Heard in university lectures, wedding receptions and floating around the internet is a little anecdote on what is important in life, usually told by a caring professor. I'm sure you've heard or read the thing, a large mason jar is filled with golf balls, marbles and sand in different orders of filling.....the sand representing the smallest of things in our lives and the golf balls the most important...if you can follow the lessen of course. A simple but effective way of illustrating what really should be important in our lives.
This led me to think of a quote, (go figure), that I really liked. Often attributed to Dr Seuss but not really his "Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter." You're probably thinking you know where this is going....well you'd be right. You're getting very good at figuring me out aren't you? Which can be both a positive and a negative, but since I decided to make this public I suppose I have to live with all the consequences.
Yes Virginia, this is about choices - the existential conundrum of destiny, fate and chance. Are we like Forrest Gump's feather floating on the wind, reacting to what happens in the moment? Blowing this way and that and adjusting to what we are faced with creating the illusion of choice, but is it really a choice? Or are we living a life of destiny and fate, regardless of what we may think we are going to end up doing exactly as a grand plan had said we would. Are we the masters of our own future? Was this road I took what was supposed to be my life or is it the end result of the thousands of choices I have made over the past 48 years? Or is the answer "c", all the above? Pressed to choose I will answer "c" but it seems like an impossibility to know for certain. Spoon or fork???? Argh!!!!
And what has this bit of rambling have to do with that quote above? The answer helps us to understand the people we have decided to surround ourselves with, we choose (or not) the people that come into our lives on a daily basis. The people that have become significant to us, be it family, old friends or new found love; these are the ones that we should want to matter and not mind. Is there anything that my kids could do to make me stop loving them? Nope! But I didn't choose them, did I? My best friend is a source of many vital experiences in my life, him I chose. Do you see the conundrum?
Surely our humanity is enriched by the moments that create lasting and meaningful memories and relationships. Are they diminished somehow because we have chosen to be there at that time with that person or, conversely, because we had no choice as fate was the master. I know for me it doesn't matter, and more over regardless of the how and why what matters is the end result, in many ways they have become my 'raison d'etre'. A smile crawls across my face as I think about the people that bring me happiness in my life, the people I am glad to help out when I can, the people that I know I can count on when the shit goes down....you know who you are. Provided you're reading of course, if not I am positive you know regardless.
The people that mind don't matter. Taken as a whole I would say I generally believe in that statement. For me it follows the whole I don't give a crap what you think of me kind of thing. I will qualify that by saying that it doesn't mean I'm throwing you out with the trash. I don't want your negativity or your holier than thou judgement on me but if we can come to detente and accept that we are not alike I can move on to a relationship of some sort. See, I'm not all bad ass. Those of you that matter already know that of course, but now my readership in China and Germany will know as well. And bad assery (not sure if you can do that to the English language) aside, if I want people to accept me for who I am I should probably offer the same courtesy. Right?
To you, my friends that have become part of the fabric of my life, with shared memories and a bond that has left us laughing and crying...you are the golf balls in my life, the ones that matter. And even if you did mind, that would be OK, we get each other.
And here endeth the lesson.
Ciao
D
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