Yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of The Beatles playing their last show in Toronto, images of screaming girls surrounding Maple Leaf Gardens and The King Edward Hotel intermixed with clips of the mop tops playing on their sparse stage with their sparse equipment. How did they even get heard over the screaming girls with the gear set up they had? The coverage of this got me to thinking about the almost bat shit crazy way some people react over stars in their midst. Seriously, some people lose their shit in an epic way..tears flow, screams of undying love abound and minor stalking incidents are normal, serious stalking incidents have led to some pretty messed up incidents...Ronald Reagan getting shot by Hinckley because of his infatuation of Jodie Foster, David Letterman stalked by Margaret Mary Ray and I don't know if it is stalking as much as celebrity infatuation, but he who shall remain unnamed killed John Lennon..fucker. All in adoration of a famous star.
The cult of celebrity personality has never been my thing, I've never asked anyone for their autograph, although I have been asked for mine once...pretty funny actually, I've never camped out in anyway to catch a glimpse of anyone, and the times I have come across celebrities my reaction varies from indifference to a mild gawk and smile. I don't care, I'm just not impressed that much. Maybe if I had met someone that I really respected or admired, say Alan Alda or Neil Peart or John Lennon...I think I would be a little more gaga and it would manifest itself in a handshake if appropriate or today's equivalent, a selfie...hahaha. I wouldn't be looking to get them to sign my arm or my butt, and for sure I would be giving them space out of understanding that most people don't want to be touched, poked and prodded by complete strangers...weird uh?
A few years back I was running the food and beverage operations at a golf club and we had in a fundraising tournament with some minor celebrities in attendance. The boys from Trailer Park Boys were in with some sports guys as well, to my mind minor, to others? Cue the gaga...seriously, Bubbles and Ricky? Who cares? What I cared about was that these three clowns were keeping me late at work while they were trying to canoodle some young beautiful "beer girls". I actually heard Bubbles say "you know, you can be a model, I might be able to help with that" Oh get the hell out will ya...I will admit that I do take offence to guys my age trying to pick up girls my daughters age, because I have a daughter that age and I would punch you in the throat if you did try that crap with her....the father in me comes out from time to time. But I digress, it was a long day and I wanted to go home and these guys were literally keeping me from my bed. So I called last call and let them know we would be closing at 10:00. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Awe come on man, stay open for a few hours, it's us, we'll sign something for you....haha. Sorry gentleman, but we will be closing shortly. And then they did the ignore the guy thing, they went out to smoke a joint on my patio. Hey man, I don't care what you do in your spare time and at your place, but my ass is on the line for your drinking infractions and your drug paraphernalia and I have no desire in taking the heat for you. I stuck my head out the door once I caught whiff of the dubage, sorry boys but I'm going to have to ask you to put those out now and settle up, the night is over. Bye, don't let the door hit you in the ass as you leave. Not impressed.
I'm also not even remotely impressed by celebrity chefs, the new bad ass rock stars of the paparazzi world. Where did it go from Julia Child teaching you proper techniques in simple every day cooking, to Charlie Trotter and Thomas Keller showing you the magic of good ingredients to Out House Gourmet, Engine Block Cooking for the Serious Redneck and the name calling donkey lover known as Gordon Ramsay...WTF Ramsay knows how to cook, but his schlock for TV is just simple lunacy. I was once approached about doing a segment for a show called Opening Soon, a show that I had liked because it told real stories. I had noticed that the show had taken a more confrontational edge in the latest season and sure enough on a questionnaire I received the second or third question was do you currently experience or foresee experiencing any conflicts with trades people, landlords or anyone similar? No, but I can see myself beating the camera man to death with a cabbage. Thanks but I'm OK. The majority of cooks do their thing in obscurity and without a press agent, we're cooks for God's sake, nobody is putting up a statue in our honour, nor should they. We didn't solve world hunger, cure a disease or bring us closer to world peace...we came up with a new grilled cheese sandwich for fucks sake. To my way of thinking it's like doing a TV show about accountants...would you do it? Forget about food porn for the moment, it's really not that difficult. But hey, if you want to use me as a consultant call my agent will ya....
There is no doubt that I would love to sit down to dinner with some famous people if given the chance, really just to let them talk and learn from them. But to follow them around and think that it was normal behaviour to lose my shit over any or all of them, sorry....no. Keep our heads please.
Ciao
D
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