I used to like watching the original Law and Order series when I was younger, it was entertaining in a not difficult way to understand and it had some great actors in it, Sam Waterston, Jerry Orbach and Paul Sorvino were great "old school" cops and prosecutors that acted as the moral authority of New York City. And failing that they could punch you in the mouth until you saw things their way. Often paired with young idealistic partners that acted as foils against the old fucks. Like I said, entertaining when I was in my late teens and early twenties.
There was one episode that I remember sticking with me that revolved around a convicted criminal getting his comeuppance with an injection in front of witnesses. And the episode tracked how different characters were affected after being part of the termination of a another human. How they reacted and in particular the ways that I'm sure they never would have expected. Body counts are difficult things to measure.
I always thought it was a really strange thing to want to do, witness an execution. Why would anyone want to sit through the death of another human being. A witness to death. I suppose a family member seeing that justice was done might make sense, but I'm not sure it does. How does more death bring closure? More importantly, how does witnessing that not affect you? We never know what the body count truly is do we?
I say this because we seem to be surrounded by an extra dose of death lately with Las Vegas, the remnants of hurricanes ripping apart entire cities and small countries, the continued massacres going on in far off places that never seem to get the same kind of attention that ones closer to home do. We will wring our hands over gun control and the Drumph response to natural disasters, the world will politicize it all and we will be no closer to offering a sane answer. There is more than one way to count bodies in this world of ours.
And then someone died here at work yesterday, a long time guest that would be in his place at the bar regardless of weather...you knew he was coming in. Passing away suddenly at his favourite haunt sipping his Pepsi and eating his grilled cheese...he was dead before he hit the floor. He was 93 years old.
I think about what kind of life he must have led. I spoke to him a few times over the past few years but only in passing, I truly knew nothing about him. What was his story? What was he most proud of? Did he have regrets? Did he know love? And I'm now thinking of the people that watched this happen, that knew him better than I. How each different person reacts to such a thing, some stoic and reserved, others breaking down because there isn't anything else for them to do and others still that react with sombre resignation. Moments after the medics stopped trying to bring him back, texts between staff were flying around to let each other know. It warmed my heart a bit to see that people cared enough about their friends at work that they would let them know of this tragedy...there was genuine concern and camaraderie between teammates. I guess that is something to hang on to. I truly hope they are going to be OK. We never know what the body count truly is.
Everyday we are reminded of the fragility of life itself. Steel trumps bone and muscle almost always, the heart only has so much to give before giving up. Our will can be strong but there are limits to what we can will our way out of. I have said this before, I have been lucky to have had little to deal with when it comes to the death of someone close, I really don't know how it will go when it does happen but perhaps, just perhaps, I will take strength from the good things that I know about that person. For now that will have to be enough...tomorrow will be here soon enough and for some things I have no desire for the passing of time to move any quicker.
On a day like today I take refuge in music...different tunes from U2 to Leonard Cohen. Uplifting and sad, thought provoking and numbing at the same time...we will never truly know the body count.
Hug your kids
Ciao
D
No comments:
Post a Comment