Tough guy Tony

There is a certain, how shall we say it, vein of stupid running through most young men. An almost inexplicable desire to do stupid, in every form imaginable and often preceded by, hey...hold my beer for a second. I have been a living embodiment of this phenomenon on a few occasions so I am a bit of a recognized expert in the field. Often this affliction manifests itself in false machismo and the belief that being a strong man means being the dominant man, the bully. These traits are thankfully not so much a part of my repertoire. Out of the lover and the fighter, I'm definitely the former..just saying. Which brings me to the fighter...or wannabe fighter, Mr Tony...of the sore balls Tony for being a douche bag previously written about.

On the street of dreams that we lived on until the end of grade 12, along with "marry me now Paula", "Mike, I was Metal before there was Metal, Gajdemsky" there was an East Indian fellow named Dil. He was older than me, I think the same age as Paula's brother, Humberto "I'm leaving the band" Machado and he was the new favourite amongst the girls on the street. The girls we knew all had a thing for him when he moved in...and why not, he was good looking and slightly exotic...go ahead, fill your boots girls. He was a cool dude so I had no issues with him, we hung out sometimes, the three of us...playing hockey or listening to music. Now, on this magical street we had a family that lived between us that truly embodied the whole "I'm going to need a lot of therapy later in life" mantra. The father was an angry alcoholic, I mean really angry...you know what I mean. The kids lived in fear of this man who also probably suffered from short man syndrome...he would think nothing of smacking his kids or wife around in public..simply vile. So it was really no surprise that his kids were a tad messed up socially. I won't belabour all the issues as only one is pertinent to this story. The oldest daughter played a part in this comedy...she was to put it simply, a purveyor of drama when it came to boys. She was attractive and always had guys chasing after her..for whatever reason she would, on those rare occasions of not "seeing" someone, she would play guys against each other and watch the carnage unfold...crazy I know.

On one such occasion that included Dil and another gentleman of the Italian persuasion named Rob, I happened to become involved as a secondary story. It seems that Dil and this girl we're seeing each other off and on and they were on an off time on this day when Rob arrived in his company issued black Camaro with a few of his friends, one of them being Tony. In the world of machismo I am way down low on the scale so I find it rather amusing to watch other guys do their peacock imitation for an audience full of their own kind...all five of them.

Senor Rob confronts gentleman Dil over the fair maiden...I'm sure some veiled threats were made and honour was being defended between the gladiators as Tony and his ilk stood around trying to look tough for Humberto and myself. It wasn't the Soc's and the Greaser's, more like the Gino's and the Slightly Amusing Dudes with Mullets. I do recall Dil saying that we needed to have his back when the car pulled up so being stupid boys we of course were getting ready to "rumble". How the fuck do you rumble anyway? After a few minutes of this strutting Rob and Dil walked away to settle this like men...they were going to go to a field and duke it out, but we were to stay put. Uhm sure...the two of us will stay with these four guys and make sure all was good. I really didn't think a fight would ensue because there was no real reason for it...shit, we didn't even have any oil reserves for them to covet. But sure enough, Tony being Tony wanted to start something. This tool had a tool...a little billy bat and he was smacking his hand with it and glaring at me. I ignored it but I was getting a tad nervous...despite my aversion to fighting I was certain I could take Tony...that standing up to a bully thing I think, and truth be told I did have a desire to smash his face with my fist just once...he brought it out in me. I wasn't sure how I would have fared against the others, four on two are crappy odds and Humberto did have a reputation of fleeing the scene....side bar here.....Humberto and I were mugged once by a couple of guys and while I was being dragged into a stand of bushes by a guy while his friend was pulling a giant knife out of his pants, Humberto had bolted...thanks man. Anyway, back to Tony and crew. Tony started taunting me and I did my best to simply ignore things....no Tony, I don't want to fight you and your friends, or your bat for that matter. No Tony, I don't think it's a good idea to rumble, the cops drive by here regularly. No Tony, I don't wear girls panties...oy vey.

After a few minutes of this Rob and Dil came back, walking along as if nothing had happened...and guess what? Nothing did happen. As Rob and crew drove away Dil told us that Rob backed down and wanted to pretend that they had traded a few punches and that was that. Of course. These two go off to fake fight and I have to endure idiot Tony with his false bravado while he ridicules my panties....errrrrrr I mean, his taunts were annoying me. I think this was the breaking point for the fair maiden in distress though...she needed to find new combatants for her honour as these two guys had realized that they were being played, all in the name of some basement fooling around. Maybe they didn't know how crazy the dad was, because I never even looked at her for fear that father may lose his shit with me.

Moral of the story kids is always stand up to a bully, unless he his carrying a small blunt object and surrounded by squido minions...then, delay, obfuscate and deflect until the situation resolves itself. Be careful out there.

Ciao
D