I can fall asleep pretty much anywhere, awkward places or not, many is the time I have found myself waking from slumber wish a puzzled look on my face. Dentist chairs while being worked on. Driving the highways. At the movies, ha...I like paying $12 for the privilege of taking a nap. In the front row of a bar with a band playing in front of me....the bouncer was going to do his bouncy thing until I awoke and told him I wasn't drunk. Which segues nicely into places that I have awoken in that I wasn't entirely sure how I got there. You know what I am talking about...are you sitting comfortably? Good.
Giant wooden prep tables are not entirely comfortable, actually I would go so far as to say they aren't meant for sleeping on at all. Save them for chopping flour. Well, while I have seen people asleep on said table and have thought about it a few times when slightly hung over I haven't fallen victim to it's natural tones. I did however wake up one morning on top of a TV. That table would have been better. So you see, Slutty Gary threw a bachelor party for a co-worker, which I won't detail here, that a number of us were invited to. Quite the soiree we had, full of mirth and a bit of alcohol. The story becomes a lot shorter without the gory details but I will fast forward to the end of the night. Slutty Gary is driving me home, and I'm up front for the record. We all had to work the next morning at the Golden Griddle, save for the groom and that meant Slutty Gary was going to pick me up in the morning to ensure I got to work. Now, normally, I'm fine after a night of you know...I have never missed a shift because of the drink. So when I left Gary's van and walked into a wall, I mean my house I was sure that there wouldn't be an issue for work in a few hours. Turns out I never made it to my bedroom, hell I never made it on the ground floor. Where I ended up was on this huge TV console that my parents used to have. Stereo on one side, radio on the other and TV in the middle...and me on top without my pants. I'm assuming one of my parents came down at some point to see why I hadn't made it upstairs to my room and simply left me there to rot, I mean rest. I'm assuming it was around 6:00 when I heard banging on the side door that somehow woke me up. I trudged over to the door to see Slutty Gary looking like shit but wide awake and angry because I wasn't ready....five minutes buddy. Ugh. What a mess of a day, five of the seven people working in the kitchen that morning were in no condition to work. Obviously we lived even though I am sure I wished death would visit me.
All these stories probably happened with a few years of each other, my rebellious years as a teenager of course. I'm not sure if this was before TV bed or after but the general gist was the same. Our little gang of misfits had just dropped off the girls at the airport as they went down south for a girls vacay away. What that meant for us, well for those that were dating those girls, it was a license to drink their faces off. The rest of us single guys didn't have any restrictions upon us...hell, the legal age for drinking never factored in with us. I have vague recollections of the night, there might have been a walk through the MacDonald's drive thru, a vibrant discussion with a bunch of half wits from another high school, bad food at a sub shop...oh, and quite a bit of liquid gold. At some point we ended up at a friends house that we really shouldn't have been at. His parents were ultra strict and ultra conservative Hindu. They may have been away which goes to explaining why we were there but it didn't explain why when I woke up from the floor there were pop tarts sticking to my shirt..WTF? Wait, where is everyone? Did you see the movie the Hangover with that opening scene...that was how I felt. We didn't have a tiger but there were a lot of unexplained things in that basement rec room. Where did those hub caps come from? And is that a cover from a city electrical junction box? I found people sleeping/passed out in bath tubs, behind couches, under stairs and inside closets. Not one of us was on a couch. Every where but the couch. And we were missing one guy. Maybe two. Still don't know what happened to them but since I didn't attend any funerals I assumed they lived. Good times!!!
My first trip to Quebec City on one of those ski trips that nobody actually skis on would be where I really came into my own as a prodigious proponent of party life. There were no rules, not for those five days at least. Seemingly god was watching out for me as I am still unsure on why I didn't die, but that's for another day. In between runs to the liquor store, lame attempts to pick up women in bars and the general mayhem that we were causing I usually found my way back to my bed at the end of it all. One night though, not so much. I do remember sitting in an upstairs lobby kind of area of the Auberge du Gouveneur, chatting amicably with a plant that I had my eye on when a gaggle of slightly younger school mates walked on by. For whatever reason they invited me back to their room. Next thing I know I'm waking up in a queen bed with seven other people in it. Fully clothed like the rest of them I wasn't sure how or why this had come to pass but I knew I needed to get out, something was nagging at me..I wasn't safe here. I found my way back to my room and a barrel full of trouble. Danny, I really should have locked him up in that closet, was freaking out because they couldn't find me. Seems I had been missing for a few hours and supposedly the hotel management was possibly looking for me as well. In hind sight I can see why they kicked us out...just saying. Chill man, it's all good. No, I'm not telling you where I was because you're being a pain in the ass and if you say one more word I'm throwing you thru that plate glass window. Buzz kill!!!! Now shut up and pass me a beer.
Seriously, how are we still alive?
Ciao
D
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