Scales

And what exactly does the measure of man use as a yardstick? How do we rectify all the complexities that we all own at the end of the road? Deep thoughts for a Sunday morning as I sip my java, do a little food prep and listen to the latest Spotify algorithm just for me.

This stems from John McCain passing away yesterday of course and the almost instant plethora of tributes, denunciations and online vitriol on all sides. The man died, chill out people. Show something that your parents should have instilled in you...respect. Think Aretha Franklin if you need a reminder. Anyway, this deluge got me to thinking about how no matter who you are you will have those that like you and those that dislike you. It is simply human nature. Nobody is universally loved.

So how will we think of Mr McCain in years to come? Will there always be an asterisk by his name for this thing or that? Sadly, yes. We can't just say that the man had complexities? As we all do. In the grand scheme of life, for me, the balance for McCain is more positive than negative. Whether you agreed with him politically he subscribed to the creed of public service. He served in the military, was a prisoner of war at the infamous Hanoi Hilton for five years and upon returning home he dedicated his life to serving the public as an elected representative. Ran for president a few times and never won but continued to serve. Made some political, legal and ethical gaffs along the way but still he worked hard for what he perceived his greatest duty, the people of the United States. May in rest in peace.

But that won't be it. We don't let people rest in peace anymore do we? Case in point, Mackenzie King; respected as a thoughtful, somber and serious man that led Canada longer than any other prime minister. Through World War Two no less, he also was serviced by prostitutes and spoke to ghosts according to a biography based on his own memoirs. Does all that change how we night view him? When you heard that John Lennon had a history of domestic abuse how did you feel? For someone to seek out and proclaim that love was the answer to the ills of the world how could he be a douche like that? I lost some respect for him when I heard that but in the end the overall image of him is still more positive than negative...hate the sin, not the sinner someone once said.

The Egyptian Goddess Maat was the goddess of truth, justice and balance, not to mention harmony, order and morality. Maybe deities of different stripes can pass judgement if that's the kind of thing you want or need to believe in, personally I use my own yardstick. Was that person decent? Do I trust them? Would I trust them with others that I love? Of course there are levels that corespond with how much you really can know someone but it's as good a place to start as I can think of. If the hairs on my neck stay put we're off to a good start.

We all carry imperfections around with us like so many loonies in our pockets. Most of us are not inherently bad or evil people but we are all complicated and messy. While I will never face the scrutiny that someone like McCain or Lennon have and will continue to face I take solace in the simple fact that most days I can look myself in the mirror and like what stares back. Imperfections and all we should all give ourselves a bit of a break and look to the good stuff a little more.

Ciao
D

POF and Methuselah

The world of online dating, or even dating in general, in your 40's can, at best, be described as simply crazy, at worse...THUNDERDOME!!! The running joke for someone considering getting divorced is to let them hang out on POF or Tinder for a week and that would scare them straight. Of course that's not true for all and it leaves out the context surrounding said decision. But there is something to be said for the general sense of dread when jumping into that pond...it can be ugly.

Having said that I stand before you as proof positive that it can and does actually work. I met my one and only and I know others that have as well. I am happy to leave that world behind of course but I have to be honest, I am thankful I had my time there. The experiences I had and the people I met have led me to where I am today, I always knew I would meet her and fall madly in love, it just simply took time to get there. And so it can for everyone.

For certain I feel blessed to be 50, alive and happy at the same time. I know it's not the same for everyone as we all have shit to deal with. The severity of it all depends on circumstances and perspective, fortunately at the moment both of these are positive for me, so I'll take that scenario any day and twice on Sundays.

So what's my point? How to avoid mid-life crisis? Dating advice? Relationship classes? Laughable as they all are and fodder for all sorts of nonsense, I think my point is perspective itself. Our lives are coloured by all manner of flotsam and jetsam that we pass through. Good times, bad times and everything in between; going from diapers to prom dresses in the snap of a finger and than you have to grow up and be adulty. WTF is that all about? And now after 30 plus years of that you've got the last half of your life to live. You've won some, lost some and yet there is more to come. How we view all that has happened and look at what will happen is what, in the end, we will be most influenced by. Choose wisely I say.

