Since my decision to leave my marriage behind and enter the crazy world of dating in your 40's I have, for the most part, been completely blown away and amazed. I have met wonderful women from all kinds of backgrounds and life experiences. And today I felt compelled to write a few things down about them. This isn't a reflection on individual women or a history of my love life so nobody need worry if you're reading this...I only hope I can capture what is going through my mind right now.
Last week I saw Slut! The Play with my youngest daughter. Topics that are hard to think of as a father and even harder to deal with if you're a women. It was quietly powerful and to be honest I vacillated between anger and shame for being a male. Because I may, by association, be lumped together with the douche canoes out there that, as a friend of mine had eloquently encapsulated, were either too casual with emotions or downright hurtful. Physically and emotionally. Of course, to me, I think of my daughters and other daughters out there that have to put up with a society that has simply treated them like shit. While immense strides have been made over the years there is still so much to do...and that's coming from a guy who knows very little. Talking to the women I know I feel like naive doesn't go far enough for me.
A friend of mine, while talking about this very subject, commented that she felt blessed that she hadn't been sexually assaulted. Think about that for a moment will you. Maybe longer than a moment. She's lucky she hasn't been assaulted. How fucked up is the world that this would even be a thought? What's the equivalent for a man? "I feel blessed that I wasn't kidnapped, dangled from a speeding bus and then killed after having my balls fed to me."
I literally could go on for hours on this kind of tangent. I'm fortunate that women I have known feel comfortable in sharing with me. That, despite my failings and the fact that I am a man, they feel secure enough to confide in me. The stories I have heard are sometimes too painful to even contemplate. But at the end of the day what I have found are some of the most amazing souls out there. Through the pain there is hope, passion, intelligence, limitless love and strength. I am in awe sometimes.
Everyone has their own way of dealing with life's garbage and unexpected turns, some do better than others at coming to grips with the minutes that turn to memories but from afar I see, very clearly, the spirit that carries them forward.
“You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem,
smarter than you think, and loved more than you know.”
I can't think of anything that is a more appropriate message to pass along to everyone in the world but especially to these women. One would need to look no further than a mirror to see the courage and strength coupled with vulnerability that simply scratches the surface of complexity that a woman is.
I really do feel like I am a better person for knowing so many of you. You have taught me valuable lessons and helped me to grow as a man. On different levels and in my own way I love you all. You know where to find me if you ever need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to chew.
Ciao
D
Beautiful
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