Words

Earlier this year when looking around for someone to do my tattoo I ended up in a recommended parlour speaking with a rather large heavily tattooed bearded guy about my idea. I wanted "no dress rehearsal, this is our life" as my first and maybe only tattoo. I didn't care for his response. He suggested that I should think of those lyrics and what they mean to me and come up with a visual that represents what that may be. At first I thought, OK...let's see if that is something I can do, even enlisting a few people to brain storm ideas. It didn't take long for me to throw that idea out the window because in the end, the words matter...that was the whole purpose of my decision to permanently mark my body. For a few years I have thought about a tattoo but could never come up with something that made any sense to me, nothing that truly resonated with me, until on a first date with someone that has now become a close friend and she talked of her idea for a future tattoo, song lyrics that meant something to her. Of course! A quote makes complete sense...duh!!! Words matter.

Which leads me to something that I came across today, actually just a minute ago. It was that much of a thing that I sat down to write this immediately. The question is this: If every word you ever said showed up on your body would you be more careful with your words? My first thought, after the initial "hmmmm", was that that's a lot very small print, nobody would be able to read it without a good magnifying glass. And boy I do use the word fuck a lot. Truth is, my gut reaction is to say that no, I wouldn't...this is me, like it or leave it I am going to be honest and if it is uncomfortable for you, the reader, well stop reading. And that magnifying glass is burning my skin so get the fuck away from me. If anything comes from this blog, for me personally, is a reaffirmation of the idea that this is who I am...I like me and I have no regrets. But maybe not having regrets is not about being careful with my words. In other words, thinking before speaking.

I'll admit that on occasion I have spoken without thinking, maybe a few more times than I care to think about. OK, you wouldn't think I was that flexible to be able to put my size 13's in my mouth the way I do. But I do. To be honest I think that might be part of my charm, the "oh honey, you're so pretty" moments when the mouth simply out paces the brain. My own naivete coupled with my fast mouth make for some stupendously stupid comments from time to time.

The flip side of the coin is the idea that I say things that might be hurtful to the listener because I didn't fully appreciate what they might hear. Knowing your audience is good advice. It is a rare time that I say something to deliberately hurt someone, not that I don't have those thoughts, I do...plenty of them, but I don't often verbalise them to that person that my malice is meant for. Not anymore at least, one of the benefits of growing up a bit. But I have said hurtful things to people, I know I have. It doesn't matter if sometimes they were taken the wrong way, or I didn't articulate what I was trying to say or any other excuse that might be available, the end result Is that I have hurt people. I may not have meant to hurt you but I did, and for that I am sorry.

So maybe I would be a little more careful in the words I say if they ended up scrawled across my body, a permanent and visible embodiment of how my mind works and what comes from it. Not changing the essence of me but acknowledging that words matter, especially the ones that I whisper and scream.

Ciao
D