel of Apples

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." 

Galileo Galilei

One would not need to dig too deep to find a world out there full of conspiracy "theorists", deniers of science and believers in the ludicrous. Former president, and noted thinker, George Bush claimed that the jury was still out on evolution. We have a Flat Earth Society and there are people out there, walking amongst us, that believe hurricanes and tornadoes are caused by gay people. Yep, welcome to 2018.

I've said this many times, I don't give a good God damn what you believe in, I really don't. Just keep it to yourself please. I don't want to hear about the conspiracy of gravity or the inside job on 9/11. And it's not because of the reason you may believe it to be, it's because I can't stomach your absolute inability to allow for the slightest possibility that you are wrong. Your absolutism is what keeps me away from your theories. If only you wanted to truly discuss and debate your ideas along with mine and others, then perhaps we could allow for the idea of 9/11 being something other than what it appeared to be.

But not the earth being flat. Sorry. Look up at the moon pal. During a lunar eclipse the shadow cast upon it is curved, which is due to the fact that the earth is round or spherical. Done. Lewis Black already gave us the rebuttal to Bush Jr - fossils!!! Enough said.

Whether due to a crazy amount of weed smoked in a short span of time, an anomaly of genetics or simple belief that the the YouTube guy must be right because he uses big words, there are a few too many out there that believe these things, regardless of scientific proof and general agreement by the world at large. It's perplexing to me and to others and we simply shake our heads in disbelief but to be honest I don't know what is worse for me, the absurdity of the claim or the complete binary way that people look at life. Ones and zeros may work in computer coding but not in the world at large. The world is grey, not black and white, and while there are absolutes to be sure, we can also be sure that there are far more areas of nuance allowing for a plurality of beliefs and ideas. This simple understanding is how we move forward, the underlying "how" of how we have grown as a society, Drumph and his ilk not withstanding of course.

A few years back I was visiting the Big Smoke and having a drink with an old friend. From time to time he reads this blog of mine and he wanted to ask me about my thoughts on Justin Trudeau. He was a little nervous because he didn't want to offend me but after a little bit of encouragement he let me know that he thought I was dead wrong on Trudeau. So we began a discussion on the merits and faults of our prime minister. Dom and I are at opposite ends of the political world but that has never stopped us from being best of friends for over 35 years now. We can agree and disagree on everything and we can respect each others positions because we allow for the possibility of more than one answer. While I still believe in Justin and generally like where our country is going he did open my eyes to a few things with logic and reason. so by the end of our discussion I had to agree that he was right about a few things. My world did not fall apart and I still have him as a friend. Plurality, it's a thing.

So whether we are coded one way or another I do believe it's important to note that codes can be re-written and adjusted. We can change. People used to believe that the earth was flat, now they don't, save those flat earth society types of course. We used to believe that we could literally scare the sick out of people, thankfully smarter people came along and started using science and reason to come up with better ways of curing illness. I think of my own brush with cancer, radioactive disk sewn on to my eye to kill a tumour or have Bob jump out from behind the door to scare it away? I'll take the disk and punch Bob in the throat thank you very much.

And that is my thing for today.
Ciao
D

Where Do You Draw The Line?

I have read with interest the case of Dr. Mehta at Acadia University, a tenured professor being fired for his behaviour and views that, according to the University, go beyond what would be considered both normal and acceptable. The man stands accused of fostering a hostile work place for his colleagues and a place to not only espouse his views on the world but, more dastardly, shoot down anyone that dares to question his version of said world.

So, let me go out on a limb here and state that this guy sounds like one of those nut job believers in conspiracy theories and has deeply held convictions that "they" have it too good and why should "they" get a leg up when others don't. "They" being women, minorities and any other group that seem to get preferential treatment in his view. You needn't think too hard to know where I am going to come down on when it comes to my view of the good doctor.

I will preface what I am about to say by saying that I have not met this guy, sat in his class or read anything other than what has been reported in the news. I will also say that I know this guy, more specifically, guys like this. Annoying little fucks that carry chips on their shoulders for all manner of real and perceived problems that they like to blame on everyone else but themselves. Women, minorities, aboriginals and just about anyone else gets scooped up in their vitriol, and they will mask they're racism and misogyny as free speech; and should you question them on their views you are attacking the very freedom that scores have died for. Get fucked.

