Betrayal

This past, somewhat long, weekend provided opportunity for us to binge watch some Netflix...the we being the kids and I. And what did we watch? In between episodes of The Newsroom, please genuflect when you say that, we watched a bunch of How I Met Your Mother...like Friends, a guilty pleasure. A funny show devoted to the search for the one, getting laid, growing up and the Bro Code. The Bro Code you ask? Yes, the unwritten laws that govern male relationships...sometimes known as the Dude Law, and what should be known as The Don't be a Dick Theorem. As an aside my kids have pointed out that I'm a lot like Ted in the show...stupid stories and bone headed romantic misadventures...what? Stories? Me?

Let us delve deeper into that code as I relate a story of betrayal as the summer of 1987 and my life as high school student came to an end. The summer ending party that I related in ROOI talked of our band playing our swan song show...as a tribute to our friends and really as a farewell to our youth. A fun drunken night save for this story, which in hind sight should have ruined a lot of things but instead was a footnote ending to my high school years.

My place in the band as the bassist was, as I have related, nothing more than me being included in the fun. Ironically, at the close of that summer, I was the only person in the band from when it was started...the lineup having changed a number of times due to arranged marriages, the never ending search for lead singers and drummers, a separate breed unto themselves. Not that it matters a bit as almost all of us looked at this as a diversion, something to do and something to help in the meeting of girls. Nothing more....except for Locked in the Closet Danny. For some context read Losing It

And now you know a little of the back ground....let us continue.

Now, I'm the first to admit that I had no idea what I was doing when playing bass for the band...never thought myself a bassist other than the fact that I had the four string instrument and an amp. My parts were taught to me with a lot of help from Danny and Dom, they being the real musicians. We had some fun playing together in that brief window of time in our lives. Most of us had no illusions of anything more than meeting girls playing that last party, so it came as quite the shock when there was a plot revealed to remove me from the band and have me replaced by an actual bassist. And it was revealed to me by chance on the night of that party...by the way told you I was naive.

As I recall, this bassist named Chris came with another friend of ours to the party. That friend, Steve, worked with Chris and Steve had cryptically said to me, at some point earlier in the summer, along the lines of watch out for so called friends. At the party was when I met Chris but supposedly he had met Danny previously and whether that was when this plot was hatched or not I don't know. I didn't think anything of it as I was more interested in playing our set and getting on with the important stuff....drinking and girls. The night was legendary for the amount of alcohol consumed and the small junk yard of scrap being dumped in with the tomatoes...it was just fun. We played our set and than commenced to have some fun....around 11:00 I drove the girl I was dating home. We hung out for a few hours at her place so it wasn't until 2:00 or so in the morning when I strolled back into Dennis' house to commence my partying.

Lo and behold there was Danny and Dom and Chris huddled together and like deer in headlights they reacted by running off in other directions when I proclaimed my desire for many beer while walking in the front door. I don't think you could look any more guilty by leaping away from each other as they did. Instantly my spidey sense was tingling but honestly I was more interested in getting on with the buisness of drinking. I came to find out later that Dom wasn't really interested in doing anything with the band if it didn't include me and was kept as is, meaning a diversion as opposed to devoting our lives to music...for us it was some fun, nothing more. Danny, it seemed, thought that we could go places and to do so a real musician was needed to play my part...I wouldn't argue that point at all. Dom and Danny were very good and I was not. And if it was brought to me in that way, sure a bit of hurt feelings would have ensued but that would have been it...who am I to stand in your way of super stardom. But the code was broken. You don't do that shit, ever. And I'll tell you folks...when I found out after the fact I was pretty pissed....in the end it was the beginning of the long slow decline of our friendship. To have a back stabbing incident on top of the past years nonsense between Connie and Danny, well...fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

Despite the obvious uncomfortable air about the party now, I went on my merry way and pickled my liver for the rest of the morning. I pretended I saw nothing and acted in accordance...let them sneak away and continue the plot, I had beer to consume. Some time later on the news was dropped by Connie, as I recall, that I was being replaced by Chris...sure, thanks. Yeah, I'm OK, no worries man. What would you have me do? Launch a lawsuit to keep control of what? Sulk in the corner? Sorry, I don't do that...ever. So, from time to time there was awkwardness to deal with as we would all get together for drinks and Chris would be there but that was all.

The elephant in the room was the betrayal as opposed to not being in the band anymore. You don't break that sacred bond between dudes for your own betterment or advancement. It had half happened with the whole mess surrounding Connie, but as I was pulled into the fracas by one of the participants and of my own misguided free will participation, I couldn't hold that against him...save the fact that he wasn't up front with me...oh wait, just like this time. Hmmmmmmm, I see a pattern emerging. The fact that our friendship meant so little to Danny was what really bothered me...the previous three or four years of high school life was built around our friendship first and foremost. There was always us, until there was no longer just us. As the fall turned to winter and we began seeing each other less and less due to school and other nonsense our paths were set on different courses. The band, such as it was, never played any shows and disbanded not long after...less because of my departure and more because it was never meant to be the thing for us...Dom, Ivan and Flip knew it, I knew it...Danny had other thoughts in his head. But sadly the damage was done and when you break the code you have to live with the repercussions...the nature of our friendship was forever changed. Sure we hung out some over the next few years but our paths were moving away from each other, like a too long married couple that didn't really fit together in the first place, the slow inevitable decline was in progress. Made worse by the code being broken.

Are we friends today? No. I have been to Toronto many times over the years and have met up with Dom and other friends almost every time I have visited. Plans would be made by Dom and Danny would always back out or simply not show. There was one time many years ago that we did meet up with a bunch of the gang...we shared drinks and memories at our favourite bar but most of our lives were far too different to try and forge more than a few emails and Facebook posts....such is life I guess. Earlier this summer, at Danny's urging we were going to meet up while I was visiting...I had a few hopes since it was his idea, but the not unexpected last minute cancellation came and I was not surprised. Dom and I both realize that Danny has his own life and our part in it is over. That's fine...I won't be bothering to try again. I wish it wasn't the case but there you have it.

And there you have another somewhat painful moment from my distant past. A few more weaves that formed the tapestry of my life to that point. Without us noticing, those strands change us, they give us context and experience, so much so that we ultimately change the hanging art work into something else entirely. While I like to think of myself as essentially the same person as I was in grade 13 with the same passions and outlook, I am with out a doubt different. Passionate about different things, my outlook is viewed from the prism of my 48 year old life. A life of experiences, both good and bad, are of course going to give me a different perspective. It would be impossible to have an un-nuanced life if we are being truthful with ourselves and open, truly open. Where will it take me? How will it end up? I have no clue...and that's kind of exciting to ponder.

Ciao
D