Here's the setting. The living room in our new house in the fall of 2008. There is an election going on with Harper the Numbnutz leading the Conservatives and Stephane Dion leading the Liberals. From all indicators, as I recall, the Harperites were going to win so this whole episode was really for nothing. Mr Dion, being pure Quebecois, had difficulty with the English language, his heavy accent coupled with having to translate in his head hindered him in getting his message out. For better or worse his ideas on the "green shift" as he called it, were not very well received. Perhaps a case of too much too soon but he was crucified for his ideas.
Anyway, there we are sitting around the TV watching the minor scandal being reported on one evening. Seems that the local "newsman" asked Stephane a question that left the audience confused and Mr Dion sounding confused and befuddled. Side note here, I watched the interview and the question was answered, but because of the above mentioned issue the answer seemed half formed and confused. The anchor was as much to blame for being an idiot but that's another story. The story here is when my ex wife turned to me and said "so, you're voting for him?" in a disdainful way showing how she felt about Mr Dion. Now, I would have simply nodded and let it alone, not being one to instigate a fight. My ex knew full and well my thoughts but I think she felt like she had the upper hand somehow because her sister was there. So, the sister in-law turns and says why would you vote for him? One last time I tried to diffuse, "because I am" was my response. "But why?" OK....stupid you for not seeing the danger signs. "Oh I don't know, maybe because I could never vote for a homophobic ass licker like Harper." The look on her face was both priceless and sad, because she didn't know enough to not start up with me in the first place and certainly didn't know when to stop. Now I love a good well thought out debate, this wasn't going to be one of them. And it seems I was the only one in the room that knew it.
Taking turns the sisters tried valiantly to win the day with their arguments against gay marriage and all it's evils. "Why can't they call it something else, it's a sacrament" was a familiar line of answering. Well, I amused myself a little and than got bored with the whole situation. First I asked my ex what would she do if our son came to you one day and said he was in love and it was with another man? How would you respond? The brief awkward silence was telling for me. To end it all I asked simply wouldn't you want your son or daughter to be able to publicly declare their love for another person, regardless of their sexual preference. To have the same rights and responsibilities of a straight couple. To be able to live in harmony or to be as miserable as the rest of us married folk. Are we done? Good.
That night I had my voice. I'm sure my ex had other things on her mind with a good place to hide my body being at the top of the list. But I had my voice. I used my voice that night.
I'd like to tell you that I always have used my voice but the truth is that, like most of us, the voice gets drowned out by life too often. We waffle, we rationalize and we look for harmony. We filter ourselves over the years to the point that maybe we aren't ourselves anymore. Harmony is good, don't misunderstand me. People that live for head butting end up with a fair share of pain, so compromises and an understanding of the big picture is fine. But there is a price to pay when we go too far down that road. In 2008 I knew the marriage would end so my response was less about harmony and more about saying what I felt. I do that a lot now. And I like that.
And you should to. Whether you write it down in a journal, a blog or simply live it out loud, you should be able to speak what you feel. Fuck those filters. Be yourself, be honest. That doesn't mean you can be a douche canoe while you're at it, after all, tact instead of attack should be part of your ethos. Paint a picture, write a song, sing a damn song...just be sure to say what you really feel. It's quite liberating. Strain at those binds that hold you back.
For me, this blog has been instrumental in helping to shape and articulate some of the things I believe in and wish to speak of. It has given credence to the notion that I really do have things to say and that I should say them. Not for you, but for me. And that is the key. For yourself.
Go forth and use that voice, sing it sister!!!
Photo courtesy of my friend Margo
Ciao
D
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