Why is it that these douche canoes feel like they can trample all over everyone else's rights in their search for justification and a sympathetic ear? Lurking in the not so dark and dark corners of the web, with names like Rebel Media and leaders/fans like Alex Jones and Rush Limbaugh. Under guise of academic freedom, political populism and simple free speech, emboldened by the likes of Drumph and his ilk, the truth these people speak almost always comes with a cost. The cost in human terms, for the people targeted by these Idi Amin wannabes, is dignity, peace and yes freedom. 

"Not that I condone fascism; or any ism for that matter. Isms, in my opinion, are not good. 

A person should not believe in an ism, he should believe in himself."

Ferris Bueller

Yes, Ferris had it right back in the 80's. Believing in an "ism" may make you feel better, may even make sense but it will, by simple definition, lead to one group of people looking down on another and lead to exclusion and/or persecution of others. This is an almost inescapable by product of your desire to play footsie with any faction of people out there. We have seen it time and again through history. Right, left, Catholic, Jew - it doesn't matter, for one to grow it often leads to standing on the throats of the other. And that's where my problem lies with the likes of Dr Mehta. I don't care what you believe in. I really don't. Unicorns are real and sex with penguins is a turn on for you? Fill your boots, just keep your shit over there and out of my face. Don't try to convert me to your way of life and prepare for a response should you find yourself in need of belittling others within earshot. If you want to talk about things, great - I am all for healthy discussion and debate. It is when conversions and crusades come into play that I stop listening and start reacting.

Some will argue that curtailing this guys free speech is the bigger issue, we must after all preserve it regardless of how objectionable it might be. I will grant you a portion of that argument, with the strongest caveat being related to how said message is delivered and if it is to someone else's detriment. It is, I believe, against the law to yell fire in a movie theatre when there is no fire. The same as you are not allowed to joke about having explosives while waiting in line to board a plane. Your right is not absolute so you shouldn't be able to spew Nazi hate without expecting consequences of one kind or another. I'm thinking a throat punch.

This whole episode has raised my ire a tad I must say. There is little patience for this kind of douche baggery in my opinion and I do really believe that we are all obligated to stand up to this nonsense when it presents itself. So, on the face of it, good for you Acadia. Out with douches!!!

Ciao

D 

That's How I Got To Memphis

A country song? Really? Have no fear, I'm not about to don cowboy boots and buy a douche bag truck, country music remains in the same category it always has. Which doesn't preclude me from taking inspiration from a lyric or two; on these very pages I have written about Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson's You're Always On My Mind, so it shouldn't come as a surprise that this song got me thinking. It also shouldn't come as a surprise that it was an Aaron Sorkin show that brought this tune to me. See, I haven't changed.

Or maybe I have. And that's the point dear reader. As Sorkin brilliantly put it, Memphis is a stand in for where you are, it talks of how you got to where you are in life. A romance, a life change, sickness and death...insert so many other events, large and small, and see how life can sometimes leave you feeling like you're dancing on puppet strings.

"If you love somebody enough

You'll follow wherever they go"

I have changed over time. I think we all do. Not the core of us of course, I think that remains constant save for the ebbs and flows like a meandering river, which is as good a metaphor for life that I can think of. Yesterday I was walking a beach on the Northumberland Shore, seals sunning themselves on a sandbar not to far from us and simply enjoying the pleasure of spending time with Tammy and her boy. Who would have thought that six months ago? And that's the important part, being open to whatever comes your way. Being open to ending up in Memphis. The destination matters less than the journey; people we meet, things we do and the love that is built around shared expereinces as well as hopes for the future.

"If you love somebody enough

You'll go where your heart wants to go"

Milestones seem to be the word of the day, Scott's birthday; a blessing all things considered, first day of university for all three of my little birds with the youngest one starting day one in the next step of her journey while my oldest starts medical school, and last but not least, by any stretch, celebrating six months together with the love of my life. OK fine, six months and a day but I was busy yesterday with the seals and stuff. 