Be it dating or work or any number of life experiences, how we go into the thing matters. Despite the nature of online dating I looked at it as a way to say hello without having to walk up to someone in the flesh. And when we did meet I genuinely walked in thinking, OK, maybe this will be the last time I have to do this. She could be the one. Regardless, the overwhelming majority of these encounters were positive and from them I have gained friendship and treasured experiences...see, perspective matters. If you go in negative or resigned to a position of barely veiled apathy, chances are you won't find a good result.

One of the oldest living things on earth is a tree named Methuselah in California. A Bristlecone Pine high up in the mountains past Death Valley. Maybe not the most inhospitable place on earth but certainly up there, and yet there stands a tree older than the pyramids...just living out life. That tree could provide perspective for us all. Weathering time and the elements this tree stands as a testament to resilience. Given the time to feel the passage of ages one would, hopefully, be in awe of the tree simply being. Bravo tree. Only God knows if the tree has already passed midlife crisis time or is simply getting warmed up. Given the choice, I would choose the latter as my prism to look to the future with.

So what does it take? My answer would be nothing more than being vulnerable and not afraid. Simple right? The thing is, you got to find that within you and in your own way. My rose coloured glasses fit me and me only...you could rub my arm for some of it but that might get weird so best not to. Know this, not stepping out guarantees more of whatever the same might be for you.

Ciao
D

The Journey

Why do we travel? There will be plenty of answers, as varied as the people that answer the question in the first place. To see things, to meet people, to get away from it all, to say we did something, social pressure, because we can, because we are gluttons for punishment? Sure...whatever works for you is fine of course.

As I've written here previously, while I haven't had the opportunity to travel as much as I would have liked, the latter part of my life will be certainly more full of the travel bug. In the past year I have been to Toronto, Montreal twice and I am now back from a huge trip to Croatia. And I'm already thinking of the next little get away. So, why do I travel and aspire to even more travel? Now that's a question I can answer.

“Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s okay. The journey changes you; it should change you. 
It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. 
You take something with you. 

Hopefully, you leave something good behind.”

Anthony Bourdain

This quote from the late Monseigneur Bourdain does a good job of encapsulating certain thoughts I have around that question. I like to believe that being self aware is one of my strengths in life. I have no fear about holding a mirror up to my own self because a) I don't carry regrets and b) seeing those uncomfortable bits along with the good things in life are how we improve, how we learn, how we grow. So when I say that over the past five years I have done some real growth myself simply by opening my eyes and seeing I have come to believe that the journey, and not the destination itself, is the point of it all. I know, not really an original idea, but when you come to that realization on your own as opposed to regurgitating someone else's truth, it actually means something.

So I travel because I want those experiences during the journey that reinforces the idea that we all share this little blue dot. The late night bus ride from Dubrovnik to our Air BnB with the loutish middle age wannabe karaoke star. Swiping figs from the trees on our walks into town while passing young and old locals living their lives. The two brothers running their little hole in the wall, hot as hell, food shop; when queried by another customer what the sandwich came with, the response without looking up or facial expression of "mayonnaise" made me laugh and sent the other fellow back into the street scratching his head. It's not canned, there is no set rhythm because life isn't like that. One minute you're ready to leave your kid behind in Bosnia and the next you're sharing a laugh over a rustic pizza.

We saw beautiful sights, ate great food, swam in pristine crystal clear waters, my oldest daughter got engaged and we walked amongst history. We had a thousand encounters and than had some more. I want more. Short or long, I just want to keep moving. Doing stuff as opposed to having stuff. And the more I go the more I want to have those marks left on me while I leave my marks. Whatever those marks may look like in the end I know that the journey will be something to remember.

Ciao

D

Che

Listening to the CBC the other day I heard an interview with Ernesto Guevara's younger brother, Juan. A set piece to be sure but an interesting one none the less, with a couple of tid bits that caught my attention and thus this little post on this humid Sunday afternoon.

