I had some time to kill last week one day while waiting around for some Taxi Dad duties so I found myself at the library with an enjoyable way to spend some time. I was thumbing through magazines looking for something to read and I came across The Atlantic. In particular I started reading an article on why people cheat. Now, don't worry, this isn't about breaking commandment number seven, I came across a quote (go figure) that struck me. I took a picture of it because I knew I wanted to explore it when I had the time.
"To doggedly look for marital flaws in order to understand cases like Priya's is an example of what's known as the "Streetlight Effect." A drunk man looks for his keys not where he dropped them but where the light is. Human beings have a tendency to look for the truth in places where it is easiest to search rather than the places where it is likely to be."
That's a very interesting idea to me but I don't think I would classify it as a tendency as mush as human nature. I think we do look for the easy answers, the clichéd responses. When faced with the myriad of daily complexities that come our way it's the easy road that is often taken. Instead of taking the time to think about what it is that we are looking for and explore the possibilities of what may really be going on.
For some reason I was invited to a local university to sit on a business panel for a Q & A discussion. While I sat there cursing my inability to say no and wondering what kind of jokes I could get away with and would they even be understood by the young faces in front of me I thought of the great opening scene from the show The Newsroom. Will McAvoy goes completely off the rails on a Q & A panel answering the question: what makes America the greatest country on earth? Would I? Could I? Given the opportunity would I stand up on the soap box and shout at the sky as he did below?
"And with a straight face, you're gonna tell students that America's so star-spangled awesome, that we're the only ones in the world who have freedom? Canada has freedom, Japan has freedom, the UK, France, Italy, Germany, Spain, Australia, Belgium has freedom. So 207 sovereign states in the world, like 180 of them have freedom. And yeah, you, sorority girl. Just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there's some things you should know, and one of them is, there's absolutely no evidence to support the statement that we're the greatest country in the world. We're 7th in literacy, 27th in math, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, number 4 in labor force, and number 4 in exports. We lead the world in only 3 categories: number of incarcerated citizens per capita, number of adults who believe angels are real, and defense spending, where we spend more than the next 26 countries combined. 25 of whom are allies. Now, none of this is the fault of a 20 year old college student. But you, nonetheless, are without a doubt a member of the worst, period, generation, period, ever, period, so when you ask, 'What makes us the greatest country in the world?' I dunno know what the fuck you're talking about! Yosemite? It sure used to be. We stood up for what was right. We fought for moral reasons, we passed laws, struck down laws for moral reasons, we waged wars on poverty, not poor people. We sacrificed, we cared about our neighbors. We put our money where our mouths were, and we never beat our chest. We built great big things, made ungodly technological advances, explored the universe, cured diseases, and we cultivated the world's greatest artists and the world's greatest economy. We reached for the stars, acted like men. We aspired to intelligence, we didn't belittle it, it didn't make us feel inferior. We didn't identify ourselves by who we voted for in our last election, and we didn't we didn't scare so easy...Huh. We were able to be all these things, and to do all these things, because we were informed. By great men, men who were revered. First step in solving any problem is recognizing there is one. America is not the greatest country in the world anymore."
Of course this is a Sorkin moment and I am not in the habit of going off the rails, but you want to know something? I did have a moment or two where I, in my way, gave a different response from my fellow panellists. For example, in response to a student question around conflict resolution, I manged a little extemporaneous ramblings on Pareto's Law and the fact that the customer is hardly ever right. It came out of nowhere and actually sounded, at least to my ears, partially coherent. I didn't look for the answer in the light, but in the shadows. We know the easy answer is simply that, easy. It might be right but often it is wrong or too simple. Life is not black and white. We aren't binary creatures so why would the answers be binary.
By no stretch am I innocent of the easy answer in my own life, I respond as many of us would to the questions around our lives. But more and more I have noticed my desire to delve deeper. To ask the questions and to look elsewhere for answers. The status quo is not always going to be acceptable. So maybe I am learning and growing more or maybe I'm simply more in tune with that in my own life. I seek it out now from others. Keep the canned answers along with the canned laughter...on a shelf far from me.
I love the fluidity and meandering nature that conversations can take these days. An afternoon sipping latte's and not talking about the weather is near perfection for me. When I get asked what I like to do for fun when out on a date my answer is this, this very thing we are doing. It matters not if it's over a meal, a glass of wine or as we drive to nowhere, I want to be informed and to have context and meaning thrown up at me while asking and answering questions. Socrates declared "an unexamined life is not worth living" while choosing death over exile. Ballsy. I wouldn't go that far but I can certainly appreciate the sentiment.
A lot of what has transpired over the past five years for me personally can be traced back to the simple fact that communication, true communication, was lost to my ex and I. The few times we did more than scratch the surface it was generally kept to the well lit areas. Casting about for answers but more often than not, something or someone to blame. Afraid to go into the dark lest a hard truth be found. Sad.
I won't easily go down the road ever again. If my mantra these days is about living out loud in a manner that befits being alive than just as important will be fidelity to the idea that to be in a living state we must be willing to see and experience all that we have to offer, through a prism of honesty and an acceptance that there is life in the darkness as well as the light.
Ciao
D
No comments:
Post a Comment