"Chef, do you know where the bacon stretcher is?" Ahhhhhhh, my most recent hire is being put through his paces. Stifling a laugh with a well placed finger and a look that makes people think I am pondering deeply, I turn towards said young grasshopper and send him back upstairs to look for the bacon stretcher, as I was sure it was in the same place as the lobster gun. With an accurate description of exactly where the utensils were I sent him on his way. He returned a few minutes later, "Brian said it was down here Chef." Tell Brian I'm positive it is in the back beside the lobster gun and electric egg peeler, oh, and can you come back down with a bucket of steam please....hehehehe
I like a little anarchy. I like when people bend the rules and sometimes even when they break them. I have a soft spot for my team members that can push an envelope in the interest of entertainment and tom foolery. I suppose it reminds me of me; birds of a feather and all that jazz. Nothing too crazy of course and not if someone gets hurt in any way shape or form. Someone once thought it was a good idea to ridicule a servers sexual preference out loud and within ear shot of me. It was not pretty. I rarely get angry and I don't need to yell; this day I got angry and ran up and down this guy for five minutes. I was told after the fact that he cried. It was not my intention to make him cry but his performance and behaviour was sub par at best and this episode came at the end of my rope with him. I'm told I can be intimidating when I give the "look". Not sure what it looks like as I don't carry a mirror with me at all times, but I can see where it comes from. Thankfully I don't have to do it often, in fact it's been about 6 years since the last time...I might be due.
Our young recruit above made another trip downstairs to explain that Brian couldn't stop laughing and that he wanted to shake my hand for holding it together....uhm sure, but where is my bucket of steam? Priceless look on his face. It's a good day when you can have a little fun to pass the time away.
In over 30 years in this business you would be right in assuming that there are a lot of stories but thankfully only a few videos and photos. Thank God for that of course. Humour and music are the constants in most kitchens. Oh, and food too. I've watched a gaggle of cooks dance in unison behind the line to Twist and Shout. Dishwashers air guitar to Crazy Train and, well...it goes on and on. Right at this moment Sex is on Fire is playing away, which is a site better than the "new"country music that was playing earlier. It may be my kitchen but I let the team decide what's playing on the radio...I've been known to put CBC Radio One on, so it's best to let them have their way. And as I've said before, we have an uncanny ability to sexualize any song, interchanging lyrics for body parts and innuendo, it's almost a right of passage in itself, CBC doesn't offer as many opportunities for said vulgarity.
Another right of passage is getting people to eat things they really shouldn't without prior medical consultation. Wasabi ice cream anyone? Breaded cardboard passing for a schnitzel...seen it. Ghost pepper hot enough for you my young padawan? We do like to fool around, and my God how certain people can find illegal ways to obtain...anything really. Did you know if you put a steel in this opening and pull back a bit you can get into the liquor lock up? Did you know that the kegs are left tapped at the end of the shift? Oh yeah, cooks like to have free booze. Which usually works out well because the bartender wants free food. Like hand in glove a crooked bartender and a shifty line cook can cause havoc...HR issues always...haha
So between chopping flour, searching for lobster guns and getting tricked into eating a spoonful of wasabi; not getting paid very well, long hours and crazy working conditions; why do we do it? Easy, normal society wouldn't let us work in an office for fear of having ass pictures on your photocopier, which of course means there was a bare ass on your photocopier...ugh There is easy access to any vice you may have, because everyone knows a guy that knows a guy and easier acceptance for that vice. Tribe mentality comes into play here as we do tend to protect our own because we need every body we can get our hands on. Sous chef is comatose on his days off? As long as he shows up here at noon on Tuesday to take over things I don't care. I'll help him if he wants it but I need him at work, lest I end up on line making food....triple ugh.
This is a lead off to more stories in the days and weeks to come. Softening the ground so it doesn't seem as crazy as it is, even though it is absolutely that crazy.
Ciao
D
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