I don't really care for country music so when I say that Willie Nelson's version of this song stands supreme for me, you know I'm saying something. Considering I think of him as a twangy lost my truck, my dog died and my girlfriend left me kind of country singer, that's really saying something. Not to mention that Elvis sang this as well....Willie's version just feels more real, more visceral. This song popped into my head last week and I haven't been able to shake it out, so maybe writing about it will help. And maybe pigs will fly and angels do dance on pinheads.
This may go completely off the rails for me as I flirt with delicate topics and matters of the heart...be forewarned, articulation seems to be difficult the past few days and my mind is everywhere. Ha, right now you're thinking and that's different how? I know, I know. When I sat down to start typing my hands hovered over the keys for many many moments. I didn't know what I wanted to say and the things I thought I knew I wanted to say were stuck in sappy lyric land. Uncharted territory for me when putting words to paper, or screen as it happens. I can talk freely about these kinds of things with friends and lovers, but trying to sound coherent and reasonable here I just seem to be casting about...this paragraph being an example of that.
I think maybe the reason comes from a confluence of events, starting with the Tragically Hip concert last week, a budding relationship ending and a good dose of reflection. I may be over thinking things in the end but really I'm completely fine with that...my quiet and not so quiet introspection is as much a part of me as my sarcasm, my absurdity and my stories. Just thinking....
You're never far from my mind. Time has not eroded or softened one bit of how I felt for you. This one time, thinking of the "what if". I wonder how you are doing...what has happened in your life over the years? I truly do hope you're happy and have found peace that works for you. For me, I have loved and lost and moved on. I'm happier than I have been in a long time and I know that tomorrow will be better again. The road has been hard but not too hard if that makes sense. I like that life doesn't come easy, I believe the reward is that much sweeter when adversity is faced down and a true appreciation of what has been gained is realised.
We were both brave enough to start a conversation that mattered, to borrow once again from Gord Downie...the confines of our hearts were opened up to us. This is what made us, the root of it all was the ability to talk, to share and not be afraid. Sadly, that's a rare thing, an almost elusive dream to work back to. I miss that above all else, I miss you.
Our paths may cross one day...I have no idea how it will go or what will be said. Maybe it will be a fleeting glimpse or maybe we will share a moment not unlike Marina Abramović and Ulay seeing each other for the first time in 30 years. Watch that video and tell me that's not pure and raw...nothing else mattered in that moment.
See what you have gone and done, made me talk about things....nothing good ever came from talking...haha
Socrates tells us that an unexamined life is not worth living...I don't know, that may seem too black and white for my liking, perhaps striving to be self aware is where its at, after all, not everyone wants or can be so reflective as to keep Socrates happy. The world is grey, as you know...Neil Young on the analogue versus digital debate talks about the difference this way...if you look at the sky with grey clouds and were able to zoom into one small pixel type area, there would be multiple shades of grey making up the whole of that grey pixel. A deep universe in every pixel as he says....to digitise it would take that infinite universe and make it one shade of grey. Blending it together, making it uniform across the whole area. From afar you couldn't tell the difference, up close is what suffers in interpretation...in that grey area there are infinite possibilities. And we are lesser from having it blended....I think life is like that. We work hard to make it safe and uniform, to fit into whatever conception we have of ourselves and I think we are the lesser for it, we are missing the possibilities that exist within the nuances and variations.
I leave you with that today....
Ciao
D
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