This time of year it seems people are either airing their children's achievements in their yearly "update" letter or airing their grievances a la Festivus. For the record, I never liked those letters. Certainly not sending them out, they weren't my idea but invariably I was the one that ended up polishing them before they were sent out. It simply felt too much like bragging for me...my kids did these awesome things and my kids did those awesome things. You see, we never strutted growing up...my parents were proud of us to a fault but we were taught to keep our mouths shut. So this exercise in flag waving always seemed too extreme for me.
Having said that, there was some value to reflecting on the year that passed...much like many of us are now doing as 2016 winds down. With the inevitable march towards the new year, let me add my voice to the chants of "fuck 2016". I'll be glad to see this year go, both personally and on a broader scope...this blog basically exists because of my own personal crap that started nearly a year ago and dominated a big part of the year for me...health wise at least. You can read about some of it right here...knock yourself out.
I think it's easy to lump the year together and say it sucked ass...I know I feel that way some days. The grim reaper taking legends from us, the strife and abject destruction in Syria and elsewhere, the refugee crisis, daily reports of mass killings and to top it all off the election of the orange clown Drumph. That's a tiny snippet of the broader picture and sure it does look like we had a bleak year, but like in all things, perspective is part of the bigger picture. All around us there was life and beauty, laughter and love...yes, I'm the half glass being full guy, no surprise there is it?
I like that graphic that floats around every once in awhile showing a persons business success trajectory....what some people see as a straight line of an upwards trajectory of someone they know or admire. Reality is something else entirely, a squiggle of epic proportions, ups and downs in constant battle but always moving towards that higher goal. Our lives are like that. Looking back on 2016....I'm not sure how my head is still attached to my body, what with the head spinning and the back and forth that the year was.
It started with a cancer diagnosis and ends with my father in the hospital. How's that for bookends to a year, mortality faced in a very personal way. Stay tuned to how it all comes out. In between I've had kidney stones as a running joke, and by joke I mean excruciating pain. I've lost sight in my eye as a result of the treatment for the cancer. I've loved and lost in my romantic life. Family and friends have gone and continue to go through their own personal crap yard as well as their triumphs
Fuck you 2016! I know, a simplistic response, but seriously...leave us alone, haven't you done enough this year? I'm not saying it was all bad but it just seems that the over arching sentiment, for a lot of people I know, is that this past year was less than stellar...too much negative, too much uncertainty and too much orange. What bothers me is that the things that have contributed to that sense of negative are things outside of my control...I'm reduced to reacting and sometimes I reacted negatively. While it can be explained away and even justified I still don't like it. I made a pact with myself after my separation that I would be me again, and mostly I have been...save for the past few months when flashes of gloom would appear.
I'm turning a page though, after realizing that I was the one having a problem with my responses, I needed to refocus a bit. While I am still very worried about my dad it is something that will have to be dealt with...I know that's the exact way he would move forward. Cracking bad jokes and laughing in the face of his own mere mortal existence is exactly the way I would react so I know I'm on the right track. Bring on 2017!
To all my family and friends, too numerous to list, I feel like you already know how I feel about you, and at the risk of sounding too sentimental, you are truly treasured by me. I find my strength and my soul within you all. In your own little ways you are a part of who I am.
I love you all.
Happy whatever you want to insert here. Be safe, be merry and above all else be happy.
Ciao
D
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