The image of Che is both as complicated and ubiquitous as just about any other in the modern day. I suppose when you live your life out loud as he did you will make your fair share of supporters and enemies, people will love you or they will fear you, and as we know, fear will make people do some awful things. His face is plastered around the world supporting the oppressed and down trodden while also selling t-shirts and promoting Cuban tourism. Proving once more that an image can be a powerful tool for who ever wants to pursue a message.

I'd recommend reading his story through his own writings, there are plenty of samples and books out there should you choose to. He was as complicated as you would guess, a doctor that killed, a restless revolutionary figure that truly desired better for the voiceless and master manipulator that knew the power of passion and conviction. That image above is the most recognizable part of his story and his life, obviously there is much more.

But I'm not here to do a history lesson. Something that his brother said caught my attention. Talking about his older brother and the mythic proportions he has reached...

“fight this myth and give back to my brother his human face … Ernesto was a man. We need to pull him down off his pedestal … He would have hated being turned into an idol … 

It is important to understand that he began as a normal, even ordinary person, 

who became an exceptional person who others can emulate.”

Whether you think him as a dangerous figure fomenting sedition or a romantic handsome hero fighting for the people, or somewhere in the middle of it all, he represents a complicated relationship with the world, but he was simply a man at the heart of it all. He had a family, he had dreams, he had doubts and he had fears. Just like us. And he was more than what we may think of him or even know of him, just like us.

Who the hell knows with any certainty what he would have thought about how his life has been portrayed since his death in the jungles of Bolivia. Like so many pundits there are a thousand opinions out there and everyone can be right and wrong at the same time, me thinks we spend too much time on that kind of question instead of what was really important. Like the nonsense surrounding Drumph, we have people on all sides flapping all kinds of gums in an effort to either curry favour or rally the troops. What gets lost in the noise are the very real issues that are around us as plain as day to see. Much like the abject poverty and hopelessness that Che saw on his ride through the Americas south and how he became radicalized as a result, we need to see what has been  happening for a very long time but now seems so much more prevalent because of our interconnected world. We're not very nice to each other and often not to ourselves. And sometimes I think we can't see it for the same reason that fish can't see water, we're in it.

Messy and uber complicated, Che did something for what he believed in. Whether you agree with his methods or not you can't deny his passion in pursuing his beliefs, he died from them in the end. So as a man and not a symbol his brother believes he is worthy of emulation, and in some ways so do I.

Ciao
D

Yes Professor

It's funny what you can remember. Years after the fact, picking up some tid bit of knowledge or insight from an event, a song lyric, a passage in a book. This morning I'm thinking of a book that I had picked up in the airport when traveling to Europe way back when. A long plane ride ahead I chose a spy thriller set during World War Two. I remember it being a good page turner with plausible intrigue and colourful characters. I won't spoil it for you but there is one scene that got me thinking in different terms last night as I tried to fall asleep.

Our hero David is breaking into the German embassy in Sweden and long story short he is faced with a floor in front of him riddled with sensors that will detect a change in weight should even a cat run across the floor. Don't think sensors as we think of them now, these were as described, spring loaded cones that would vibrate should enough force be applied to the floor above them. The vibration would complete an electrical connection and BAM....Gestapo at your feet.

So how did our protagonist overcome the seemingly impossible obstacle? This guy was an average kind of guy so no spider webs, no teleportation, no flying through the air. He remembered what a long dead violin professor had taught him years ago. Play to the center young man. There is more give in the strings when you move away from the bridge. So he reasoned, accurately, that by staying as close to the wall the floor boards would give less flex and thus spare him from an uncomfortable interview with a goose stepping Nazi.

Our boy succeeded in stealing what he went to steal and the story continued on. And 30 plus years later I'm thinking of that advice. Play to the center. I think a lot of us do, at work, in life, in love. It just seems safe there. You're not looking for attention, you're not looking to be singled out and maybe you've got a sense of happiness that comes from that middle road.

