If you've spent anytime reading previous posts you know that I started writing this blog in response to my own cancer diagnosis in December of 2015, nice way to end the year...Fuck Cancer by the way. This isn't my first brush with this terrible and indiscriminate disease, my best friend Scott and his wife Fiona lost their son Simon to leukaemia in January of 2014 after a year long battle. A brave, funny and unique boy that left us too soon...I still have trouble talking about this being a parent. So like most people I cannot imagine going through it...it is literally the worst thing possible and we're left casting about trying to say the right things and understand. Burying a child is something that nobody should go through...ever. Period.
What I would have never guessed or expected from this terrible time is how the Steele family dealt with and reacted to Simon's journey and how it affected me. For me, grace under pressure is really the easiest way of encapsulating it all. All of them, in the few fleeting moments I got to spend with them at the hospital, were at times ridiculous, graceful, angry, zany and resilient. There was a rubber horse head in the hospital room that Simon would put on from time to time, walking the halls dragging his IV tree along with him....that's really all I need to say on it.
Everyone will deal with this kind of horrible news in their own way...what I took away is that it was OK to make fun of it all. I thought I was alone in my thinking when say my grandfather passed away. It was sad to be sure, he was a wonderful man, but at the time of his death he wasn't the same man I knew. Disease is bad enough in of itself, but when it robs you of the essence of the person...strips away what makes them who they are...that is truly insidious. So while outwardly I tried to project to my family a stoic sombre facade inside I was laughing at the ridiculousness of the casket not being ornate enough, according to some, or how girls seemed to be more attractive dressed in black. Why can't you make a joke? Scott and his brood showed it was OK. Not to trivialize the pain and suffering but in the end all that is going to be left is the memory of that person, so they chose to make them funny, poignant and happy memories.
I have to tell you, while I was dreading Simon's funeral I found it both cathartic and uplifting. My three children and one of my close friends came with me and even then there were some funny moments...like when she leaned over and asked if I knew who was sitting across from her in the next pew over. I didn't, which isn't saying much because I am horrible with names and faces, so I asked why. "I can hear them whispering saying, that's not his wife"...small towns...hahaha But back to catharsis and all...Simon's siblings spoke and it was of courage and silliness. Fiona spoke and it was of fighting back...in the shadow of pure hell they were finding their way to deal with it by fighting back, shaking their fists at cancer but also choosing to do something and imploring us all to do the same...more on that later. Bob Marley was played and tears flowed. Surprisingly I didn't blubber on like an idiot...I was inspired by their courage and their strength. They made it easy for me. Probably many more people there that day as well.
Without a doubt there were dark days for them all. Many moments of anger and despair, doubt and hopelessness and a desire to blame someone or something. But always, they would come back to the place they knew to be right...a loving memory of their beautiful son, a strengthened bond with their other kids and each other. In the face of hell they spit back and did what Simon would have done...made a totally inappropriate joke, gave hell the finger and cranked up Billy Talent.
So, how do you fight back? Last year Fiona partook in the Sears National Kids Cancer Ride. She rode in the RV's making meals and helping out. This year Scott joined her...a three week road trip being part of something bigger. Raising awareness and money to be sure, but also bonding with survivors, care givers and family members that have been touched in one way or another by this scourge. That they would give of themselves in this way is no surprise if you know them, Scott and Fiona, while both a little off kilter have hearts of gold for the things that matter. So while they are crossing the country in support of a painful cause, RV's doing 140 km/h according to Scott, I will throw this post out there in the hopes that you will look them up on Facebook and support them if you can. You can link directly to Scott here Sear National Kids Cancer Ride
Hug your kids
D
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