You go through life knowing that there are things in life that you are completely sure of like longitude and latitude, the sun rising and setting, people losing their limited ability to drive at the first dusting of snow. You expect these things, you know they will always be there, and like a well worn sweater you find comfort in the surety of it all. The original comfort zone if you will. That water is coming out of that tap hot, the kids won't speak to you all day until the second you get on the phone and the cat will pounce on your bladder at 5:15 in the morning on your only day to sleep in. I would imagine many of us take comfort in these certainties, and Christmas rituals may very well be one of our most prized of these.
Growing up as immigrants in Toronto, our Christmas and New Years rituals always seemed to be a work in progress. Maybe it was the creation of the hybrid Serbo/Croat/Canuck Christmas morning that we were in the midst of but it seems that every year was a little different from the year before. We moved a lot growing up so maybe we were reinventing things as we went along in the search for "our" traditions. Later on, when I met my ex new traditions were introduced to make her feel welcome. Stockings and turkey come to mind. Both things that we never really did. I ate, lamb and duck and pork at the holidays....not turkey. And I still don't get stockings so as of this Christmas I am starting a new tradition. It may only last this one year but it will be unique, as my kids would expect coming from me.
And there in lies my thing today. Driving back from the store on Christmas eve I listened to one radio announcer talk about what she cherished most at this time of year. Her family tree was decorated not with store bought ornaments but keepsakes gathered over the years that all held a story or a memory. Hanging the ornaments evoked nostalgia and brought her pleasure. My first thought was, how nice that was and what a beautiful sentiment it was. And than I thought that I was somehow a failure at the whole Christmas thing because, in my broken relationship aftermath world, I didn't have that anymore. That little bit of self pity ended three seconds later as I sped along because I have different things that matter to me. Not to take away from the announcer in any way, or anyone else that has "traditional" things that they look forward to. Not at all. Simply that as my journey continues on, one of the things I have come to learn is that it all changes. The only thing I can count on for sure is that there will be love around. And food of course. After that, as long as we are happy and healthy nothing else really matters.
This will be the first Christmas that my daughter is out living on her own. Inevitably that changes things and that is OK. Our morning rituals have changed quite a bit over the past five years with the changes that happened. Without a doubt the first few years were the hardest as we all had to adapt, harder still on the kids because the adults had destroyed the one thing that they probably believed to be certain even more than longitude and latitude. Resilience and adaptation to ones surroundings is evolution in a nutshell, and they evolved as did we all. For my part, I don't put expectations on this sort of thing anymore other than to do my part in making it a happy occasion. Leave the stress elsewhere, because really, life is too short for that kind of negative aura.
You look at a map and think that you know what you are staring at until you come across something completely different, the Peter's Projection map instead of the Mercator and your world is a little different now. Well guess what? That happens all through life so we might as well get used to the idea. I believe a measure of that understanding is helpful in progressing through life with some semblance of sanity. Even longitude and latitude are now different, so really you're not where you thought you always were. It's OK, we'll all be fine.
So today I find myself at work, serving turkey's to go to people that either can't or don't want to make their own bird. No wallowing in self pity because I have to work or anything like that...and the funny thing is, the other people here with me today are fine as well. Maybe they'd like to be curled up in their onesies or ugly Christmas sweaters but they understand the bigger picture, and since the boss is here as well...what the hell right.
Later on I will gather up my brood to start our time together. We will have Christmas tunes and movies in the back ground. Perhaps some classic Vinyl Cafe stories or Fire Side Al's The Shepard. Too much food will be made with leftovers all around. We'll exchange gifts and go on as we always do, not far from each other, comforted by the knowledge that we are all together and grateful for what we do have.
So, Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa, Seasons Greeting or Happy Festivus...whatever you wish.
Ciao my friends
D
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