We hide in the crowd while people clearly not in the middle hurl rocks and obscenities and false claims in pursuit of what they are pushing for. Be it the right or the left, religious or atheist, north or south...there are always sides to be chosen. Human nature some would argue but in our case, as reasoning bipeds, we have free will, 24 hour cable crap and no lack of opinions held by all sorts of people to try and convince us that they are right.

I like to think that my point of view and response to the madness out there is fair and balanced and articulated from the left, but clearly, from the perspective of an ultra right evangelical, I am dangerous and thus need to be silenced. Scary in its own way to be sure, maybe more so by the fact that there are so many of them. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and play to the center. Except that only works in times of "peace", not when we are quite literally in a war with facts, dignity and humanity. At this point we have to choose sides, we need to stand up.

When it comes to love, and I've said this a few times, you have to be willing to be vulnerable to whatever comes your way. There is no center here, not for a truly inspiring and deep love the kind most of wish to have. Here we need to stand up for ourselves as much as anywhere else because our desire to be understood, seen and valued is at the very core of what true happiness can be.

Not the easiest thing to do. Comfort, out right apathy, fear and aggressive response will kick you in the stomach at every turn. Turning the tide takes time, perseverance and not a little bit of faith, quite a lot actually. Think of what Gandhi faced? The odds were stacked high against him but he gave us this:

"In a gentle way, you can shake the world"

Perhaps playing the hard notes brings a few more fence sitters to your side as the ones on the other side continue their barrage. By playing those hard notes we open ourselves up to the possibilities of love. Or maybe you get a shoe to the head. Either way, stay the course. If you truly believe in what you have to say, say it. Take your voice and your gifts and lead, allow time and perseverance to help you out. Don't let fear rule.

Ciao
D

Shine a Light

Ah, a season of milestones have come and gone. My oldest daughter graduated from Dalhousie and my youngest graduated from high school. Both of them have many years ahead of them to hit the books in pursuit of higher education, but today serves as a chance to look around and take in the show. Proud and reflective are the two emotions running through the noise of the day. And looking to tomorrow.

Facebook posts abound with friends and family celebrating the same things in their worlds, the spring right of passage as we move through the seasons and our lives. Watching our kids and the kids of our loved ones grow up right before our eyes. What will tomorrow bring?

The Light That Failed is the title of a book by Kipling that I have never read so this won't be a book review, sorry to disappoint. I bring it up because I am a fan of elegant verse that can mean so much to so many, and this one title has been knocking around for a little while in my melon head. I'm not sure why but I suspect that the words strike somewhere deep for me.

As parents most would agree our biggest fears revolve around our kids safety and happiness. Nurture and nature come to the fore ground as we wish "success" for our babies. What that success looks like is less about stuff and more about the heart. Life is messy at the best of times but if we spend a little time ensuring our hearts are taken care of then those messy bits will, hopefully, be more manageable, not as over bearing as they can sometimes be.

I wonder what the future holds for my three little birds not only in a personal way for them but in the greater world at large. Sometimes it does feel like we are at a cross roads of sorts lately. The orange idiot is doing more harm then most of us could have foreseen and every new day something else happens to darken the horizon a bit with him and people like him at the reigns of power. I'm not going to get into a diatribe about all that now as there might be one or two minor posts about all that already and there may be one more or so in the future. This is about staying in the light.

We all have choices to make in our lives and my hope is that my kids and all of us around them are making choices that are beneficial for all of us, not just a few or for one alone. In this season of prom dresses and grad pictures there is always great hope mixed with terror at what tomorrow brings. For all of us. Taking either baby steps or grand leaps into the future one should know that the only thing that is certain is that the future is coming, the world is spinning on its axis and it ain't gonna stop.

I am both filled with hope and not a little bit of fear for what tomorrow brings. I'm not fearful for myself but for all of us together. But when I hear of the amazing things that people can accomplish, that humanity, sacrifice and love are still the norm I have to believe in the better angels to finally shut down the devils that seem to never sleep.  The good things are often drowned out and simply not broadcast as much because lets face it, if it bleeds it leads, which means we have to work harder and smarter to ensure that the light doesn't fail.

