Askew

I'm not feeling myself the past few days, not in sync with myself is perhaps a good way to put it. And I don't like it; not one bit. I feel awkward as a mature human....I know, mature is not necessarily a word that comes to mind when thinking of me; but that's how it feels. And I told myself I was going to be honest no matter what, so this is me being honest...dig?

I'll tell you that normally I sit down to write, I type a title and begin the brain leakage that is this blog. Today I have nothing as a title and nothing is coming to me, save for fuck this crap. So, forewarned this will probably be senseless all around. Maybe I'll call is VD - verbal diarrhea....uhm, no. Perhaps not. But maybe....

The past few days and even into the week have been a roller coaster of feelings, both physical and emotional. The kidney stone debacle of June is not entirely over yet and I would bet dollars to donuts that it is playing a part in my askew nature these past days. Ha....askew!!!! Title, nailed it. Shit takes a toll doesn't it. I think for the first time in my life I am understanding, just a bit better, the enormous issue around chronic anything. To live with pain day in and day out takes a toll in so many aspects that I don't think it's easy to comprehend the enormity of the issue. Props to people that truly do make each day count while suffering through the myriad of things they have to deal with.

My son graduated high school on Monday and that has brought a few issues to the forefront. Not with him mind you, he rocked - winning multiple awards and most importantly, leaving with a good sense of himself and his surroundings. So proud of him.

I don't think I will get into specifics here but suffice to say that marriage and divorce are hard things...but do they need to be? I don't mind if something is hard to do, say navigate through life with your beloved. It's ok that it is hard, but maybe it could be a little easier, maybe everyone can take a step back and be honest in looking at the motivation behind actions. Again, I don't understand why some people do what they do...it seems beyond understanding. And see, here is me being out of sync...shockingly I don't know what to say here. Even if I ripped the filters off I don't think I can articulate what is is that I am trying to convey. In my mind's eye I see partial paths to where it is that I want to be....why can't I get there today? Fuck me!!!!

When people I love are feeling out of sync themselves it starts to affect me as well, naturally, and I know that's probably playing a part in my general malaise. I end up taking on their battles sometimes because I am the guy with the big shoulders and the decent listening skills. I want to help if I can. And when I can't...oh hello askew.

Maybe I'm tired. Scratch that, I am tired. That last paragraph took 15 minutes to write because I fell asleep at the keys. I'd like to think that a siesta would be the way to go for all of us but I am going to bed tired and waking up tired....back to health issues and too much on my mind. Right? Tell me that's what it is.

Perhaps a little cottage time with Scott to revel in our own world of excess is what is needed. A run to the lake with no motors, no people and no cares. Yep...except that won't happen until late July or August, too busy and going to Ontario with the kids soon. I'll need to pull this funk out without use of the cottage...get the funk out!!!!

So my apologies my loyal readers for boring you with my boring troubles at this time. I'll do my best to come back to 'normal' next time I write.

Ciao
D