Think back. Way back to when you started your first job. A little nervous, maybe petrified and certainly green. And that greenness often translates to naivete and gullibility, willing to do anything asked of you, regardless of how stupid it may sound. That's where I come in, well, not just me of course, a whole crap load of people that simply cannot resist inflicting time honoured rites of passage for new and gullible employees.
It happened to me when I was starting out in the restaurant business and it happens to just about everyone. I don't want to know what new doctors are tricked into doing...shudder. My second shift as a dishwasher at the good old Golden Griddle pancake house was a night shift and it wasn't overly busy. I was asked to scrub potatoes; ok says I. Some burly looking cook told me to dump the potatoes in the sink, a little dish soap and scrub away. I know, soap. I got yelled at by another cook for being stupid, which I guess I was. Thankfully I learned quickly and I am almost certain I never fell victim to another prank....I think.
It will come as no surprise to anyone that knows me that I took this new found avenue of expression and made some good use of it. Myself and team members regularly joined in and started little escapades to see what we could get young newbies to do. New recruits were mildly tormented, visibly shaken and in some cases, chased by security. I must say that these days my role is that of facilitator as opposed to instigator or co-conspirator, if I come across such torment, I will play along. I never start it any more, I'm supposed to be the responsible adult guy now....hahaha
Without further delay, here is a small sampling of some of my favourite episodes, more to come later:
Back at the Griddle one Thursday night, bored and in need of entertainment I asked our newest recruit to chop some flour for zucchini batter. Oh, the more embellishment the better. Said recruit was instructed to dump 100 lbs of flour on to this mother of a wooden work table we had in the back prep area and to chop the flour fine. I went back to my station and waited. After a few minutes of rhythmic tapping of the knife, tap, tap, tap...I went back to enquire what he was doing. After a somewhat nervous reply I told him it would go quicker with two knives, like drum sticks. Back to the line, tap tap, tap tap, tap tap. Very good I thought. Until my boss walked in, shit I thought he was gone for the night. "What's that tapping noise?" he asks. Uhm, I don't know....hehehe He walks around the corner, the tapping stops...hehehe He came back around the corner, glared at me sardonically and headed back to his office, but before exiting through the swinging doors he turned and told me to make sure it was all cleaned up. Sure, right after he fine diced the flour.
The Golden Griddle I worked at was in the middle of an industrial park, surrounded by warehouses and factories. We had a large lot around us for parking, which we needed since we could do 500 people for breakfast on the weekend, which provided for a bit of fun on occasion. I must have had a string of boring nights because once again, I asked a dishwasher to go get us some toilet paper from the store room. Sure he says, where's that? Well, let me show you my friend. I led him to the back door and instructed him to go down the stairs, turn right around the building and the first door he came to would be the store room. "Isn't that kind of silly to have a store room outside?" Yep, but it leads to a basement area so there you have it. Oh, and bang on the door loudly, Dave is kind of deaf down there. Grab 6 rolls of toilet paper. This is the part I wish I could have actually seen....he rounded the corner, found the door exactly as I had described, and ignoring the fact that the basement door was up a set of stairs he pounded loudly on the door. Unfortunately for him, Dave didn't answer, the boss did...hehehehe. I really should have checked to see if the boss was still in the building. I would have paid money to see the look on their faces....as it was described to me, Pete throws open the door nearly flinging the young boy across the ground. "What the hell are you doing?" he yells...the response, "Are you Dave, I need toilet paper" Real money I would have paid, not just Canadian Tire money. Why I wasn't fired for my transgressions, of which there were many, I can only attribute to my bosses coke addled mind. He was a piece of work to be sure. Hell I could write an entire chapter on him and his girl friend...shudder
It can be said that my early episodes at the Golden Griddle can be forgiven as I was both young and stupid. Not to mention that I had no interest in this field at all. It was a job for me plain and simple. My later entrance into real cooking and culinary wonders came later. At this point I was more interested in subtlety than pageantry. Case in point: I was the sous chef at the Prince George Hotel here in Haligonian land. Working the line one night I was, as they say, on fire. I had sent off all the other cooks to help in banquets expecting my night to be slow. Not so much. It was a busy night, nothing I couldn't handle but simply a busy night. Now, I say, you should be judged by what you can do when you are in the middle of a rush. Can you practical joke when busy? Yep. Room service waiter came in doing nothing, I'm obviously busy, so this is when I ask him for the hammer by the piano. "What?" Pass me the hammer by the piano please. "What? Where?" Of course I am saying this quickly and slurring my words while gesticulating wildly. I point to no particular place, and repeat, the hammer by the piano, there..over there, the hammer by the piano. Searching frantically he is visibly confused....and I start to giggle....hehehe "Chef, I don't see.....the.....hammer....by the .....piano" Hehehehe He didn't throw anything at me but I think he wanted to.
An hour later my intrepid cooks come back to the main kitchen and one of them sees me being busy and asks if he can get anything for me. Yep, grab me a strawberry sundae quick. Rushing off with an appropriate yes chef I return to my work. In record time he returns and hands me the creation. I grab a spoon and start eating it, thanks man. Close your mouth buddy, flies and all.
I would bet money that more of these stories will come out. In fact, I was shocked with myself that they haven't come out sooner. I was out with a dear friend last night and one of these stories came up and I couldn't believe I hadn't shared them earlier.
So, in the end, find humour in everything I say. As long as it makes you laugh what else matters.
Life is grand my friends
Ciao
D
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