What will tomorrow bring? I don't know. My hope is for more love and laughter and a shift to a gentler version of the world. Fighting everyday to keep that light from failing because darkness is no place for anyone to live a life in.


Bonne chance mes amours

D

Dear Fuckheads 2.0

I feel like a little explosion of aimed vitriol is in order today. And you won't even need to guess at whom. Please excuse me while I lose my shit for a moment or two.

You orange fuck face! You douche canoe of the highest order. I don't even know where to start, what douchey thing matters the most? You, as dotard in chief, have muddied the world of just about everything that you aim your stupid fuck face at. Trade, immigration, international relations, the gun debate, the health and welfare of your people, truth, justice, sanity and everything in-between. You sir have managed to normalise and thus desensitise the world to your bat shit crazy proclamations, antics and twitter rants. By sucking the oxygen out of the world you have changed the environment. Between you and those laughable congressional sycophants "fucked up" doesn't go far enough in describing the world that is around you.

I suppose if you ask any of the the hundreds of families that have children locked up in converted Wal Mart's and quasi concentration camps they would definitely say that their plight needed the most attention. The image of a mural of Drumphs face, the American flag and the saying "sometimes by losing a battle you find a new way to win the war" in one of these facilities is simply chilling to me. "Arbeit Macht Frei" (work will set you free) at the entrance of Auschwitz comes to mind. Or the old Soviet posters from the cold war era proclaiming the glory of the state and triumph of the worker. How is this possible? How can a country founded on the principles contained within their constitution, strengthened by generations of welcoming the world and being a beacon of freedom turn into this fucking mess? When you use the bible to try and justify your actions you are no better, excuse me, you are exactly like the Taliban and their ilk.

If you ask nations that have been allies and trading partners to that train wreck of a country on our border then you would get a whole new set of answers when it comes to incomprehensible trade policies and foreign relations. Canada is a security risk now? Really? We burned down the white house? That stupid Cheeto actually stood there and said that trade wars were easy to win. I know, I can't help but laugh either. They are not you ignorant piece of shit, they cause collateral damage that is next to impossible to quantify and if I was a betting man somehow you and your pals will come out just fine. Instead you cosy up to the likes of Kim Jong Un, Rodrigo Duterte and your pen pal Putin while casting shadows on your traditional allies and strongest trading partners. You don't run foreign policy like a dry run of your insipid show The Apprentice you dumb ass.

Your constant lies and attacks on the free media are simply Hitler's regurgitated and extruded spam like shit. Your lies are making the world an uglier place and unfortunately for the half of your country that doesn't support you America is being dragged down further than anyone thought possible. How sad a commentary is it to say "God I miss W".

What really is the icing on the cake, or in this case the ring around the latrine is the way so called Republicans follow you blindly down that shit strewn garden path you have imagined. I can't fathom how anyone can look in the mirror and lock eyes with the reflection in front of them...shame on you all. If you actually believe and support the shit he spews then you are without a doubt an idiot and a racist. If you are going along because you want to bask in the reflected orange glow then you are simply a piece of shit. End of story.

I admit I have grown weary of the gas lighting and constant barrage of lies and more lies. The brain can take only so much of this. But then I remembered that what these twits want is for you to lose interest, shake your head in disbelief and change the channel. This way they can simply do more of the same without anyone paying to close attention. And I remember this quote from Edmund Burke:

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

That is everyone. You, me and them. We let this fuck wad win again with his blithering band of supporters and he will be scraping the faces off of Mount Rushmore and replacing them with his head. How he plans to colour that monument is beyond me but you get the sense that he would do it and open up a golf course nearby serving the best chocolate cake ever.

No, I'm afraid we need to turn up the volume and speak the truth about all the ism's this ass hat represents. So join me in a resounding "Fuck Trump!!!"