Validity

While in Edmonton a few years back at that stupid big mall I bought a t-shirt for my son that had a Rubik's cube on it with the caption "I cube therefore I am" Actually, I designed it and taught the guy running the machine the proper spelling on it and watched, with some amusement, him run three times to the other side of the big ass mall, to his other location, for more material...hahaha. But I digress, self serving validation comes to mind with that caption, and this one...I blog therefore I am? Meh...I am therefore I am and I'm OK with that. But that's not the validity that I'm talking about today...I'm talking about the validity of the church and marriage and more to the point, annulment.

I will begin by saying that despite the way my marriage unfurled and the crap that went along with the divorce process I am not against marriage at all. I'm open to it if it feels right sometime in the future. And if it doesn't happen that's OK as well. And I bare no ill will towards my ex. I'm not a fan of hers right now but I hope she finds happiness and peace that truly works for her. So this isn't about my ex per se, it's about her desire to have an annulment now that divorce is final and the seeming duality of truths that the church will tell you about when it comes to annulment.

As far as I understand it, an annulment is granted when a certain narrow set of requirements are met, and it really boils down to the fact that at the time of marriage there was a sort of fatal flaw that meant the marriage never happened. It never happened....got it? Well, if that's the case can I have my marriage course fee, the priests gratuity and the $14,000 that I spent on the wedding back? No? OK, than I get to say what I want to say.

Fatal flaws would include, lying about wanting to have kids, lying about being a good Catholic, not being able to actually get married (think kissing cousins here) or not understanding the enormity of what you were about to enter into. Well, no disrespect to my ex but none of those standards are met with her request for an annulment. And I said as much when interviewed by the nice church lady. This tangent, if followed, would leave me chirping about a few things that really shouldn't be chirped about so suffice to say that my ex and I don't see eye to eye on if our marriage ever existed.

Now, if you follow what the church says, an annulment means that our marriage never existed which leads to my youngest asking the inevitable question, does that mean we don't exist, and if we don't exist does that mean we will simply vanish in a puff of holy smoke? Well, no sweetie. The church is kind of funny here. They will tell you that the children were conceived in wedlock and are a product of marriage so they are valid. but if the marriage was not valid, the kids couldn't be valid. Of course they are, says the church, they were conceived under the assumption of validity so they are valid. You see where this is going?

Like a politician, me thinks the church is speaking out of both sides of their collective mouths. I'm no cannon law expert but I find it difficult to reconcile the mixed message that is being put out there with regards to the kids and annulment. Kids were conceived within the confines of a recognised marriage until the marriage was declared to have not existed, but it's OK - the kids are still legit. Well, thanks for that but perhaps a gut check is in order, will you please. Oh, and one other thing...get real!!

I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything here, just pointing out the dichotomy of the situation and what kind of message it sends to the world out there and to my kids. Every time this subject comes up with people I know, every time, the response is the same...get the fuck out, or something similar...hehehe Right. I've said all along, I could not care less if her wish is granted and the church gives her an annulment. It's no skin off my nose and if it makes her a little happier, fill your boots. But I don't think the decision can't be based on lies or half truths, what little credibility the church may have gets eroded if there is a simple rubber stamping process. And as far as I can tell the church has enough PR issues to deal with, you know what I'm saying.

Delving into church and religion.....oooohhhhhhh And awesome with you!

Ciao
D