Big brother

The moment is still clear in my mind. I was 21 years old, working out at a gym and in between sets of arm curls I made the decision that being a Big Brother was going to be something I wanted to do. Usually there was a music soundtrack playing at the gym, and if there was a certain guy present it was always INXS...too funny watching this guy preening across the gym to Mystify every other day, but this day it was the radio and there was a commercial for Big Brothers  and so it began. Whatever the reason, be it having a sister as my only sibling, a sense of loneliness at not dating anyone at the time or because I wanted to do something altruistic...I felt I needed to do this.

The call was made, forms filled out, interviews held and finally I was matched with little Christian, all of eight years old and cooler than cool can be. At 22 I really had no clue what I was doing, barely able to take care of myself, and I was now responsible for this kid once a week or every two weeks for a few hours at a time. His single mom wanted a positive male role model because as it was, dad had run off and the neighbourhood offered little in way of what she thought he needed...which happened to be true. I recall her telling me later on that Christian really liked spending time with me despite the fact I was the strictest person he knew. Yes, I said put that seat belt on or we're not moving...real strict. When we burp out loud like that we must say excuse me....true story.

Initially we did what you would expect, we went to the movies...cowabunga dude, the turtles were out then. We didn't have to talk much and who doesn't like skateboarding turtles? Right? But I quickly realised that I didn't just want to be his baby sitter for a few hours every week...I wanted to show him things that maybe he wouldn't have seen...or maybe would never see. The idea of teaching has always been close to my heart so I started doing a few things that would hopefully open up the world to him a bit. While still having the kind of fun we were having...and it was fun.

We did a day trip to downtown Toronto one Saturday. taking the train in and pointing out places in the city that he didn't know about. Union station can be a grand place through the eyes of an eight year old...hell, I still find it special. The highlight was the CN Tower, the aforementioned out loud belching incident happened while in line for the elevator....he let loose a terrific belch and was instantly embarrassed, to alleviate that, I followed suit and got through to letter 'F"...and than I excused my self and asked him to remember to do that as well when he burped the latest hip hop song he was into. 

High above the city, perspective changes and you could see the wonderment in his eyes as we spied different landmarks and neighbourhoods....the ant like people below. My trip to New York provided this same wonderment as I gazed down from the Empire State building. A million people with a million stories...and the damn cars! He was truly excited to be up there.

Knowing me as you do, you could be sure that there would be foolishness to be had that went beyond synchronised burping. I took him to the golf club I was working at for some drives on the range, putting practice and a ride in a dumb waiter to scare the living bejesus out of a bartender. Cooks like to full around but sometimes you simply can't fit into an elevator designed for food orders to be delivered to the bar upstairs. And while putting live lobsters in the lift were always good for a laugh, sending up a little kid was more so....poor old Lena screamed and you could hear her from the kitchen downstairs. Thank god it wasn't Henry up there, the half deaf old curmudgeon that worked up there sometimes....we had an intercom that we would use to let the bartender know there was food in the elevator, I called up once to let Henry know that his steaks were in the lift, he buzzed back, I don't make fucking mistakes, you god damn cooks make all the mistakes.....uhhmmmmm, try and imagine him opening the door to the lift and finding a little black kid.

I introduced Christian to my family and he came over for BBQ's and meals. We had a large backyard with a few cherry trees in it that were great for climbing....and it would seem, great for picking off people with cherries from high above. Water fights and snowball fights...a little like reliving my youth really. 

Eventually I met my ex wife and naturally I introduced the two of them to each other. He never said how he felt about her but I suspect he wasn't a fan...as my time was being monopolised, between work and her, I was slowly starting to see him less. It's easier to blame a person then a job even thought the job was what was really keeping me busy. When we were approaching our wedding I had to break the news to him that we weren't going to be spending time together as I had plans to move to Nova Scotia...easing my way into it months ahead of time. That kind of sucked to be honest...I liked being involved in his life. It felt as if I made a difference to him.

After we moved out east I lost touch with him, but never forgot him. The time spent with him helped me...prepared me in some ways for fatherhood. I'm pretty much the same way with my kids now as I was with him. Have fun, learn and grow and be yourself...and see how many grapes you can fit in your mouth. I hope he's doing well, still wears a seat belt and excuses himself after bodily functions...and remembers me as a good guy in his life. I almost googled Big Brothers here in Halifax....but stopped myself. I'm not in that place right now and somewhere down the line grand kids will be in the picture....not now please, but I am looking forward to that.

Ciao

D