Hope

I had a myriad of topics running through my head this morning; my kidney stones treatment which induced a kidney stone which threw me in the hospital for a few hours. Fathers Day. The machismo of the kitchen world....well, you get the idea. Instead I give you this...

I watched The Shawshank Redemption the other night, for the umpteenth time. Truly a great movie that touches on hope so beautifully, so eloquently, dare I say perfectly. The scene where Andy plays the piece from Marriage of Figaro over the loud speakers is so uplifting for me. Coupled with Red's narration, the ability of music to lift you out of your seat....goose bumps, just saying. The ability to keep hope alive despite whatever may be thrown your way is a good way to be. As Andy put it, the best of things.

Now I could quote you a number of other examples of hope, hell I could play you the guitar piece called Hope by Alex Lifeson...as you may know, I'm fond of pulling out other people's work to make me look smarter than I am, but if you'll indulge me for a bit...I'll try to look smart on my own terms, grammar and sentence structure not withstanding of course.

To say that I have been put through the ringer a few times in my life would be an understatement. And I say this not for sympathy or to make it seem like I've had a bad life, on the contrary I think I'm leading a great life, just to say that I, like all of us, have had some trying times. Financially, personally and with health. Be it the B & B I used to have, the whole divorce process, the cancer thingy (Fuck Cancer!!!) or what have you, there have been times when I was definitely low on the happy meter. It's part of life of course and I really do see these times as learning and growth experiences. I generally take a "you do you and I'll do me" kind of attitude with the belief that Karma will take care of things in the long term. Stay in the light kind of thing, I may end up with my fair share of kicks to the teeth but I'm pretty sure I'm a better person for it.

Not that a little schadenfreude doesn't creep into my life from time to time. I can think of a few people I wouldn't mind seeing suffer for their actions, those what goes around comes around moments that maybe, just maybe means the universe is actually paying attention. Given the way things unfold sometimes you wonder if anyone is watching. That's a blog for another day.

So, back to these moments in my life where I was beaten down in one way or another. Without getting into specifics because this isn't about pointing fingers, I have almost always looked at what ever was happening and thought, ok...tomorrow will be better. The day after will be better, five years from now will be better. I believe they call that hope. And it's not some pie in the sky pray to the heavens kind of 'hope', it's the fundamental belief that really, things will be better. Through my own hard work or perseverance, the help of others, Karma or just the way it goes...I know it will be better. I knew I wasn't going to die from this eye cancer (Fuck Cancer!!!) just like I know that while I may be tight on funds now I will be better off tomorrow. I believe that. That's how my brain works and that is the one thing I would never change about me. Hope springs eternal....thought I would make it through without a quote did ya? Suckers

I like to believe in those better angels I have mentioned before. I want to believe that mostly people are good. But how people end up behaving is really nothing to do with me...I'm busy being me, and if that means a kick to the stomach every once in a while, so be it. I'll still be the one sipping wine and dreaming of things better to come. Living, loving and laughing.

"Get busy living or get busy dying...that's Goddamn right"