All around me people are journeying to their own Memphis, or is that Memphii? Some are there for the time being as I really do think Memphis is a fluid kind of place, remember, it is actually on the rivers edge.

How did I get to Memphis? Waiting outside that coffee shop for a first date, a blustery kind of day and she walks up to me a gives me a hug because she's a hugger. So am I. And in those next two hours over a hot beverage we connected. Here we are six months later planning a future together. Hello Memphis!! Life is beautiful.

"That's how I got to Memphis

That's how I got to Memphis"

Ciao

D

Scales

And what exactly does the measure of man use as a yardstick? How do we rectify all the complexities that we all own at the end of the road? Deep thoughts for a Sunday morning as I sip my java, do a little food prep and listen to the latest Spotify algorithm just for me.

This stems from John McCain passing away yesterday of course and the almost instant plethora of tributes, denunciations and online vitriol on all sides. The man died, chill out people. Show something that your parents should have instilled in you...respect. Think Aretha Franklin if you need a reminder. Anyway, this deluge got me to thinking about how no matter who you are you will have those that like you and those that dislike you. It is simply human nature. Nobody is universally loved.

So how will we think of Mr McCain in years to come? Will there always be an asterisk by his name for this thing or that? Sadly, yes. We can't just say that the man had complexities? As we all do. In the grand scheme of life, for me, the balance for McCain is more positive than negative. Whether you agreed with him politically he subscribed to the creed of public service. He served in the military, was a prisoner of war at the infamous Hanoi Hilton for five years and upon returning home he dedicated his life to serving the public as an elected representative. Ran for president a few times and never won but continued to serve. Made some political, legal and ethical gaffs along the way but still he worked hard for what he perceived his greatest duty, the people of the United States. May in rest in peace.

But that won't be it. We don't let people rest in peace anymore do we? Case in point, Mackenzie King; respected as a thoughtful, somber and serious man that led Canada longer than any other prime minister. Through World War Two no less, he also was serviced by prostitutes and spoke to ghosts according to a biography based on his own memoirs. Does all that change how we night view him? When you heard that John Lennon had a history of domestic abuse how did you feel? For someone to seek out and proclaim that love was the answer to the ills of the world how could he be a douche like that? I lost some respect for him when I heard that but in the end the overall image of him is still more positive than negative...hate the sin, not the sinner someone once said.

The Egyptian Goddess Maat was the goddess of truth, justice and balance, not to mention harmony, order and morality. Maybe deities of different stripes can pass judgement if that's the kind of thing you want or need to believe in, personally I use my own yardstick. Was that person decent? Do I trust them? Would I trust them with others that I love? Of course there are levels that corespond with how much you really can know someone but it's as good a place to start as I can think of. If the hairs on my neck stay put we're off to a good start.

We all carry imperfections around with us like so many loonies in our pockets. Most of us are not inherently bad or evil people but we are all complicated and messy. While I will never face the scrutiny that someone like McCain or Lennon have and will continue to face I take solace in the simple fact that most days I can look myself in the mirror and like what stares back. Imperfections and all we should all give ourselves a bit of a break and look to the good stuff a little more.

Ciao
D

POF and Methuselah

The world of online dating, or even dating in general, in your 40's can, at best, be described as simply crazy, at worse...THUNDERDOME!!! The running joke for someone considering getting divorced is to let them hang out on POF or Tinder for a week and that would scare them straight. Of course that's not true for all and it leaves out the context surrounding said decision. But there is something to be said for the general sense of dread when jumping into that pond...it can be ugly.

Having said that I stand before you as proof positive that it can and does actually work. I met my one and only and I know others that have as well. I am happy to leave that world behind of course but I have to be honest, I am thankful I had my time there. The experiences I had and the people I met have led me to where I am today, I always knew I would meet her and fall madly in love, it just simply took time to get there. And so it can for everyone.

For certain I feel blessed to be 50, alive and happy at the same time. I know it's not the same for everyone as we all have shit to deal with. The severity of it all depends on circumstances and perspective, fortunately at the moment both of these are positive for me, so I'll take that scenario any day and twice on Sundays.

