From the Great Dictator himself, Charlie Chaplin. That to me encapsulates my response to just about everything 'painful' I have gone through. It drives my mom over the edge when I joke about, well...just about everything really, but especially when it comes to my own well being. From kidney stones and cancer to my divorce and my future...I ridicule it all, I play with it and turn it up on it's head to make more fun of it...all of it.
This response of mind inherently brings up issues around what is OK to say and not, lest someone not understand my way of thinking and dealing with an issue. You already know that the concept of filters is fading and fading quickly from my repertoire of responses, I simply cannot be bothered to care if you or anyone else takes offence with something I might say. I don't go out of my way to be offensive but I will speak my mind, hence this blog, and if you should find cause to be offended by something I say, post, think, divine or give a look for, I in turn will be offended that you're offended (thanks Scott). This really comes down to this for me...I'll not try and convert you to my way of thinking, acting and being and you leave me the fuck alone as well. Which reminds me of a story...I was twice asked to go to sales meetings as a fresh voice on sales ideas. The first time when asked how we could drive more revenue to the resort I suggested converting part of the hotel to a brothel. The second time was when I was asked, as a father, what would be a good weekend get away that they could promote as part of a package...what did I want for Father's day? To be left the fuck alone was my response. There was no third time...mission accomplished.
A phrase that may have been heard coming out of my mouth from time to time is "I hate people" or some version of it, such as "there is literally no one that I don't hate at the moment" or "I can understand homicide now"...I'm sure you get the picture. To let you in on a little secret, I don't actually hate people...I love certain people and I am continually reminded of the awesomeness of people, but it's people as a species that I have an issue with along with those individuals that can't get their heads out of their collective asses. A sardonic look, a sarcastic response or a caustic flurry are my usual responses to things gone askew. Case in point, I was having an issue with one of my suppliers bringing in fresh chicken for me on a regular basis. They ended up missing three deliveries in a row, so when I asked them about the missing bird the response was that the labour day holiday messed up their delivery schedule....here was my response via email.
Good morning,
Today marks the third delivery in a row that I have not
received my fresh chicken…last week the reasoning was that there was a holiday,
which is kind of surprising since that holiday has been happening for quite a
long time. It’s not like it was a surprise holiday that popped up all of a
sudden. Which leads me to wonder if there has been a new holiday declared for
today to explain why I don’t have that chicken today.
The idea, as I understand it, of a standing order is to
ensure that there is product here on a regular basis...except it’s not so
regular is it? I must have had a premonition and I ordered a few cases of
breasts, thankfully. Otherwise this email would have been a little less
sarcastic and much more caustic.
I’ve explained previously it’s the knuckle head stuff that
makes me crazy, the simple things that don’t get done or are done poorly, like
deliveries that don’t have the food I am hoping to have on it or a load out
that looks like my first attempt at cubism art when I was 8 years old. What
makes this worse is that there was no communication to let me know that I
wouldn’t be getting chicken so I could make other arrangements as needed.
I’m going to go now and cross the road in hopes of finding
some bird.
I'm told they loved the email in the office but I swear if my chicken doesn't get here on my next delivery I may be forced to punch someone in the throat.
And while that email may sound a tad harsh I will refer you to my friend Scott, for he once had an issue with the Hudson Bay Company that required a letter of protest...it started with Dear Pelt Seller...I rest my case.
And there you have it my friends...an example of my tangential brain going off in a few directions and loosely tying it together within the theme of the post...I hope. I wonder if I frustrate the crap out of people when I do that...I find it amusing and endearing when I meet people with the same affliction to be honest.
Well, that will be all for today.
Ciao
D
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