So what's my point? How to avoid mid-life crisis? Dating advice? Relationship classes? Laughable as they all are and fodder for all sorts of nonsense, I think my point is perspective itself. Our lives are coloured by all manner of flotsam and jetsam that we pass through. Good times, bad times and everything in between; going from diapers to prom dresses in the snap of a finger and than you have to grow up and be adulty. WTF is that all about? And now after 30 plus years of that you've got the last half of your life to live. You've won some, lost some and yet there is more to come. How we view all that has happened and look at what will happen is what, in the end, we will be most influenced by. Choose wisely I say.

Be it dating or work or any number of life experiences, how we go into the thing matters. Despite the nature of online dating I looked at it as a way to say hello without having to walk up to someone in the flesh. And when we did meet I genuinely walked in thinking, OK, maybe this will be the last time I have to do this. She could be the one. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of these encounters were positive and from them I have gained friendship and treasured experiences...see, perspective matters. If you go in negative or resigned to a position of barely veiled apathy, chances are you won't find a good result.

One of the oldest living things on earth is a tree named Methuselah in California. A Bristlecone Pine high up in the mountains past Death Valley. Maybe not the most inhospitable place on earth but certainly up there, and yet there stands a tree older than the pyramids...just living out life. That tree could provide perspective for us all. Weathering time and the elements this tree stands as a testament to resilience. Given the time to feel the passage of ages one would, hopefully, be in awe of the tree simply being. Bravo tree. Only God knows if the tree has already passed midlife crisis time or is simply getting warmed up. Given the choice, I would choose the latter as my prism to look to the future with.

So what does it take? My answer would be nothing more than being vulnerable and not afraid. Simple right? The thing is, you got to find that within you and in your own way. My rose coloured glasses fit me and me only...you could rub my arm for some of it but that might get weird so best not to. Know this, not stepping out guarantees more of whatever the same might be for you.

Ciao
D

The Journey

Why do we travel? There will be plenty of answers, as varied as the people that answer the question in the first place. To see things, to meet people, to get away from it all, to say we did something, social pressure, because we can, because we are gluttons for punishment? Sure...whatever works for you is fine of course.

As I've written here previously, while I haven't had the opportunity to travel as much as I would have liked, the latter part of my life will be certainly more full of the travel bug. In the past year I have been to Toronto, Montreal twice and I am now back from a huge trip to Croatia. And I'm already thinking of the next little get away. So, why do I travel and aspire to even more travel? Now that's a question I can answer.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. 
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. 
You take something with you. 

Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Anthony Bourdain

This quote from the late Monseigneur Bourdain does a good job of encapsulating certain thoughts I have around that question. I like to believe that being self aware is one of my strengths in life. I have no fear about holding a mirror up to my own self because a) I don't carry regrets and b) seeing those uncomfortable bits along with the good things in life are how we improve, how we learn, how we grow. So when I say that over the past five years I have done some real growth myself simply by opening my eyes and seeing I have come to believe that the journey, and not the destination itself, is the point of it all. I know, not really an original idea, but when you come to that realization on your own as opposed to regurgitating someone else's truth, it actually means something.

So I travel because I want those experiences during the journey that reinforces the idea that we all share this little blue dot. The late night bus ride from Dubrovnik to our Air BnB with the loutish middle age wannabe karaoke star. Swiping figs from the trees on our walks into town while passing young and old locals living their lives. The two brothers running their little hole in the wall, hot as hell, food shop; when queried by another customer what the sandwich came with, the response without looking up or facial expression of "mayonnaise" made me laugh and sent the other fellow back into the street scratching his head. It's not canned, there is no set rhythm because life isn't like that. One minute you're ready to leave your kid behind in Bosnia and the next you're sharing a laugh over a rustic pizza.

We saw beautiful sights, ate great food, swam in pristine crystal clear waters, my oldest daughter got engaged and we walked amongst history. We had a thousand encounters and than had some more. I want more. Short or long, I just want to keep moving. Doing stuff as opposed to having stuff. And the more I go the more I want to have those marks left on me while I leave my marks. Whatever those marks may look like in the end I know that the journey will be something to remember.

Ciao

D